rprynne, you can't tell your W to not have a career. But you can tell her the truth, that your marriage will not survive if her career causes seperations. One does not have to have a career that causes seperations. You should not be supportive of a job that involves travel if you know, and you do, that it will be to the detriment of your marriage. Again, you should not support anything that is damaging to your marriage if you want to HAVE a marriage. And neither should she.

If her career goals are achieved at the EXPENSE of your marriage, then you know that she is not willing to do what it takes to protect your marriage and is not in it for the long haul.


He did not say this. He said: "I have fallen out of love with you and want a divorce."

This is the typical result when someone selfishly pursues their career at the expense of the marriage. I neglected my husband for years. He found someone who did not neglect him.

As Dr. Phil would ask, "how's that working for ya?"

Oh no, not a Dr. Phil quote.

I understand what your saying, but I still have to noodle on that for a while.

lol sorry, rprynne! I don't even like the guy, but it was just SO appropos. I see you have been posting on Pep's thread about Buyers, Freeloaders, Renters. Do you have that book?

Nope, but I'll probably give it a read.

Hey rprynne,
You might want to call out star*fish for some advice on the working/travel thing. She gives relly awsome/balanced/thoughtful perspectives on things. And IF I remember correctly (not %100 sure) her H had an affair AND travels for business. Just a thought if you still have Q's about this topic.
--SC

I don't disagree and to some extent don't totally agree with the prior posts. Perhaps I started working because I wasn't happy in my M. Perhaps my M wasn't happy because I work so much. In my mind at least it was years of only having conversations about a household "to-do list", or years of "do you want me to buy you a birthday gift" or if we go to that ____ where do we park or where do we buy tickets, or what do you know about it..." (which totally blew the event for me because by the time I found out all the variables I didn't want to do it any more)... In my mind, at least, what I had was my career. It was certain, it was only the work. It wasn't personal and the disappointments were expected and not from someone that you loved. It is easy to pour yourself in that. Those were the things that lead to the A. Not the distance or the travel. The travel only kepted it farther away from home. My H said I should post and be honest and this is the most honest I have been.

I hated being at home. I had times for years that I would take the long way home or circle the block so that I didn't have to go in and say that I was sorry, I was so busy at work that I couldn't do a personal thing that I said I would do. My life was all about checking off the to do list and making sure I kept as good a home as I could and one that looked good from the outside looking in.

The distance now is hard and not ideal for working out problems. I know that and I try very hard to make my H feel safe and do the right things. I don't to fall into the same patterns as it relates to my A. But I also don't want to fall into the same patterns I/We had in our M.

margieT

That was a heartfelt post, thanks for sharing.

You know ;I see your point on it was'nt the distance or travel.
I can see in your posts too you have a lot of anguish(?) there.I myself have avoided homeground at times.I suspect most of the human race has.

You left a really big clue as to why...say it, just don't print it.

Max

MT, I remember posting to you months ago when you first arrived here, you came and left and now are back. I'm following you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> And this is just a little note to say I am admiring your openess & honesty the past few days.

After reading your post today, I was reading a devotional, it reminded me so much of you, and me (years ago) so I thought I would share it with you.

I hope it helps in some way too.

http://www.oneplace.com/devotionals/encouragement/default.aspx

Blessing & Healing to you and rprynne,
Lady

MT - Its good you are being honest.

Do you hate to be at home now? Does your H still do these things that hurt you? Why do you think you would fall into the same pattern?

Thanks to all for the follow up and ladysheep thanks for the link. You are right-it sounds like me. rprynne, I don't hate being home now. It is sometime difficult not feeling the "spark" that should exist. It sometimes makes me sad that I can have such respect and care for my H but not have that special feeling that I know should be there. I wonder what will happen if the feeling doesn't return. More importantly, I don't want to cause my H any more pain. Here's hoping the feelings return.