Hugs and prayers for you Hurting-
Your words about having so much faith in your marriage and
love really hit home, because that's how I feel too, and
I've even told WH I have enough belief in you and our M
for both of us.
The note in the anniversary card I got from WH (2/7/06)
says "Thanks for being there for me and believing in our
marriage", Love WH
So, he does know it and has appreciated it, but he's still with OW. Sometimes I've thought it seemed like he wanted
and needed me to keep that faith while he didn't have any
himself, but that's just my thought....

It's not a happy day for WS, I'm sure. And, alot can happen
in two months !

Slammed

Hurting - It ain't over till it's over. I've seen lots of marriages here come back from the brink. Don't give up hope.

No, Healing, your WH has NOT made a fool of you !!

He IS the fool... He is the one who is acting foolish, the OW has made a fool out of him !!

You will get through this. We will make sure you do !!!


P.S. Peachy, the Z Pak takes about 3 or 4 days sometimes to really start noticing the improvements. Hang in there. And, gargle with very warm salt water for your throat. It really is the best thing. hugs

car

oklahoma

my last contact with my H (his nasty messages and e-mails) was march 28 so it's been one month of total darkness for me too

my heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you

i fear that thise papers will come anyday for me also

but i've read here about marriages saved just as they are about to end....maybe that's what some WS need to see what they are really going to lose

you are in my thoughts

Hurting:

You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

You know how I'm more on the positive extreme.

In acknowledging that, I think from now to June 28th is a LONG TIME in the AFFAIR WORLD....

okla,

((((((hugs!!!)))))

Remember Harley told you that this would most likely end in divorce, and to prepare yourself.

You have roughly 2 months to prepare yourself for this.

Right or wrong, it is. You must prepare yourself to be on your own. Please insist on spousal support, as you will need this to get your butt to school and get a degree so you can have a decent job and benefits.

Regardless, you are WORTHY, in spite of what has happened. You have done what you and your spouse agreed to all these years. He worked and you stayed home with the children.

You have taken care of everyone, and made the kid's dad look good. WS, I suspect, has been away from home more that not, and when he was there has there, made nice. And was a lot of fun. That's okay. You were all glad to see him and loved him and he was a great support.

You have been in the trenches with the school, doctor's and all that good stuff that goes along with being a parent, EVERYDAY. I know this hurts, because you were always the one that was there when your WS was traveling, on his job.

You went thru a depression when your dad died, and you withdrew for awhile. This is normal. A lot of us have gone thru death, it's not easy, especially the first time with a parent. You have always been the ROCK, and YOU needed a rock when your dad died,your WS was not there. I'm not saying you were always right, or nice, but you needed a rock.

Hon, you have been through a lot on your own, without H as he was on the road, and I think you can do this.

I know the financial thing is big, and if DS is with WS then child support would be an issue, for the next 2 years. I dunno.

Glad your DD is coming around. Be thankful for the 2 kids you have that brighten your life, and look ahead. I am sorry about your DS. Give this time, and just a lot of love to DS when you talk to him. Keep it short and sweet when you talk to him.

Lean on God, if you will, He will never forsake you or leave you. He has a plan for your life, in His time. God knows your heart and has wonderful things for you, and yours.

Understand that the Lord is your ROCK. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Thanks all for the support. I wish I had the proper words to express it to all of you.

I remember Harley telling me this will likely be what happens, but I still had so much hope and faith it would not happen.

How do I prepare myself for this? Its all so final like a death. The end of hopes and dreams we had for so many years. These dreams are now dead and he is making them with someone else. We used to paln for the days when the kids would be grown and we would be able to spend our time together and travel and do wonderful things.

We talked about watching our grandchildren grow up and enjoy being grandparents together. Its all gone now,how do you move past all of that?

I just feel like I have lost part of me and I can't find it no matter how hard I try. I know its out there but its hidden and I keep searching and searching but I can't find it..... I f eel so lost and alone......

I am dying on the inside, I want the pain to stop..... I want my life back.....


Hurting

My dear Hurtin',

You want and deserve more than your life back. You deserve to be happy.

For that reason, you should move forward. Right now the only life inhabiting your H's body is that of the WS who is clearly NOT your H.

He is in an unstable A which time will tell the outcome. Your sons and daughter are being pulled into the mire along with all other relatives and friends who care for him.

Yet despite all the mothership and her passengers have tried t/d to you, you have survived. Done more than survive.... you have survived with grace and dignity which slaps the A every time you name is mentioned and thought they give to you. Which btw, is probably more than you think.

With that awesome tool at your disposal...... keep moving forward. Is your name still tattooed on his arm? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

(((Hurting))))

Try not to be too upset about the status of the divorce. I look at the divorce papers as merely a change in my IRS tax filing status. I am legally married, but my H is gone, a piece of paper won't make my life look any different than it does today.

I want my life back too, and realizing that it has evaporated without a reasonable explanation has been the most difficult part.

Have you and WH agreed on all the divorce stuff? I can't remember whether your mediation was a complete sucess. Are you two in agreement about the spousal support and child support stuff?

Take a break, mourn this loss, then start traveling back up that staircase to see what is on the second floor. (And two months is an awfully long time by the affair time clock).

Hurting -

Just checking in on you this morning. Many times for me when I was down & out in the night waking up to a new day made me feel so much better.

Today is a blank slate. Another beautiful day that God has given us. We have our health and so many gifts that we don't acknowledge every day. You are blessed.

Take care,

Kim

but it's not

it may feel like a death

but it is not

it is living with the knowledge that a dream has been extinguished

there is a difference

and the reason I bring this up

you can light a new dream whenever you are ready

but you cannot resurrect the dead

love

Pep

Yes it is still there and probably always will be unless he wins the lotto and can afford to have it taken off. Its huge and I will admit I get satisfaction knowing she has to look at it everyday...


jean I know your right. It is only pieces of paper. Everyone keeps telling me that. In my head I know thats all it is but my heart says its the end of a commitment with him he made to me in front of God.


pep, your right its time to make new dreams. New dreams that don't include my H as part of them. I must mourn the old ones to allow the new ones to take their place and I know it will happen.

Hurting

Remember this too...

You only have TODAY...

Enjoy TODAY as much as you can...

This is what I tell my terminally ill patients...

Who knows what the future holds...

Just like you know from witnessing that accident, tomorrow is not promised...

THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE..REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT...

During my Plan B, I began growing flowers. Watching my flowers grow each day was a testimony to me that LIFE GOES ON and GOD IS GOOD...

Go outside, Hurting and get in touch with GOD'S CREATIONS.

This will bring you comfort...

Mimi,

I did as you suggested. I got in my car and drove to the wildlife refuge this morning.

I stopped by the lake and sat on a bench and watched the waves roll in and watched a lone buffalo grazing on the side. It was peaceful I was by myself.

I felt the breeze from the water rush across my face and blow my tears into the wind. As I sat there I thought about my life and where I have been and where I am going.

I thought of my 25 year marriage and of all the things that have happened. The day I got married, the days our children were born and then the day my world fell apart. No we didn't have a perfect marriage , who does. There were hard times and happy times , times of despair when I thought how will we ever make it. But we did , we l eaned on each other through many rough times, the deaths of both our fathers, the almost loss of our DD when she was 6.

So much laughter, joy, tears and heartache through the years. But never once did I ever stop loving my husband no matter what was said or done. Even now that still continues. So this leads me to ask myself why? Why do I still love a man who has said cruel things to me and walked away without caring about my feelings. Is this what is called true and uncondtitional love or is it being afraid and just wanting what I think i want? is it just comfortable and i am afraid of change?

I have looked at myself and I see and acknowledge and have aplogized for my part in the breakdown of our marriage. I am working very hard to change those things about myself for me not just our marriage. I can't or won't make excuses for myself or use my depression as a crutch for what happened the last two years or so. Yes, I pulled away and yes I didn't show the love and affection I should have but never once did I not love my Husband. I should have went to him for help and told him how i was feeling. But in return he should have done the same for me. Instead what did he do he allowed another woman to come between us. He fell down the slippery slope with no rope to pull him up.

So now the question is where do I go from here? I asked God to give me that answer today as I sat at peace with nature. I know I have to mourn the loss of the life I had and move on to a new life. I have no idea what that will be yet but i have to embrace it and move ahead and see where this path leads.

I have no idea if it will ever lead me back to the man I love or will it lead me to someone new. But I realize its not in my hands, its in the hands of God. I have to trust in him and know he will make the right descions for me. I have to turn my husband over to God and let his will be done.

So I will mourn the ending I am about to embark upon and probably cry many tears yet but once its over, I will turn my face into the sun and walk down the path of healing. It will come....

Hurting

wow

Hey, Mimi. I know what you are talking about. I'm a formerly terminal patient myself. Supposed to be buried five years ago. (And at the very least, permanently disabled, unable to eat or speak or swallow.)

And look at me now!

Hurting, Just Learning had another post on another thread, about how much people like you and I have to be grateful for. He pretty much summed the list: great kids that I adore; a wonderful career, with another wonderful career in my future; and I married the man I loved, and I got his last remaining good years (especially true in my case, because he's permanently stroke-disabled, not to mention screwy in the head). You, too, hurting. If WH is going down the tubes, you don't want to ride with him. It took me several years to realize that: I'm still hurt and angry ... but I'm deeply grateful, too, beyond all that.

Just Learning forgot to mention health though!

Hurting -

What a wonderful post & wonderful posts from the others. Take this one moment, one step, one day at a time. You do not know what tomorrow brings .....Perhaps your WH will wake up, perhaps he won't. But it is time to start living your life now.

I realized a couple of days ago that I had stopped living. I was just going through the motions. Sure on the outside I looked great - but on the inside I was dead. I was just waiting. Waiting day by day for that note to come up from WH saying the words I wanted to hear.

You still have things to experience and love. I know you will be fine Hurting.

Love and Hugs,

Kim

hurting,

That was a beautiful and touching post. Thank you for sharing it.

No matter the path you end up on - with or without WH - I truly believe you will find happiness, love and peace.

My prayers are with you.

FIM

sweetie...start living. what I emailed 2 u today was that you've got to realize that this is change that you fear. simply change. it is scary that all that you know..your universe..is out of alignment.

that what it was to me at the center of the whole chaos that was my separtion and divorce.

fear of the unknown. fear of change.

I did not love the Ws. I loved the man I once knew. that man is gone.

focus on NOW...do not focus on past. it is what it is and today is what is now. I had to live in the present...not be a chained up slave of a past. a past that seemed pretty...but when dissected, I saw his fatal flaws beginning and alas, there still was nothing I could do for him.

everything seems rosier when you romanticize the past. sure, there were wonderful times, but when you think of the last year, the unwanted drama and pain...doesn't it make you wince? sure made me.

I learned to accept my past. embrace it. and say that was GOOD. THAT WAS GOOD. and today? TODAY IS UP TO ME TO MAKE IT GOOD. to forge A NEW TOMORROW.

that part is up to you.

someday your WH will wake up. he sure will. and that time, it will be up to YOU hurting to decide if you want him any longer. I truly believe that. but you today live. live for now. Live for the incredible woman you've grown into.

what I've learned is this...I OUTGREW MY XH. sure did. I am not the same. while he stayed frozen in his alien lifeform state, I have become a butterfly. I cooped myself up in a coccoon during those dark years of his affairs and the separation...and when I chose to emerge, I HAD CHANGED...sure did. and SO HAVE YOU <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

honey, you've changed. you've grown. you're ten times more woman now than before. stronger, more loving...incredible!

we don't know what tomorrow brings. even those married don't know. and change is scary. but it CAN ALSO BE EXCITING <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> give it a try. keep an open mind.

you never know what is around the corner...mostly it's usually good stuff. on your terms t his time.

and remember what I believe about faith/karma...you're laying down a great path for an excellent future. will definitely be your way when you least expect it...trust me, happiness will find its way to your door.

Hurting,

I would love to Quote Yogi and write that it's not over until the fat lady sings: however, even after it's over, it's not always over.

Maybe I shouldn't be writing you this at this time. When you get your life going, don't be surprised if your XH wants to return.

When My 1st wife left us, I was told to be prepared to decide if I want her back when she returns. At the time, I couldn't imange that happening in a million years. Sure enough, a few years after she left and we were divorced, she asked to return.

Since someone else told me, I guess mine was not an isolated case.

Build your life, move in and up, and don't be surprised if he comes crawling back.