Well. it's been a rough 2 years and 2 months since the 1st time she...FWW, had left me and it now seems that D may be the best for us.

We was together Sunday in church...3rd week in a row as a couple and about the 6th for her.
When a lady got up to give testimony of her faith and thanking the Lord for giving her the blessing of her husband of 23 years.... I was very touched and started to cry, my W asked whats wrong and I looked her in the eye and said I only wished she loved me that way...as I felt that she didn't. She replied "you're weird".

As I prayed and sat there in church I could feel as if she was a 1000 miles away from me. Church ended and we returned home... I asked if she wanted to go for a Harley ride? Something that she once truly loved to do with me.

She said no...and we ate lunch and then took a nap...after awake we again spoke about our marriage amd I let her know that I again felt as if she really didnt love me as a wife needs to love her husband, and she instruted me to make contact with my Lawyer and get this ended....she as usal told me she loved me but although she had tried so hard she just can't seem to love me the same as she once did.

Later that night...after she read her Bible she returned to bed with me and said "maybe we can work this out?". But totally changed on Monday and asked me to go thru with the agreement...Of D.

She left last night prior to me coming home....said to me on phone "I love you". I again said the same to her and she said "I'm sorry I let you down." I haven't heard from her since and I too...apolized for my faults and told her that I'll always love her and it is tough to try to accept the fact that she didn't or I mean don't love me enough. She said "Its very hard for her to accept that fact for her also."

Well thats about all for now. I think I'm going to be fine and quit holding on to her...maybe she needs to be without me.

Welderboy,

Just curious if you have ever gone dark on W with a hard plan B?

She doesn't know what she's got until it's gone!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

k

Nope...she even during A was aways staying in touch with me then also. I at the time didn't know she was doing the A...I beleived what she told me...about wanting time to find herself etc...and had at times stayed at her appt. just sleepig over and holding her.

She has vaccilated between being with you and not being with you multiple times. Every time she thinks she's going to lose you, she reaches out to make sure you are there. If you are ready to end this game, go for plan B. State the terms and conditions of ending plan B and so on.

I guess....it's more than plan B. She has made a pretty good agreement on the division of our property...and I had given this draft to my Lawyer. I want to be loved....and she says she can't feel 100% for me. I needed my EN's met also. Perhaps I'll set her free.

You are going to do just fine, WB. Better than fine. No need to play yo yo any more. And that's good.

Think of the opportunity. You are young (from my hill at least). You have friends. You have MB knowledge for your next R.

And you have a Harley. I want a Harley.

Oh, and you have my prayers,

You will be great.

""You will be great.""

AMEN TO THAT!

Welder, I have given you a hug every single time this has happened and now is no exception.

(((((Welderboy)))))

This is where the door gets locked, and if at some point in the future you want to give her the combination to the lock...well you know what that combo is.

You'll do fine, you are ready I think.

Be careful on that bike though...it's a chick magnet (I hear anyway LOL).

Thanks...as for a chick magnet? It's my 5th Harley and maybe about the 26th or somewhere in there motorcycle I've had over the years, yes I'm a retired enduro/cross country racer. Man...at times like these I miss the dirt.

I hope that all will work out....I feel like I've failed, but I also know how much I've tried, learned and grown.

Also I feel sorry for W....we had tons of good times and a bunch of love....I just seem to love deep.

I asked her the other day....what would she have done if I was the "cheater"....she said "we would of been done then", sometime I think she doesn't feel as if she has been forgiven by me. Hope she understands some day my big love for her.

Well you just convinced me your WW is insane. Refuse to go for a Harley ride??? I'll go with you. I currently ride a Softail Deuce but am thinking to get a chopper made. Live to ride, ride to live dude.

During one of her false recoveries, I bought her a 883 Sportster Custom. She then got ill, lost a kidney, rode it once and we or I sold it last fall.

She sent me a text on my cell home...asking if I was Ok? I told her yes but hope that she understood that I was sorry also and she was forgiven.

She replied that she loved me...but I needed to end the marriage.

Why does she want YOU to end the marriage? Do you want to end it? If not, Plan B might be the better option. To be honest, I can see how your reaction in church could have really hurt her. Depends on where she is in this but if she is feeling remorse, being reminded can be very painful. She might be asking for divorce for HER - or she might be asking for it because she thinks it is best for YOU.

She has said "it's what's best for me." It's not what I want...but I think, that she won't ever figure her self out while trying to save what she feels is a bad marriage. I asked her if she wanted to try NC for a month or something to see how she feels without me and she said no...get the divorce.

I don't know what is the truth in your case. Just don't believe everything people say. If she is feeling a lot of pain, maybe she wants to be released from it. If she feels she has hurt/is hurting you, maybe she wants to release you. You showed her in church how much you want something. If she feels incapable of providing that, and loves you very much, she might be wanting to make that sacrifice out of her love. There could be many explanations besides she has decided it is over and wants out. People don't always say what they mean.

Thats a very good answer...maybe she understands her inabililty to show me the physical love I need and wants me to find someone else for my happiness.

I'm heading back out to the garage...and will check back in prior to bedtime.

I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I wish you all the best in your new beginning. I recently started over myself and can say that absent the drama life is much better.
While I think it might be best to hard and fast plan B here... I am concerned that she is still in an A.. have you confronted her about this?
Either way, be well and take care of yourself.

I know that someone was going to say that, but she has done great at coming straight home from work etc, if anything it could be an EA but I don't think she would do that stuff to herself again.

Thinking about what my MC said a few weeks ago about fake it til' I make it, he must thought that if I showed her happiness she would perhaps start feeling better about the marriage too bad I just now figure it out.

This is along the lines of another thread asking the question of how honest should a BS be? I think you have to lie to an extent. As I posted in another thread, one day a while back I just made the comment to WW that I was unhappy - nothing more - two words - I'm unhappy. She almost left that day.

You have to people suffering the results of the A. Both are hurting for different reasons, to different degrees and on different timelines. Just when my WW starts to see hope, I make her believe there isn't any. She loses hope and then I get better and don't understand why she has given up. I learned to smile and pretend to be happy even when I was really hurting inside. That isn't to say that I lied about how I was feeling. I would say that I was hurt and sometimes I would say I was having a bad day but I would then say that I still loved WW and still believed we would get through it.

Let me give you a hypothetical situation:

1) You are in church


I only wished she loved me that way...as I felt that she didn't.

You are telling WW you have lost hope. Why shouldn't she?

2) You are in church



You tell her you were just thinking about the two of you and that, in spite of what you had been through, you knew that some day it would be you up there thanking the Lord for blessing you with your wife of 23 years. You have no clue how that would have gotten to her. It certainly would have given her hope.

#2 may have been a lie at that moment but it is not a lie in reality because, if you did not believe it deep down, you would be trying to R to begin with. You have to sometimes rely on facts rather than feelings. The fact that you are even in church with WW means it is true.

So yes I would have gone for #2. I would have "lied". Deep down in my heart, I know it isn't a lie even though it feels like it.

As hard as it is for you to want WW back after the betrayal, it is equally as hard, if not harder, for WW to want to come back to you. She has to forgive herself and that is very hard to do. Many people can't. If she is constantly reminded how much she has hurt another human being, she might never be able to forgive herself and the two of you have no chance.

Thanks....I just learned something.

BTW, don't take this wrong but I have to seriously question your judgment and I just cannot hold this in any longer. I personally think you made a serious mistake and I just have to ask you what in the world you were thinking.

An 883? What is wrong with you? If WW is short, why didn't you get her a low rider? You can even get lowering kits for those. Or Fatboys ride low and you can get lowering kits for those if Softails are your thing but an 883? Talk about disrespectful! I know a lot of women who ride Fatboys.

If you are British then never mind the comment. That would explain everything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />