Good morning all,

I could use some advice from those of you who have worked through the joint policy agreement . Please no put downs, just asking for advice on how you worked through it. My spouse and I are in counseling both of us say we want to make our marriage work and not just for the children. My problem is I believe actions speak louder than words, I dearly miss the companionship and everything that we had in our marriage.

My spouse isn't really accepting the love busters withdrawls and deposit theme to heart. I am trying everyway possible to put love units in his bank and occasionally I see glint of hope. I feel he tries now and again to put love units in my bank but then turns around and takes them plus more back again with his thoughtless behavior.

Now working with him on Joint policy he doesn't see why it should be a problem for him to use one or both of the weekend evenings to do his extra curricular activities (I am not invited, it isn't really something I would want to do but I have offered to go along with him). One of these activities he is highly competative in and training for a competition I have always supported him in this endevor from being in the stands to giving encouragement. I know this sport is his heart and soul and would never try to come between him and it.

Now he has added another activiity that he also feels is a necessity and to be accepted by this group he has to take trips and attend meetings (mandatory) with this group. He plans trips, outing and meeting far in advance for both of these interests siteing expanding his horizons, and finally doing things he always dreamed of doing.

On the other hand,I can't get him to commit time for us to be together ALONE for even one weekend evening. He has never brought up a "date" or an outing thats something I seem to be expected to do along with finding a sitter. The problem is, he doesn't commit or holds off so long I can't get a sitter and its more pressure on me. He is continually pushing me to find activities outside the home as well. I enjoy planting and spending time with our kids, want time with hubby and my job fufills alot of my artistic needs as well as I do alot of things with my friend when my husband is out. I am thinking if he can push me to find more to do on the outside he thinks he will be free to do more on his own. What happens to the marriage then?

At this stage in our marriage which our counselor calls very critical I feel we must schedule time together and atleast get some feelings of companionship going again ( I have never felt so lonely as I do right now)
When I asked him to put aside his NEW interest so as to have time to work on US he says I have no right to ask this of him when I know its so important . We both work long hours at our jobs and have two small children at home we are lucky to get a hour of conversation in a night before we hit the sack.

We are going to sit down tonight and try and discuss this issue he said, he feels we can come up with a schedule if we sit and discuss it. Should I believe our Marriage should come before all else?
I am willing to have it come second to his competative sport but am I being selfish wanting it to come before his new love?

I do not want to make it appear I am saying do this or else so how do I help him see how the time he is putting into his special interest is driving an even deeper wedge in our incompatibility?

Please help if you can.

Thanks

Sure, but keep in mind that that is your belief, not his.


Careful here, what precident is it setting?


OK.... If you'd like some help, you are going to need to open up to us a little.

What is y'alls weekly schedule by day and time?
What are these interests/hobbies of his?

Post that and let's see if we can help.