I just exposed my Wife's A to OMW. He was home too and just stood there watching me have my say to OMW. What a [censored]. He was so ugly that right now I am not sure I even want to save my marriage after knowing my wife was with him but maybe I'll calm down and feel differently. He didn't deny the affair and he told me how I don't know my W's side of the story, how I am a horrible husband and all that. He said this with his wife right there!

It's crazy talk, I never cheated, beat her, or was mean to her. Everyone who knows me says I am a great Daddy and Husband. Sure, I could have done some things better but W never, ever said she was unhappy to me.

It hurts me to hear she was saying bad stuff about me, but I guess that's what WWs do.

OMW was stable, in control, told me how sorry she was that it had happened to me. Said she did not know what she was going to do. She had no idea this was going on. Thanked me for coming.

Thank you all on this board. I am a new man! I am so happy I did this regardless of the outcome. Next step is to get one of them to change jobs. And call the Harley's if W agrees.

Mr c,
Welcolm to MB forum.
I am soo sorry that you found a need to be here, but under the circumstances, it's the best place you could be.
It seem's you have been doing some reading here in that you exposed your WW's affair right away to OMW. OK, good for you.
Understand though, there is a whole lot more to Plan a than just exposure. What are you doing to attract your WW back into the marriage? The exposure will only anger her and convince her she is right about you, and no longer loves you. You need to follow this up with making her see the best possible person for her to remain with, in spite of exposure.
Could you possibly give us a few more details of what has transpired, for everyone here is probably at a complete loss, as am I.
How long married?
Who is OM?
Is he a co worker or friend?
Do you have any Children?
Just a little background would help immensencely.
Step back and take several deep breaths.
All Blessings,
Jerry

Good job! You can feel great about doing the thing that has the best chance of breaking up the affair and saving your marriage. Also it must feel good to have done it with the OM right there!!!!!

It is sad how the WS rewrites history and always makes the BS out to be the bad guy, but that is what they do to justify their betrayal.

Watch out now, your wife may be very angry, saying that this is the final straw, it was none of your business, you are crazy, she was going to work on the marriage, but now wants a divorce, you went about this the wrong way, and (my personal favorite) she will never trust you again.

She will also want to know the OM's reaction. I think I would write the things down and list them for her. She will know that you know all of the bad stuff she said about you, and that may make her even angrier.

Here's the link to my story. I posted in the wrong spot.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...p;vc=1&nt=3

I waited 9 months to expose for all the reasons. Not sure what to do next. I need to insist on NC. That was my initial response 9 months ago and she agreed but I waffled on it. It was complicated by new baby and maternity leave. I should never have let her go back. I said I would divorce her if she did and she went back anyway. She promised to keep it professional so I eventually agreed like a bonehead.

Mr. C...

YOU DID GREAT!!! I'm proud of you! Keep us posted and we'll help you in your journey...

Mrs. W

Mr.C, good job on exposure. But it is never too late to correct the mistake of continuing contact. I would ask her to send a no contact letter and leave her job. She must be made to understand that your marriage can NEVER recover until all contact has ended.

Hopefully you understand now that contact is contact, whether you call it "professional" or call it a baloney sandwich. Contact is contact, and any at all absolutely prevents recovery.

You can counsel with Harley by yourself if your W won't agree now. He will tell you how to bring her in.

GOOD JOB!

God Bless you for telling that woman, MrC. You did a good thing tonight for her, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

p.s. when your wife finds out you have exposed her, she is likely to be quite angry that you interfered with her affair. Don't let her ANGER upset or distract you. Don't fight with her or allow her to bait you into a fight; don't try to reason with her.

Simply tell her you did this to save your marriage and that the OMW had a right to know about the affair.

And most of all, don't let her anger upset you. It will blow over.

Hmm. Too late Melody. She was absolutely furious with me. I've never seen her so angry. I couldn't help but laugh at her. Had a bit of a fight about it because I had to tell her stupid she was being and how messed up her priorities were. But I did tell her why I did it.

I also told her that NC was the next step if she wants to work on the marriage. She just stood there shaking. I don't know what she'll do next. She went up to bed for now. I'm convinced there was more than professional contact going on now.

She said she never said anything bad about me to OM and she has no idea why he said I was a bad husband. She said she never realized she was unhappy until the affair started, which has been her stance to me all along. OM looked at me like I was a piece of dirt. I guess he needed to make me a demon to justify his actions. I can't believe that instead of denying the A or apologizing to his W, he started saying how rough things were for my W. These people are amazing.

Well, her reaction was to be expected. Now you need to relax and lay low. You can be sure that the OM's life isn't all peaches and cream right now.

They usually are extremely angry, but tend to get over it quickly.

How are you feeling about things?

Thanks for asking. Seeing him made me so angry and it made me think about the physical aspect of the affair and that really hurts. Right now I don't actually want to work on the marriage, and it's the first time I've felt this way since d-day. I've consistently been the one saying we can get past this. I have some very bad feelings to get past at the moment.

I am also really wired and I'm on a huge high. I feel better than I have in 9 months. I feel good that I told her, she deserved to know. I feel good that I took some action, things were just languishing on and this will force her hand one way or another. I really don't care which way at the moment.

You don't care right now, but that can change.

You did the right and honorable thing. I think that took a lot of guts to expose right in front of him. He is probably more shocked than anything else. Also the fact that he admitted the affair in front of his wife is good. Now she can make informed choices about her marriage.

Hopefully all of this will shake him up, and the affair will end. We'll have to wait and see. But at any rate, the affair will never be the same again.

It always feels good to do the right thing Mr. C, and make no mistake about it, you did the right and just thing...You also took back control of your life by doing this...You have impressed me to no end...Telling the OMW if she was by herself would have taken guts, but to do it right in front of OM? That my friend takes some serious cajones..."YOU DA MAN"!!! You also took steps towards saving your WW from herself, she won't see that now, but I pray that one day she will see you as a hero...Because a hero you are...OWN THAT MR. C!!! You deserve it!!!

Mrs. W

Mr. C! You are one admirable dude!! I echo everyone here when I say how proud I am of you.

How did things go this morning?

Yes, how are things this morning? It might be a rocky weekend.

This is extremely common, especially with wayward wives. They demonize their husbands to the OM in order to pander sympathy. Oddly, they usually believe it. It's very common for them to even claim that they are "abused."

I guess the weird logic goes something like this: my H abuses me, therefore I am entitled [read: justified] to have an affair. I know it sounds so profoundly stupid that it makes one wonder how anyone could fall for it, but many do. We aren't always dealing with the brightest bulbs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What's weird is that she flatly denies demonizing me. More lies I guess.

Last night when I told W that OMW needed to know, that she deserved to know, W agreed with me and said she knew that. She understood. But she was crying too hard to say anything else.

She slept in the guest room last night. She is still really angry with me, but she was civil when we talked about kids today. She has left them with me to go run some errands and have some time alone. I'm sure she is dying to talk to OM too, but she'll probably have to wait until Monday as I'm sure he's quite busy.

Can you track her cell phone calls online? I would wager she is trying to call the OM as we speak.

Have you discussed her leaving the job? I would press on and see if you can get to quit on Monday. If she won't quit, Mr_C, you may be forced to expose her at Human Resources.

I can't track her calls. She never opened that up to although she said she would.

I will try to get her to quit but I know she won't.

Mr.C, can't you go online and track them yourself?

What is your next step if she wont' quit?