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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975 |
Hi Guys,
Lost the first version of this thread. Darn....FWH and I are doing much better these days and I feel that we have reached a point where we both need to take a further step toward closure.
I would like to offer FWH the opportunity to sign a good, solid post nup agreement as a committment to remaining faithful both emotionally and physically until death......Of course I am willing to sign the same agreement.
I will be very surprised if he doesn't immediately agree and if he doesn't then I have clearly misread where we are in recovery. I am at a point where I want to put some closure on the past and move forward one way or the other...either together or separately.
Do any of you good folks have an example of an agreement that they are willing to share with me?
Who
I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03
Recovered
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Posts: 10,060 |
I've never seen one, but I think it's a terrific idea.
You'll probably have to consult a local attorney. Try Googling it. I bet the same logic and even appropriate language can be found in pre-nup agreements.
You understand, right, that such a thing can only provide civil justice and thus serves no more than what a formal business contract might serve?
Please consider sharing here what you find out.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975 |
Worthatry,
I understand that this is merely asking my FWH to put his financial security on the table and protect my own. I have always been the primary income earner and right now am the only one with a job.
I figure that getting my heart broken by FWH again by a future new act of infidelity would be bad enough emotionally but worse if he decided to ask for equal distribution of all of the assets that I alone have worked so hard to acquire both before we ever met and during our marriage.
I will do some research on formats etc, but would still appreciate hearing from anyone here on MB who has actually done one.
Thanks,
Who
I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03
Recovered
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 218
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 218 |
I have never heard of a post nup but am thinking:
If any of the parties ever has EA or PA with anyone other than their spouse. The party which was wronged get the house the kids the cars the bank accounts and the party who did wrong gets a cardboard box and a toothbrush.
But thats just a rough draft. Seriously though I am interested in this. Is there such a thing? Are you thinking of it being a legal document or an agreement between you two? I think it would go a long way to repairing things in my head and would just make me feel like he was taking it seriously!
HF
BS 39
FWH 39
M almost 14 years
DS 11 DS 8 DD 4 DD 4
PA 1/02-7/02
dday 12-15-05
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
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I have looked at post nups and kinda drafted something up so I would have the option of dropping my divorce.
My attorney said that the main thing is being able to prove the agreement was not signed under duress. In Tennessee, I read that it is also important that both parties are giving something in the agreement. Both of you agreeing to be faithful sounds like it should cover that aspect.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 270
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Posts: 270 |
I looked at this once. Just want to note that the requirements for such an agreement to be enforceable depend on each state. In some states, if the penalty is too extreme the whole thing will be thrown out. (Of course, I mean extreme from the state's point of view, not the BS point of view. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )
Also, the tricky issue in my situation was the level of proof required. Your state probably has standards for proving an A when it comes to divorce, but those standards may not be ok for you. For example, does your state define an A to includes EAs? If not, you could add this to the agreement.
Nev
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
whome,
As per my sig line you can see that I am a HUGE advocate of a post nup as ONE step in the repair process. In my case I also asked for an STD panel, her passing a polygraph exam and transparency as described by MB principles.
I could not envision a truly repentant and willing WS that would not rush to sign a post nup. The only reason would be that the WS sees an A as the hammer for their anger. Anger and hostility is rarely discussed here as an etiologic factor in the WS's thought process. It needs to be addressed in a more comprehensive manner.
Best of luck
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 270
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Cymanca - I think you hit a key point regarding WS using an A as a tool of anger/hostility towards the BS and I'd like to hear more. I see shadows of that in the stories here, but it's never really discussed except in response to shifting blame/guilt or exposure. Would you start another thread on this?
Nev
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
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neverthesame,
I will try to do it tomorrow. I have a mandatory pretrial settlement conference with the judge today.
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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