I feel I can't take it anymore. I just confronted my wife about an affair she has had. After about a week of not standing the pressure, she packed her bags and moved out. I have forgiven her in my heart, but I feel she's gone, never to return. She's only been gone 9 days and only communicated to me by text messages. I've told her to break it off with him, and she still wants to keep him as a friend. A definite "no!". She's my best friend and I miss her so much. I want her HOME! Help me, please...

Start with the Infidelity FAQ's on this site and read up on plan A and Plan B.

Infidelity FAQ's linked below in my signature.

seperated16,


More facts are needed for us to be of assistance

separated16,Sorry to hear of your troubles and welcolm to MB forum. The club no one wants to belong to.
Will need much more info and data about your sitch to properly reply.
How long Married?
Any kids?
Who is OM?
Are they co-workers?
Is he married?
How did they meet and how long ago?
Your very brief post has left more Q's than answers and it's very difficult to help without knowing some of the answers.
Read everything you can on the infidelity section of this web site before you plunge into forums. You need some of the basic info first.
Weekends are slow but I'm sure the calvary will help answer your Q very soon.
Stay strong,
All Blessings,
Jerry

Sorry about the lack of info. We'll be married 16 years in May. We have two girls, ages 14 & 12. The OM is a co-worker who she has been friends with for a while, but the sexual affair has been going on for just over a year. He is married and has an 8 year old son. His wife has no clue. I was told everyone at their workplace knows they are having an affair (he's a doctor, she's a therapist). She and I haven't spoken except thru texts. She has moved into an apt not far from home. It's been terrible on the girls, and I hear she seems down and hurting. I can't stand it!

Sep16,

I'm so sorry for your pain. I hate to tell you this but nothing in your life will ever compare to this pain. Somehow you just have to get thru it...day by day, sometimes hour by hour. You may even need to get an anti depressent from your Dr. I had to...I was coming unraveled at the seams.

We seem to be walking in the same shoes along the same path. I've just discovered my H's A a little over a mo. ago. My WS is still living with me in our home. He doesn't know what he wants to do, in other words which to choose. OWH just found out Fri and my WS disclosed to his parents yesterday. The pain is devastating. I've cried 35 out of 36 days. I can barely get thru each day. I too wonder how I can stand it. It has been going on for 7mo, also with a coworker. His workplace also knows of it.

I'm not sure we can save our M..for sure not until the A ends. MB says A are addictions and that the WS is in a delusional fog, I see that more and more each day. I'm not so sure he will put forth as much effort as I am. But if we are to, I believe MB is the very best plan to follow.

I found MB just a few days after I found out about my WS A and have spent hours and hours on here. I have bought and read the books Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs...get them....read them....highlight them....reread them. (You can buy used off Amazon.com and off of Ebay fairly reasonably.) Learn all about Emotional Needs, The Love Bank, Love Busters, Plan A & Plan B. Educate yourself!!!! Then talk to people on here or just spend time reading post after post after post.

Can someone point him to the post that explains the acronyms used on here so he'll know what everyone is referring to???? I printed it out so I could refer to it.
Also can somone point him to WAT's post on Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses????

Try to be strong...it's harder than H!*^

LS

Hello,

I am sorry for what you are going through. It is absolutely essential that you inform and expose this to the OM's wife immediately.
1) She has the right to know.
2) If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you wish to be informed?
3) Once the wife is informed the chances are great that the OM will drop your wife like a hot potato.
4) In the future it will be much more difficult for the affair to start up with two people watching their activities.
5) What message are you giving the OM by not exposing this to his wife? Are you saying that it is acceptable to screw my wife and destroy my marriage without consequences? He knows that you know and yet you refuse to expose him to his wife. I think this message to him is that you are weak, scared and not willing to take decisive action.

Exposure to the spouse is an absolute key element in destroying an affair. By refusing to do this then what message are you giving to the OM, your wife, and about standing up for your marriage? No consequences to their actions equals no motivation to change. I wish you luck.

Real quick Separated...I am at work and only have a sec.

1. Call OMW and tell her what is going on. Expose immediately. Also tell your in-laws, family members, etc/

2. Did she take the kids with her?

In His arms.

Other folks on here know much more than me, but you tell OMW today. Call her right now or go see her.

Sep16,
OK, much better intel. Have you been doing any reading on main web site? You need to fully understand what plan A is and what you must do to accomplish this.
The others are correct in telling you about exposure. It is an intregal part of Plan A. Plan A is about improving the things about yoursself that may have made your M vunerable to OM in first place. This is not to say it is your fault! Your WW made the choice to enter into and A, and you are not resposible for that. There were many other options to improve your M, and the choice of having an A, was the absolute worst one your WW could have explored.
OK, part of plan A is to expose the A to everyone who could possibly have an influence in ending it. Sounds like the very best person who could put pressure on the A.
Sep16, A's only live in the darkness and secrecy. When they are exposed to the light of day, they crumble and disintergrate very rapidly. Both A partners no longer have the energy to continue without it appearing that "it's no longer worth the effort it will take to continue this."
Therefore exposure is a very big part of your plan to break this apart. also, his BW could also become an ally of yours in verifying NC(no contact) after the A has ended. Your WW will not come out of the fog until that has occured.
The most likely scenario after exposure to his BW, is he will dump your WW faster than yesterday's trash, and tell her he is returning to work on his M.
Your WW is going to need to quit her job at his office and move on. This is the very least you can accept in light of things.
I am getting too wordy and you're not ready for all yet. Baby steps. Begin with exposure as outlined above and we will chat more.
All blessings,
Jerry

BUMP
Sep16, are you Ok?
Jerry