Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1644277 04/27/06 03:27 PM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
We've been going through parental evaluation for a month now 4 months after she filed for D. On my way to my first appointment the the shrink I asked her for the reason that we were going through the eval. I said that we agreed at mediation back in 12/05 that we were going to split the kids 50/50. I'm sure she realizes that the kids need both of us. Anyway, she said that she was going to tell her attorney that she wanted to withdraw the motion from the court. That was 2 weeks before I found out on 4/14 (Good Friday), from my attorney, that she was pregnant. My jaw literally dropped to the ground. He asked me if there was any chance that it was mine. After counting back to myself in my head I said no. It wasn't until 3-4 hours later I remembered that I got snipped after my son was born (almost 3 years ago).

Yesterday I finally got a call from my attorney. He told me her proposed schedule and it wasn't even close to the 50/50 we arranged. It was more like 75/25. I told him no way and if I had a say that it would be the opposite. I keep looking for reasons and can come up with only 2. First, she is using the kids to fulfill her own regrets and loneliness or second, she is looking to get more child support so she can quite work because she can't stand the gossip at work. Either way, the kids are going to suffer. The thing that I'm most afraid of is the negative influence she is having on the kid's perception not only on relationships but also the fabricated truths she has told everyone including our daycare provider, the kids counselor, her family, and who knows who else, maybe even the kids.

My question is: Will her pregnancy have any bearing with the parenting evaluation and more importantly the court in determining parenting time?

Help


Me-BH, 41
Her-WW, 34 PA 2001, EA 2005
Kids-D8, D6,and S3
WW filed for D 9/2005
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
Duuuuuuude...

Maybe the angle that as a very pregnant woman, or as a brand new mom, she'd have difficulty giving the other kids the attention and parenting they deserve? I mean, new babies take a lot of work and you lose a lot of sleep...especially if she's doing it all herself.

If you can work that angle you might be able to make 75/25 (in your favor) be the initial split. Then you would have inertia on your side because she'd have to fight to change it.

But then I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV.

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
The kicker is that she is "planning" on marrying the guy who knocked her up. My limited experience is that rebound relationships don't work especially to someone who is 17 years older than her. The main reason she is divorcing me is because I couldn't "be there" for her and that I couldn't "live for the moment". Sorry, but I was too caught up in raising a family. If I were only thinking about myself I would have left her after I found out about the A and not drag it out so long. It was her choice to get the D and there was nothing I could say to change her mind. Sad thing is that she couldn't even enjoy the "freedom" to be single that she wanted so bad because she made another bad choice.


Me-BH, 41
Her-WW, 34 PA 2001, EA 2005
Kids-D8, D6,and S3
WW filed for D 9/2005
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
Oh, for sure, you want a paternity test!

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 998
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 998
I'm sorry. My husband went through this with his exwife. She was pregnant by OM before their divorce was final. She didn't have to appear at the divorce hearing though so I don't believe the judge ever knew she was pregnant- or if he did I wasn't told about it.

In some states you have to answer that you're not pregnant or certify that you're not. I had to when I got divorced. I would agree you need a paternity test so that she can't pin the support of this child on you at a later date.

She wants to get this over with quickly so she can marry OM. I bet if you push for 50/50 you'll be able to get it.

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
Good advice. I'll bring it up to my attorney.


Me-BH, 41
Her-WW, 34 PA 2001, EA 2005
Kids-D8, D6,and S3
WW filed for D 9/2005
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717
Quote
It wasn't until 3-4 hours later I remembered that I got snipped after my son was born (almost 3 years ago).

How the heck could you ever forget something like that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I agree that you should find out definitively whether the child is yours. "Snipping" is not 100% effective by any means.

I'm not sure what your parental evaluation all entails but, I don't think it should tip the scale in favor of one parent or the other unless there are some major issues involved.

If one parent wants the other to have less than 50/50 they are going to have to convince the court that they are justified in their reasoning. That means proving that you are incapable of managing 50/50 or that you are a life/safety risk in some way, shape or form to your child(ren).


ba109
ba109 #1644284 05/01/06 11:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 543
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 543
Please do clear up this situation soon. If you're still married you can be considered the legal father of this child.

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 675
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 675
[color:"purple"]Heartmending is right - as the legal husband you could be assumed to be the father.

You could have your lawyer file a petition preventing her from putting your name on the birth certificate until a paternity test is performed.

Your custody situation can go many different ways depending upon the judge and the state.

See - the judge may think that a woman that doesn't work can devote more time to the children.

Where are the children now? Do one of you have them most of the time now? Or are you still in the marital home?

V. [/color]


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 682 guests, and 73 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
ameliamartin, Nicholas Jason, daisyden878, Oren Velasquez, Kerniol
71,999 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Annulment reconsideration help
by Oren Velasquez - 06/16/25 08:26 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,508
Members72,000
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0