I was curious if anyone ever gave their spouse a plan b letter asking them to leave the home and they refused. What did you do?

I had this problem and it totally messed up my plans and what I should do. I didn't want my daughter to think I abandoned her and my attorney said I should stay and that I couldn't make my spouse leave.

My situation is still messed up, my wife hasn't signed the divorce papers, but she is still behaving horribly. I've just been sitting back and waiting for her to do something (anything). She told me yesterday that her attorney finally gave her the papers to sign, but she's not sure she wants to.

I was just curious what other's did when faced with this dilemma? I'm sure I'm not the only one that has faced this situation and I'm sure I won't be the last. So I thought it might be beneficial to have a discussion here.

GT, why don't you ask your attorney how best to handle it? He needs to come up with a way that you can leave or a way to impel her to leave. You obviously can't just sit there in limbo waiting for one to make a move for 50 years.

Didn't you get advice here not to do that? - try to implement Plan B before being separated?

If you've done it already, you're very likely stuck. You can seek legal advice on how to force your spouse out, but I bet this is not easily done. Alternatively you can try to seek a legal separation that discusses the reason for YOU to move out - to avoid the pain of continuing adultery by your spouse.

WAT, I screwed up my situation, so I thought I might start a thread to help others. I trusted my wife when she said the affair was over and hung around while she continued to lie and cheat. She discovered I was spying and now uses that as her excuse for not wanting to be married anymore. I screwed up on almost every front. I would have done things a lot differently now, but I'm stuck. My living arrangement would be unbearable if not for the fact that I get to be with my daughter every day. But living with someone you still love and view as your spouse, even if she is a WS, can be very difficult.

I went to an attorney the day after d-day and had papers drawn up. My attorney at that time recommended that I not leave the home (he still does). I talked to my wife about her leaving and she refused. We went to MC, but that didn't work, she was still trying to see the OM and working with him, so she never committed back to the marriage. I guess there is no reason to rehash everything. This is where I'm at and I'm in limbo. Since I don't like sitting around and waiting, I thought I might take some kind of action. Since my wife is still unsure and living in the fog, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to do plan b.

Oh, it would be an excellent idea to implement Plan B - when the conditions are met to do it.

You are smart not ot leave your home. But there may come a point when you have no choice for your own sanity. Ask your attorney about the feasibility of getting a legal separation with you moving out, but not jeopardizing your standing as wanting to keep the family together, i.e., you need to separate and move out because of the inhumane pain being inflicted by your wife's continuing extra marital affair.

WAT

WAT is right. You are way beyond this point, GT.

Have you asked her if she can't be fully in the marriage and actively seeking to improve it then she should leave and pursue her OM if that is what she wants.

Or, if you own your home, you could both agee to put it on the market and when it sells go your separate ways or choose to buy together with her commitment to rebuild the marriage together and keep your family intact....a fresh start.

Living like you are must stink...

I've asked my wife to leave on several occasions. I talked to her about my leaving also. She refuses to leave and doesn't see any reason for me to leave. I think she likes having me around when it's convenient for her.

The house is for sale and has been for the past 4 months. I won't deny that there's times that I'm glad I stayed, especially for my daughters sake, but overall it's not a good situation.

When I was finally prepared to do plan b, we were already in the early stages of divorcing and SH felt it wouldn't do any good to do a plan b, especially with the legal issues concerning custody.

Oh well, I'm still interested in what people do when the conditions are right to do a plan b and the WS won't leave the home.

Some people have put their WS's stuff in the garage or in storage, and then changed the locks - but don't do this unless your attorney says you can.

Everyone here said "don't move out," because legally that can be seen as abandonment. You could very well have lost DD and/or lost your own home.

However -

Now that your wife HAS made her choice, which is "I choose to have two men in my life," everyone here is advising that you go to an attorney and have a Legal Separation drawn up.

Make sure the attorney understands you want the LS to PROTECT you from any charges of abandonment, since you cannot be expected to live in a house with a WW who is throwing her affair in your face and thereby also in DD's face.

Moving out after having an LS drawn up is not the same as just up and leaving because you're disgusted. Let us know what the attorney says.
Mulan

They get a seperation agreement and move out or negotiate a move on the part of the WS.

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I guess I just feel that there is still some hope if we're still in the home together. I just hate what I will have to do to her and our family if I move out. I'm just not a mean person and it feels dirty. I know that sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I'm worried about how it will effect my relationship with my wife after the divorce and I'm worried about it turning into a ugly divorce that puts my daughter through heck. Ultimately I'm worried that it will ruin any chance we have at reconnecting and saving our marriage.

I've got to get over this and stand up for myself, but it's very difficult to do.

***I'm worried about how it will effect my relationship with my wife after the divorce***

GT - what kind of relationship are you picturing with your wife after the divorce?
Mulan

Honestly, I really don't know. I guess I'm still holding out that I can turn things around.

I have noticed a change in my wife since I gave her the papers and stopped worrying about the marriage (at least in front of her). My IC said that this is forcing her to look at herself and what she is doing to make herself unhappy (she's no longer able to blame me for her situation and unhappiness). He's advised me that I am doing the right thing. I've signed the papers, I've given them to her to review and sign and I'm just waiting for her to make some sort of decision. While doing this, I'm working on myself and preparing for the fact that most likely she will sign the papers and that my marriage is indeed over.