I'm going to expose to OWH as soon as I can.

He supposedly travels alot and I don't know when he will be around.

I have to do it in a letter though. I will send it so he will need to sign for it. I know I will get too nervous face to face or on the phone. That is the only way I will do it.

I plan on sending him copies of the cell phone records. But what do I write in the letter?

Also, do I expose to my H's work? 90% of the calls were made while he was at work. It would probably get him in trouble and we can't afford for him to be fired. We are in huge debt.

The OW is from his second job. He sees her only once or twice a week. Do I expose at that job too? What do I say there? I don't think anything really happened while they were working.

Catgirl, I think you are going to be very shocked when you discover the extent of your H's deception. From everything you have described so far, this has all the hallmarks of a long standing PA. Believe me, as an FWW, I know how sneaky it can all get and how well hidden it can all be.

Don't expose at his work. Expose to the OW's H.

O.K. How do I do it? What do I write in the letter?...

Dear Mr.*,
My name is Mrs.* and your W and my H are having an affair?

NO

Do it face to face or preferably on the phone. Call him. Don't send him a letter. Hopefully he can be your ally in ending the affair.

I can't call or do it in person. I will be too nervous. I just can't bring myself to do that. I am a wreck now, on medication, nad that would put me over the edge. I write much better and that is the only way I will do it.

My H called the OM's W. We knew them both many, many years ago so that probably made it easier. He also knew for sure that an 18 month PA had occurred.

I think you should say

Dear Mr...

My H and your W appear to have a very close relationship (enclose cell phone records)which concerns me as I believe they could be having an affair. I hope I am wrong.

I am not sure if you are aware of their closeness and hoped you would be able to put my mind at rest.

If you want to talk about this, please call me on *** or e-mail me on *****.


That's what I'd do but I'm sure other people will have other ideas.

Wow that sounds great. Short and sweet.


May I copy that?

Of course you can. I wrote it for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks!!!
This is tough for me. I guess my head is still in the sand not wanting to believe it's really true.

I know it's tough.

Just be prepared for what you may find out and stick around here - there will be lots of support.

catgirl, where can you send the letter so the OW wouldn't intercept it? If you send it to her house, she is likely to get it and that would be a DISASTER.

Hey Catgirl.
I just read all your threads, and wanted to also encourage you to expose. I was a hard-head at first. Sounded just like you. My WH even moved out like yours did to "take it week by week."

I was afraid that I was wrong that it was an affair--that maybe they just really were friends. Puh-lease. If this was reversed--would you move out to have space--leave your kids, etc. You can't view it the best right now because you are in the biginning of this. But I PROMISE you the road ahead will go much better the sooner you expose.

Sure to heck he will not be happy with you. But even (and I know this is a hugggggge stretch) you were wrong about everything (which you're not), then it's not like that should be a deal breaker either.

I also think in person or phone is best. That way you can both talk--because he may know things, too.

i would also put a keylogger on your computer before you expose, that way you can see of they talk to each other about what happened, etc.

One more thing--remember you'll be okay either way. Stop being fearful of his actions. You're doing good.

intexas

I only have her home address. Have no idea where OWH works. I was planning on sending it ceritfied mail or registered mail. Which ever absolutely requires that the addressee ONLY sign for it. So she wouldn't be able to get it.

As I said I just can't do it in person. Guess I have a phobia or something. I would offer OWH my phone etc. to call and perhaps meet somewhere after the exposure happens. I don't have a problem talking after, just doing it in person initially, I'm too nervous.

I can't put any keylogger stuff on. He's not living here anymore so he doesn't use my computer.

I tried putting a voice recorder in his car. Never worked. Couldn't pick up anything but the engine sound. Can't do that anymore, as I said he's in his own place now.

catgir, i wouldn't expose to him that way. I sign for certified and registered mail for my H all the time, and he does for me. If she doesn't intercept it, she will know its coming and pre-empt you by spinning the story to her H. The story will be spun with you starring as the jealous nut. So when you do actually get in touch with the OWH, all of your credibility is ruined and he doesn't believe a word you say.

I agree with Mel - registered mail is no guarantee against interception.

If you have their address, you know where they live. An option is to write the letter and deliver it by hand. Put it in his hand.

WAT