I received notice from my solicitor this morning that the Decree Nisi was pronounced on April 18th. I can apply for the divorce to be made final six weeks and one day from then.

I will probably be divorced in early June.

I never wanted this. I loved my STBX very much, but he's been gone for over a year now, living with the OW, and has shown no remorse nor a single backward glance in my direction. He is seeing the kids regularly, for which I am grateful, but doesn't speak to me and that is best all round, I think. He seems very angry with me because of the exposure I did, but I'll never regret doing that to try to save my marriage.

Something that's been going around and around in my head this morning, since I received the Decree Nisi, is a small incident that occurred about two days before he left. I don't know why I'm thinking about it now - I'd completely forgotten about it.

I was standing at the sink, washing the dishes. He came up behind me, and put his arms around me. He kissed my neck and my hair, and said 'You always smell so nice'.

I just don't understand how he could say that to me, feel that, and then leave. I know it's fog, I know that the OW probably stank of sexy perfume which overwhelmed my safe, wifey smell. But I still don't get it. I never will.

I'm doing OK, I really am. But I'm just down today. Everything is becoming so final.

Alph.

((((((Alphin))))))

Thanks, bigkahuna - I need hugs today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I kinda sensed that. I am so sorry for your loss. I feel so lucky to be recovering with my wonderful wife.

Bless you alphin.

I wanted to sends hugs your way, too. I have been feeling the same way lately. I, too, say I am doing okay, but then also have these moments of loss and sadness--and at first, I tried to push them away because I am supposed to be strong--but it's okay to cry and be sad. My friend told me last night after I broke down on the phone this--I am actually glad to know you're crying because I was worried about you because you hadn't shown me that side yet--and it's so normal to do so.

I have read a lot of your posts and have admired your strength--but I want to tell you too that it's okay to be sad. I don't know how they can do this either--but they WILL wake up one day and then THEY have to live knowing what they have done--and that is one place I would hate to be.

Hang in there. And again--((((Alphin)))).

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

((((( Alphin )))))

From across the Pond, 10 times the hugs you feel you need.

May God comfort you through this time.

God bless.

Hi Alph.

For some people, there's only one answer when their mistake is known far and wide: instead of rejecting their mistake and making amends for it, they retreat from the world, possibly with the exception of their extended family and a few grudgingly loyal friends, hide out with their mistake, and take refuge in the thought that the people they're afraid to face are judgemental and bitter.

They can go a long time like that, possibly forever. And they're fine! It's remarkable. I'm not a holy person, but it reminds me of the Book of Job. Job says, "Why do I suffer while people who are not righteous are happy?" The Lord says, "Shut up and worship me, puny earthling. Stop asking these foolish questions."

GC

((Alphin))

Our situations seem so similar, I am always interested in how things are going for you.

Did you get the financials straightened out, are you still thinking about moving?

I have an angry WH also, who has never appeared to second guess his decision. Really weird stuff, this twist in life's curve.

Give your DD's a special MB hug.

Alphin - I've got my arms around you right now.

- Kimmy

{{{Alphin}}}

Your posts have always encouraged me and given me strength. It's okay to be sad. I truly believe one day your stbx will regret and feel terrible, especially if he loves his daughters very much.

Milk

Thanks so much for all the hugs!

Financially, things are looking a little better. I am expecting an inheritance to come through shortly, which will ease my situation significantly. STBX's atty has sent an email to my atty re some 'matrital debts' which he wants me to help him pay. One of these is his credit card bill (in his own name) which he has used to fund his affair! He also wants to have joint custody of the kids. My atty laughed at the email.

Things are still up in the air about moving. We recently visited BIL in Norfolk and checked out the area - it's lovely there, though it seems to rain alot! So much space and fresh air. I've always wanted to live in the country. We'll see.

DD6 has just come home from school, and given me lots of hugs. I think they were just a ploy to get me to give her more chocolate Easter egg, but a hug is a hug.

I let her have some egg. I'm so easy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thanks again, everyone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Alphin, If you could stop the D and attempt reconciliation, would you?

I just let my kids eat the whole lot of Easter eggs in a couple of days. They had them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Hi TT.

No, I don't think I would now. I don't love him, although I guess I could learn to do that again. The main problem is that I've lost all respect for him. This is terminal, in my book.

I know he doesn't have it in him to come back. He's a CA extraordinaire, and really quite a weak person. He's run away from everything unpleasant to do with his affair, or blamed it on me.

It's easier for him to stay in the A, so that's what he'll do.

I don't want him back.

How are you doing, TT?

Alph.

(( my little friend ))

Alphin, I'm ok. WH is no longer having his A. I guess she dumped him. He doesn't know yet but I'm possibly going to make him the offer of a lifetime. I'm pondering on a lot of stuff right now, but he's sick and lonely and it's hard to sit back and do nothing. So I have a plan, but I haven't yet decided how to implement it. My brother is visiting next week though so that should be fun. TT