I'm not sure what to make of that. She did admit that she got the papers last week (actually I asked her if she had heard or recieved anything from her attorney). After giving me grief about snooping (which I didn't, I just guessed) She said that she gave them to her dad to look over (he's an attorney). She then said she wasn't sure what she was going to do, that she may decide not to sign them. Then tonight I decided to have a peek in her bag and found the unopened letter. I wish I knew why she would lie about something like this.

I think she is having second thoughts. I'm not making much out of this. Until or unless she changes her behavior, I'm going thru with the divorce. I would like to do a late plan b while in the process, but since I put this all in God's hands, I feel a whole lot better.

I'm taking this day by day, but it's hard because I like to have a plan.

Want to rock the boat? Get word to her dad, that she has some papers she wants him to review. If that prompts him to ask her.....watch how she handles it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

I have no doubt she doesn't want the divorce. She has it too good right now. She has you around to take care of the house and help with DD while she does what she wants. I doubt she wants to lose that good set up. And of course she gives you grief about snooping, she has something to hide so she needs to manipulate you into thinking snooping is bad. Fortunately for her, it WORKS!

I'm not sure what you mean Mel. How does it work. I've done all I can do or want to do at this time. I've had divorce papers drawn up and I signed them. I've given them to my wife to review and sign. I've made it clear that I do not wish to stay married as long as she is still working with the OM and continues to behave in a manner that is not conducive to being married. I still snoop, I just don't confront her anymore. There's no reason and nothing to be gained. She's lying, I know that, and as long as she continues to lie, there is no chance for recovery.

This is where I'm at and I'm doing the best I can with the cards that have been dealt.

What do you think I should be doing differently?

GT, she has effectively manipulated you into feeling guilty about snooping to the point that she feels FREE to give you grief about it. She has used your inappropriate guilt as a weapon against you. That is what I mean.

GT, you asked what would I do differently? I would press on in the divorce and effect a seperation instead of waiting around for her to wake up. It likely won't happen.

I am just curious why you wouldn't tell her you found the D papers in her purse and know she is lying?

Your WW has 30 days to Answer your Complaint for Divorce. If she does not, you can file a Motion for Default Judgment which, essentially, means everything you ask for is granted. She can always file a Motion to Reconsider and give some excuse why she didn't Answer on time, but a Motion for Default Judgment would force her to act.

Regards,

BB

Mel,

I just don't see the reason to tell her right now, and I guess I don't want her to think I am still snooping. I'd rather wait until I find something out that is a little more important than whether on not she has read the divorce papers. I think it is obvious that she is having doubts, this is her problem, I'm letting her work it out. Mel, I'm in a better place than I've been in a while. I think it would be better if I wasn't in the home, but I'm in a tough spot where that is concerned. I will probably leave, I just want to make sure I have all of my ducks in a row before I do it. That includes emotionally too.


BB, thanks. I think I'm not getting the best legal advise.

Well she opened the letter and gave it to me to look at. There's a lot to not like, but the biggie was that she was asking for child support of 500 dollars a month. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that we will have shared/joint custody. There was a few more things I didn't like, but I'll let the attorney do the talking.

After I read it she said that nothing was written in stone, that she hadn't signed anything and she may not. I told her that was great if it meant that she was willing to fully commit to the marriage. She got mad because she said she knew what that meant.

Oh well, Tuesday/Wednesday should be the plan b move.