I keep saying I am going to plan B, I always find a reason not to, which tells me I am not ready.

I must say I am sick to death of being so kind and understanding, when I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

He is living like he is on vacation. Doing what ever he wants when ever he wants. He is living in a $2000000.00 house completely rent free, while he has left me w/ every debt we have ever had. I even pay for his cell and truck ins. I plan to discontinue those when I plan B.

I ask him to do something w/ daughter and I, he says maybe thurs, he is going to work out w/ his friend. It seems to me he is dead serious about me being his "friend". I feel so degraded and hurt by this. It makes me absolutly sick.

Will someone please, please tell me what is going on? Is this the way things are supposed to go?

We have been separated since Feb. He has given me no indication what so ever what his intentions are. I do beleive he is not longer interested in his EA as nothing more than a friend at this time. I feel like I am up against a brick wall.

I have exposed to death and it doesn't seem to really bother him. I have one more to expose to which is the owner of the house he is staying in. She is supposed to call me tonight and I will tell her by asking if she would approve of his very innapropriate friendship if it were her husband.

I am sorry I rambled, but I really needed to vent. My friends are tired of listening to me. This is the only place to vent.

Married 13yrs
Me 36
WH 39
D 12
WH EA 1 year
WH left Feb for a 6 month separation to "think"?

Julie

Julie,
I am sorry that you are going through this. What have you done in Plan A? How closely have you followed the MB plan? Do you understand what Plan A is completely? It is hard to do it for a long time as you do get pretty beat down. I strongly urge counseling with the Harleys as they will get a bead on your situation and help you figure out the next steps to take. You also then have a knowledgeable person in your corner to support you. DO you know what your WH's EN's are? Leaving your M to "think" is a common way that WS's buy more time to continue their A and do whatever they please without the guilt, while also staying married and keeping you on the hook.

Hi anne,

Thank you for your reply.

I have followed the plan as closly as I know from reading this site constantly.

Beat down? I feel like I have been through a war.

I should contact the Harley's, as I have not done so.

I have shown in multiple ways the changes I have made. I have changed all of the things in myself wich he said caused him to fall out of love w/ me.

He said that I am a horrible mean person - that is not true, I have put much thought into this. I fought this EA for a year, when others say it would not have lasted a month. Others also say they that they would have approached her and said some pretty harsh things. I have done none of those things. I did invite her to lunch on me a couple of wks ago to clear the air and talk this through. She never replied - hmmm. She told wh that she would just like to put this all behind her. I bet she does.

None the less, I am so nice, I feel at this point I could win an oscar.

sundog wrote She has vaccilated between being with you and not being with you multiple times. Every time she thinks she's going to lose you, she reaches out to make sure you are there. If you are ready to end this game, go for plan B. State the terms and conditions of ending plan B and so on. sundog wrote this in another post and seems to ring true for me.

If I should respect the fact that he does not love me, then shouldn't he respect the fact that I am not into being his friend? I know I should be, afterall we were friends before we got together. It just hurts so damn much.

Julie

If you are suffering while WH is happily fence-sitting and cake-eating, then it's time for Plan B.

If you wait too long, you may end up despising him so much you just go straight for Plan D instead.

And no - nobody in their right mind wants to be "friends" with somebody who lies to them and cheats on them. WSs virtually always want to be "friends" with the shocked and suffering BS. With friends like that, who needs enemas?
Mulan

I know you are absolutly right mulan. Thank you.

I have to get him to write a bid for me if I can't find anyone else to, this is one of the reasons I have not proceeded to plan B.

You are also right in the fact that I am starting to despise him.

I keep thinking he still has not gotton his own phone or truck and trailer ins because he plans to work on us. Or could it be that I am just stupid?

Julie

Hi Julie - Nope, he's just too involved in his own selfish behavior. Believing that you will take are of everything else.

Do you have all of your financial ducks in a row for going into Plan B? Get your own checking account, etc.

Kim

Hi Kim,

Yeah I have all my financial ducks in a row. He left me w/ every possible debt we ever had.


He makes a lousy truck payment for himself. He lives completely free on the beautiful lake ontario. while I pay for everything.

Hopefuly he can tear himself away from his friends long enough to write a bid for me.

I hate the rollercoaster - one day I am angry, next missing him, next sad beyond beleif... etc.

I hope that I stay angry w/ him, I feel much more in control for some reason.

Thanks,

Julie