So I've made up my mind to expose the A to OMW. Now that I have done that I have tremendous stress to get it over with. I have driven by their house several times and she hasn't been there without OM. They don't answer the phone when I call with a blocked number and I don't want to tip him off by calling with an unblocked number.

I was thinking of just going there with a friend as a witness while they are both home. Is that totally crazy? I doubt he even knows me by sight, unless he has seen pictures at my house (yes, she brought him into my home). I just need to get out about 3 sentences to her before he kicks me out.

I know nothing about OMW except her name, age, and address and I really don't know how to get anything more. We have no mutual friends except my wife's work friends, and they would surely tip off OM or my W if I ask them anything.

As long as you can go there without assaulting him, I would say it is a good plan. Others have done this with success. I like the idea of bringing a friend with you.

I've had enough time to think about this that I will not assault him. I am doing this to save my marriage, not get revenge. But I worry that he will be scared and close the door before I get to say my piece. And probably call the cops. I was thinking of drafting a letter to OMW and attempting to get it into her hands before he figures out what's happening.

One other thing, they live on a cul-de-sac and my drive-bys will surely attract attention very soon.

Good idea, Mr_c. However, I think he would have a hard time explaining why he was calling the cops on you. He would then have to explain your presence to his W and the cops. the neighbors would also be curious. That would backfire on him.

What about calling his house from some friend's # and just asking for OMW? Do you think they would answer the phone?

I was BW and one Monday morning my doorbell rang and OWH was standing there with OW and made her confess to me on my doorstep what she was doing with my H.

Whether I liked this exposure technique as a BW is neither here nor there. The A was exposed....we addressed it with major hard work and are happily recovered 3 years later. Incidentally, I believe the OW and her H divorced...I talked to her BH a couple times after d-day and they imo were doing nothing to recover, just trying to "move on" and act like it did not happen. Within 4 months they were planning divorce. They had exposed it to noone else, were not in counseling, were not talking about it, etc.

Recovery is hard work people! You get out of it what you TOGETHER put into it. But ultimately there needs to be some sembelance of a plan and goal you are working towards.

So if it takes walking up to her door and ringing the bell to expose...do it. She needs to know and this will help to start the process of moving forward towards recovery for both marriages, if that is the plan and goal chosen.

Blessings
Glad