when i get upset at our situation i let me husband know how i feel and it can lead up to a fight. i have to send oc's insurance card for dr. i won't let him do it b/c i don't want him to have contact w/ow. after a couple of years of him knowing how i feel about this situation should i let ow know?

I don't think so, nothing good will come from it....I say, write her letter....keep it, read it occassionally, and then when your ready...burn it.

I can tell you from my experience telling the OW how you feel is useless.
In my sitch, at first she blew smoke up my a** by acting as if I had profoundly effected her with my honesty and that she was going to change (later I found out she did this because she was still sleeping w/H) and the last time I confronted her she went crazy cussing me like I maniac(of course because H had completely cut it off w/her).
I have to admit it made me feel better at the time but in the big picture it did absolutely no good at all.
So if you feel you just have to ( and I felt the same way . . . my H hears how I feel so should OW) go ahead but know it really won't do anything in the long run.

I have battled with should I or shouldnt I????

The urge is so strong too, but from reading here I back off for now anyways. I always speak my mind and guess since I have not had my chance to give her my 2 cents worth makes me feel weak, and that it was ok for her to do what she did. Speaking my mind would help me in some ways. I want to look in her eyes and let her know what she did to me and 3 innocent kids. I want to see her guilt, I want her to know every time she recieves her CS payment what great sacrifices my kids had to make for it.

Even tho at times I would like to hear a sorry from her even tho I know it wont change my feelings for her it would be nice but after many months of thinking on it I did decide tho I probably wont believe her anyways that it was sincere, for what reason would I believe in anything she said.

YOur right I dont think just your H should be the only one to hear it, but I am still debating on wheather to do it or not.

If you only knew how many times I have picked up the phone to call that woman and lay her out...but I always hung up. My girlfriend even asked for her number...and promised to call from a pay phone, but I said no. As time goes on, the feeling to have it out with her lessens...there are still those moments..but it gets better and better.

I too am outspoken...and if something is bothering me, I like to go to the source...but it won't do any good, because I don't think I'll be talking to a person who is able to hear the truth yet...maybe one day, but not today.

I agree with crazyhurt here:



You think that talking to this OW will make you feel better, but all it will do is make you even more angry and hurt than you already are.

I think it cant hurt to tell her your feelings. I did and with speaking to her made me realize what a freaking liar the psycho was. I knew then that if she continued to lie even when i knew the truth then obviously she was only into the selfish instant gradification of her own wants and desires. I never had to wonder I knew because i got it straight from the fat cows mouth. lol

I also let it go on her which made it better for my husband because he was getting the brunt of my anger which was for both of them. So I only had my issues with his behavior for him and I let my issues with her behavior go after I told her off at the time.

I keep an email saved in my drafts folder and I re-read it from time to time or add to it on occasion. I'll never send it. The one email I did send to OW was taken out of context and she responded with off the wall stuff so I know it would do me no good to waste my time. It wouldn't get through her 20 year old super-condensed pea soup fog. I so want to blast her but she would find some way to spin it and be the victim yet again (in her mind).