You won't believe what happened this evening..... This is going to be long, but read on:

STBX came to get DD and talk about the house. He offered me a very generous offer with selling the house where I'll end up with more profit than him. So I brought up a custody issue I had been concerned about. He said that was fine, it was what he intended anyway. I also said I didn't want OW around DD. Ever. He said he couldn't promise that. I explained how any child expert will say it's unhealthy to have your child around OP. And THEN it happened... he actually admitted it!

SM: I know in my heart what is going on, and so do you.
STBX: Yeah.
SM: I had enough evidence to run you through the wringer in court, but I didn't want to go that route b/c of DD. OW's Xh has been calling me, telling me what you're doing, the nasty things you and OW say about me.
STBX: (looks down)
SM: Can you imagine what I've been living with for the past 6 months, me here with our DD knowing you're out galavanting with OW?
STBX: (very quiet) No.
SM: It has been very painful. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. I hope it never happens to you, b/c it's the worst thing ever. And the fact that you have been nasty to me... the things you said right after you left, "If that's the best you have to offer, I feel sorry for you!?"
STBX: (quietly) I'm really sorry things didn't work out.
SM: Well, I am, too. How long has it been going on?
STBX: (very quietly) Late September.
SM: You can't tell me you weren't planning this before you left.
STBX: I know the timing looks bad, but I really wasn't. It just happened.
SM: STBX, You and I both know you've had a thing for her for a long time. (He just looked down) I am disgusted. This (gesturing to me, him, and DD in the other room) is right. It's good and true. That (going to OW) is gross. It is absolutely disgusting. I don't want to talk about it anymore with DD here.

So then he left with her, and he'll be back in about 45 minutes. I don't know what'll happen when he comes back and DD's in bed. He's going to install a ceiling fan in one of the bedrooms tonight. I guess if it comes up, I'll say that I said what I said b/c I needed closure, and now that it's out there, I'm done with it. Grr. I probably should have waited until we are officially divorced before I said it, but we have signed off on stuff, and I can't see how he would benefit in anyway from deciding to disagree now.

Maybe it was against MB principals, but I got it off my chest. No crying, no yelling, no emotion. I just laid it out there and watched him squirm. I was in desperate need of closure., for him to admit it. Now I feel like I can move on.

You may have gotten just a teeny glimpse of your H, as WS's are not known for their ability to feel remorse, or admit to anything.

Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but for myself I think that was a positive conversation.

So after DD went to bed, I told him that I wasn't trying to be nasty, that I said what I said b/c I needed closure and I deserved the truth. He said he understood.

So I'm done talking about it with him.... time to move on.

Good job. I did something similar, except I wasn't so nice. WH started protesting that he wasn't living with the OW, and I just laughed at him. I told him we both knew the truth, let's just not discuss it anymore, the lies were getting boring.

For me it felt good. I know it was an LB but I was done with trying to save anything by then.

Glad you got some closure.

SM--my Wh tells me things as I think he can handle it himself--because everytime he tell me sometihng, he has to go on living knowing I know what he has done--and you and I are in the same boat when it comes to WH's and where our futures are going.

Sometimes, though, I think he tells me things only to hurt me. it's a mix.

But I don't think you did anything wrong by having that conversation with him. You needed him to admit it. I wouldn't be surprised though, if he admits to more and more later on--even after the D goes through. That would be part of the repentant heart you want for your dd's sake.

And you were not being nasty. I have finally realized that it's okay to let him know he hurt me--and the kids. He doesn't need protection from his actions--he needs to face them. And one day he will.

You said it, intexas.

I also think it was a positive conversation. I am glad that WH 'came clean' a little bit for you. For me, WH denying the PA was so frustrating, it went on so long it became a sick joke.

I think it is good that WH saw you being calm and collected.

Thank you, Jean.

Wow, it's been such an eventful week. The mediation. Meeting with two different realtors a total of three times about the house. I've been calling mortgage lenders to get prequalified for something else. Took DD to the doc for a check-up this morning.

And to top it all off, I get an email this afternoon, a follow-up from a job interview I had last week, wanting another reference. I had given them the names of a couple folks who aren't with my office but know my work... they wanted a supervisor, too. So I had to buck up and tell someone I'm looking for something else, my old supervisor. I'll know Monday or Tuesday... This would be an awesome fun, challenging job and at least a 20% raise. I feel pretty good about my chances, but I feel so guilty about thinking about leaving my job. I like the people I work with, and I like the work. But it's a government job and doesn't pay much. I've got to do what's best for DD.

Looks like EVERYTHING in my life could be changing in a very short period of time...

Felt really good going to church yesterday. Even though things haven't turned out so far the way I wanted them to, at least I have some sense of resolution and closure. I feel like God has answered my prayers all along, even if He hasn't given me the easy answers I wanted. I guess it was just a realization that hit me Sunday. Felt very peaceful.

And yet, I'm still feeling pretty sad, and also anxious for things to get moving. I am so ready to just move on and start a new life, leaving the chaos of STBX and OW behind me. I'm starting to get excited thinking about househunting and having my very own place, without STBX complaining about the decor.

Question... how do you know when you're done with IC? Last week, my counselor said it was up to me. Sometimes I think I'm done, but then something else will happen, or a thought will strike, and I will really think I need to continue with IC. Any advice on this matter would definitely be appreciated. Right now, I'm trying to come to terms with the thought of STBX exposing our DD to OW. I definitely have a BIG problem with OW playing mommy to our sweet little girl. Anyone who can call me "the world's biggest c" has no place around our daughter, dontcha think? My lawyer said the best we can do is prevent overnight visits, which doesn't mean much for now, since it'll be a while before that starts anyway. I guess all I can do is pray the relationship is busted up before DD's b-day?? HELP... I want to protect DD from the negative energy surrounding OW.