I saw a reference to the "Falling in love with love" syndrome from one of the posters and Holly wanted some insight. So I saw a need to kill two birds with one stone. Join the forum and probably get beat up pretty bad, and give some insight as to what Falling in love with love is all about. Actually it is better phrased "Loving to be "In" Love". It's not love you love it is the state of thinking that you are "In" love that turns you on. <P>How do I know this? Well, I have been married (and in "My" opinion, happily) for over 40 years. During that time I have had a dozen or more affairs and at least a dozen "minor" relationships. In our first ten years opf marriage my wife had a number of affairs and so did I. But more of that later.<P>I had my first affair about two months after I got married and it lasted nearly two years. I quit when my first child was born. About a year after that I had another affair and that one lasted a year and so on. I continued that way off and on for nearly 38 years and I had one affair that lasted well over 12 years. My wife began having her flings, in retaliation I suppose, but they were purely sexual and the were many and quite short. She finally quit altogther after about ten years. My affairs have always been from the "heart". Purely emotional "love" affairs, which ultimately led to sexual encounters. However, I could never and still can't loose sight of the one true love in my life. So, time and time again I strayed and just like the proverbial tomcat, I always found my way back home. Love is great and there is no greater feeling than being "In" love. Everything looks so wonderful. The past is forgotten, the future looks bright. You seem to feel and act so young and carefree. Lying to the wife, kids, friends, and neighbors becomes easy. You really become good at leading a double and even triple life. I once had sex with my wife and her two sisters in the same week and none of them ever found out about the other. Still don't know. I can't remember a friend that my wife had that I didn't have also. It was just so easy to fall in love and it was even easier to find women who needed to fall in love. Don't get me wrong, I never disrespected any one of the ladies that graced me with their company. I never made an enemy of any of them and to this day most of them are still very much my friends. <P>What happened? Someone asked "If everything was ok, then why did the affairs end"? Well, it's like Peggy Lee once sang "Is that all there is"? At first, I met all of these ladies emotional needs. Their husbands were too blind or engrossed in making money or play around themselves. I made these ladies "Feel" like real women. They wanted to be sexy they begged for the chance to free themselves of their inhibitions and I was the fortunate person in the "right" place at the "right" time. And even if I wasn't, I made it the "right" time. <P>The problem was that after a while we all noticed that being "in" love doesn't last. I'll admit that it lasts a lot longer in an affair than in the marriage. Why? because in the affair you don't have the hassles that you find in the marriage. Usually no kids, no money worries, no intimate and private conversations about your career concerns. Basically, you're just there to make the other person happy. You outdo each other with little kisses, gifts, flowers, and the continual sense of anticipation of those wonderful and uninhibited sexual encounters. <P>My, who could resist? Certainly not I. And neither could most women I know. Everyone wants to be loved and hugged and kissed and cuddled and after a while if the spouses aren't up to it. Too much work, laundry, kids, etc.. Someone else is always there with a lot of time on their hands just waiting to take over. <P>But wait a minute, what about the lovers? Don't they have families that take up their time too? Hmmm! Interesting.... Not enough time to be loving and caring to the wife, (hard day at the office) Not enough time to be sensual and attentive to the hubby (too much laundry, dishes, kids, and of course career, etc..) Yet, when the guy across the street or across the hall or in the other cube, says "Hi", Bingo you're in love. When the gal comes up and tells you how miserable her marriage is, you're right there to lend a helping hand and soon you become her support system and next thing you know you fill her nights with ectasy. I can hear Julio and Willie singing " Too all the girls I've loved before" ... It's true, Love IS the greatest feeling in the world. Now why is it that you can't keep that flame burning as brightly after 10, 20, 30 or even 40 years. Goodness, it was a blast furnace when you started.<P>Anyway, I digress..... My wife stopped her fooling around years ago (close to 30 years ago) why? Because believe it or not I started loving her all over again. Even with all the "others" I was very much "In" love with my wife. She never found out about most of my "other" friends. Then a silly thing happened and my life changed and now I am here looking for support.<P>About two years ago I came to the realization that all of my actions were way out of line and so I was determined to quit all "others" and concentrate on my wife. After all we ain;t spring chickens any more, you know. So I concentrated on little cards and flowers and dinners and all sorts of nice things for momma. Then it happened. One of her long time close friends, with whom I had never even thought of thinking about, if you know what I mean, all of a sudden she develops this need and she asks me for help. Seems she's contracted a muscular disease and her husband is not being very understanding. Well, if anyone knows me, they know I am about the most understanding guy around. So I give her moral support and I take her to the doctor and I call her to find out if she needs anything, etc. All of this above board and with my wife's full knowledge and consent. The one day this friend tells me she "loves" me, So I said, like I say to just about everyone, I love you too. But she says, "No, I mean I really love you" and I said "No, you don't really mean it". Anyway, she leaves a message on the answering machine while my wife was out of town and I was all alone at home. I don't see the blinking light, momma comes home pushes button and hears her very close friend telling me how much she loves me and all she is ready to give and give up for just a chance to be with me, etc... In an instant I get what I somehow had managed to avoid for nearly forty years. I get the wrath of a woman scorned (or so she believes). She turns ice cold in all aspects and we almost end up in divorce. Imagine, the one time I don't take advantage of the situation and it is almost my downfall. <P>So for the next two years I get the cold shoulder. I still try to keep to the straight and narrow and all seems to be working well until just recently when my frustration, sexual and otherwise is at a peak and I get into this Cyber relationship with this woman clear across the country. Before you know it she is telling me all and I am corresponding on an almost daily basis. That was a few months ago. Now it has esclated to the telephone. With telephone sex and all. I almost feel like sending her $3.95 a minute. Goodness knows she's earned it. And now she wants to meet me in person and she is becoming more instant with each passing day. She wants to come to my town if I don't go to hers. I've told her that this has been a really big mistake but she's not buying it. <P>I've been studying everythiong in the Marriage Builders site and I want to sit down with momma and make a clean break of it all. But I know she's just not going to be the understanding women I really need right now. I don't know how much I should tell her. There is so so much. It might overwhelm her and besides how can she ever beleive that I really do "love" her? How will she be able to trust me again? What do I say and how do I say it? As I said before, I've been around for some time now and I don't want to spend my waning years in the doghouse, much less all alone. Not that some of you wouldn't say it serves me right. After all, I have been somewhat less than a saint. But I can honestly say that not one, not a single one, of my previous companions ever felt animosity towards me and none of them would ever do anything to hurt me. So I must have done something right.<P>I have read a lot of stuff in this forum and I know that among all of you there must be some bit of information which will help me. I don't expect to 'get out of it' I just would like to get some idea of how to 'cope' with what I am about to face. I know that what I have done is my responsibility and therefore I am liable for all of the consequences. It's just that all of this has come about by such a strange and peculiar route that it has me confounded and confused.<P>Sorry for such a long post, but 40 years is a long time.<P>Endless<P>------------------<BR>Endless
