My husband and I have been going through a very rough period in our marriage- in short(OK LONG):
-December husband flirted too much with woman at Christmas party-claimed to know her little, only as coworker
-In January found phone records-they had been spending HOURS a day on the phone since October
-He claims ( and I believe him) that yes,he crossed a line had an "Emotional"affair, but that is all that happened
-Started counseling-he told me that he had not loved me as a wife for 3-5 years Didn't think we would make it-we've been married 17 years 3 kids, 16,13,8
-He dropped the girl as a friend, started traveling more with job, and has made a real effort to reconnect with me and our kids, calls alot, does things with me like dinner, social, boating
-Our counselors mother became ill and we have not been to counseling in a month- we went today. Last night he told me that he is still not sexually attracted to me and is frustrated that those feelings have not yet returned.
-I asked him if our marriage stayed the way it is rught now, would we be married in a year and he said no. He doesn't just want to be married to a friend, but he can't just make those feelings come back.
He acknowledges that love is a decision and he says that he is trying to be positive and has decided to love me. He wants our marriage to work and that this is a just hurdle. I asked if it was a hurdle that we could jump and he said yes.
The problem is I am scared and discouraged that he cannot tell me that without a shadow of a doubt our marriage will work. I just want to know that it will work and those feelings will come back- how do we make them come back? I am so scared

Take it one day at a time. Don't try and think too much about a year from now. What is much more important is today and tomorrow and maybe the rest of the week. Beyond that, though, who knows?

That is what I am having a hard time with, I want to be positive, but I also want to protect myself. How can I keep myself fully committed when I feel like I need to run. I don't want to be left alone can't help but wonder if he will ever feel differently or should I just accept it and let him go.
Can wanting those feelings to come back, guarantee that the will come back? Can wanting those feelings to come back make them come back?
I realized that the only way to make my marriage work was to open myself completely, something I had truly ever done. Now, I feel like I have done that and it will hurt even more when he leaves and I have allowed it to happen to myself

When I hear these discussions it always reminds me of the quote, "tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". To me it's like you have to get to a point where you either pour yourself entirely into the marriage and enjoy it for what it is, or you decide this is not what I want and it's time to retreat and find what I really want. Why go around never loving at all? And I know that isn't where you are, but you probably understand what I mean. Why get stuck at a place when you can move on and either love the one you are with or find happiness elsewhere. I advocate finding the happiness in the one you are with, but you have to see that just staying in that stuck position isn't gaining anything. It doesn't protect you anymore by guarding your feelings, because you never enjoy what you could of had. So you miss 80% by protecting 20%. You guard this small part for a long time that says I won't let myself heal. And if you had let it heal to only get wounded again, then you would have gained much, lost much and moved on. Whereas you gained nothing, lost a good bit but still moved on. I see no point in the stall mate of it all.