Well, here's what I'm thinking: If neither of them will quit I will refuse to work on the marriage and start working on a separation agreement. We have a 3 year old and a 7 month old so I don't want to separate without something formal in writing that addresses custody.

I'll negotiate and compromise almost anything except the no contact agreement. You're right, that needs to happen. I tried going without that and I was miserable and we made very little progress, although at various points she professed to having no contact.

I spoke to her parents today and told them what I did as well. They were shocked to hear her relationship called an affair (I think they thought she was just feeling attracted to someone else). They were disappointed to hear it was ongoing. I don't know that she'll ever forgive me for telling them when she finds out.

Mr_C, her chances of forgiving you for revealing her affair are much greater than the chances of your marriage surviving if you didn't expose this affair and bust it up.

When she comes out of the fog, she will understand that what a shame it is that you were put in this position in the first place. You are never obligated to help her hide her sleazy affair, but she is obligated to be faithful to you.

I am relieved to see that you understand fully that contact has to end or this is hopeless.

Are her parents going to have a chat with her?

I'm sure she will go to them for comfort at some point this weekend and she will get quite a shock when she does.

How does my plan sound?

Your plan is perfect. I hope it never comes to a seperation but if you have to get seperation papers to effect no contact, then it is well worth it. There is no hope otherwise. Just avoid lovebusters and do your best to not get baited into fights. She will try to bait you into a fight so she can use your anger as ammunition against you.

Mr C, you got sand. br'a.

You became a knight, not a serf. Proud of you mate. Its an elite club, the brazen exposers...

It will get snotty now with your W as fear and her screaming conscience can no longer be drowned out by hopes of secrecy and entitled fog speak.

be strong.

Proud of ya !

Good on ya, Mate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You may or may not think it's humerous at the time, but when she comes to deliver the, "You tattled on me to my mommy?!" speech, try not to think of 1st grade. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mr_C - Good job. I just exposed to OMW myself 2 weeks ago. Told my W about 5 days after that. She wasn't too mad at first, but she got there and she's still there. I guess she'll get over it. Like you, I don't give a rat's [censored]. That will probably change, so I am trying not to LB too much - but I am not real successful in that regard.

I only wish OM had been there when I told OMW. I love your story and especially your description of the OM in your first post on this thread.

I know how you feel too about finally doing something, on a high etc. - I still feel that way and it's been 2 weeks -

Good luck.

Well, it's been 4 days and wife is still ice cold to me. She hasn't talked about how it's going for OM and OMW since the exposure. I am sure she has talked extensively to him at work about it. Dare I ask? Or just lay low and try not to make her any more angry?

I don't know what to tell you about asking her - but I will tell you that my W is still mad at me and it's been 10 days now. Took her 3 days to get mad and she's still mad.

That's one thing that I don't really care that she is mad at me for.

I do wonder if she has talked to OM since I told OMW - she says she hasn't, but I don't see how she could stand it not knowing what OMW told him.

C-man,

Very gutsy!! How did you stop from jumping across the room and decking the low-life!!

Your wife was "so mistreated" that the pond scum had to make it all better...and he said this in front of his wife!!! My God what a loser.

""Well, it's been 4 days and wife is still ice cold to me.""

Are you doing a strong Plan A? Not gloating and strutting around the house (like I would do) are you?

The idea is to make the home her safe haven now, correct?

Good job! Every BS's fantasy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

k

krusht - I am glad I saw this - I may be doing this and I guess I need to stop.

mr.c - he's right, every BS's fantasy - I think I would have had to have hit him too - I guess you never really know til you're there.

If it weren't for the custody issues that could potentially arise from an assault and battery charge I would have beat him silly. Even still I was awfully tempted; it was so hard to walk away. I had a friend there as a witness, and also to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

Mr_C, you still have a huge problem on your hand because they are still in contact. That means the affair is STILL ON. I would not only ask, but explain to her that the only solution to your marriage is for her leave the job.

If she won't leave the job, then I would strongly suggest you expose at work and to her family. Unless she leaves that job, recovery is impossible.