I was in an abusive marriage and have been single for 26 months.Five weeks ago I met this man and discovered my son had dated his daughter in the past too.The situation he is in is that he is going though a divorce but lives in the same house as his wife still although they sleep seperately.
I have been told his wife has been having an affair for the past three years, although he doesnt know the nature of the relationship she has with the other man.I have been told that they have slept apart for the last 10 months. I wasnt happy about carrying on seeing him as his wife came on our first date and waited in the car!!!!!
I stupidly carried on seeing him and I feel disgusted in myself as I should NEVER have got involved.He has been telling me for the past 5 weeks she is moving out but she hasnt.When he meets me it is only when she is at work etc so she doesnt know. He has told all of his children that I am his girlfriend and that he loves me,I dont feel the same way about him.
Last week I noticed some patterns of his behaviour that I didnt like, I felt put down, belittled and controlled, this happened again yesterday so I have ended the relationship. This man also started rubbishing my friends and telling me how to parent my children.The problem for me is that he will tex,phone me and come to my house as he seems obsessed with me to the extent that I couldnt do anything without him disturbing me.
I dont know why but I feel I have been taken over in some way, been taken advantage of and used? The only reason I carried on seeing him is I was lonely. I want to know how to keep him out of my life so I can move on and what you think his motives are/where??
Thanks,
Twinkle

His wife was in the car on the first date? He puts your friends down, he's controlling, he's obsessed with you, all after five weeks! Very disturbing.

In no uncertain terms you have to tell him, NO MORE! Make it short, do it in a pulic place, do not answer his calls or your door if he comes over. If he harasses you either in person or by phone call the police.

As far as taking care of yourself goes. You must take better care of yourself. Perhaps due to your abusive marriage you don't know how to do this. Go to a library & check out books on abuse & how it affects a spouse. Get some books on understanding low self esteem. See a counselor if you can. Understand yourself & take steps to take care of yourself.

I agree with nams. If you don't help yourself first and get yourself to exactly where you want to be and be strong in you, you will keep going for men who are like your ex. I know I don't want what I had in my ex ever again. That is one big reason I have waited so long to date or get real involved. I know exactly what I want now and will not settle for less. Lonely will not happen anymore when you get yourself together. When you are strong in who you are you are ok with being alone for awhile. To me, a relationship is not what makes or breaks me. I am good with who I am, happy. A relationship will accent that and ice the cake so to speak. I am ok with being alone. I have my kids, school, work, friends. I know that if I get into a relationship and it does not work out, I can do it on my own just fine. I think you have to be there before you can be with someone else. Get some help or read if you can, and take nams advice. mlhb

Thanks for the replies they make good sense! I have a very supportive counsellor but had a two week break,I have been today and he agrees it disturbing.The man boasts about being forceful and admires the fact he thought I was placcid but I am not. I have stood up to him and ended the relationship as I became aware also of my vulnerabilities being tapped into.This man reminds me both of my Father and my ex husband and I am not having that!!! I dont like the instructor type people,my life is going from strength to strength.I am studying for a HND and I am going back to work soon as I am a qualified Nurse.
Geri

Hi Geri,

I'm glad to hear you've taken control of your situation. Not only will you improve this particular problem but you'll come to respect yourself & your strengths. Each step builds on the other & soon you'll know you have what it takes to create the life you want for yourself.

5 weeks? and he LOVES you?
That alone would scare me off!

I think you were very wise to remove yourself from this situation.