For all of those who are even thinking of starting an EA or are finding themselves at the beginning of an EA, stop it before it starts. It's just not worth it. Not worth the lives you may destroy who indirectly will be effected. Thinking it isn't physical it won't hurt anyone, your wrong. In the least you will hurt yourself. In the least it is the most hurtful of affairs you can be involved in for your emotions are so wrapped up in this that it is so hard to get out. Just leave it alone before it even begins.

I am now at that 3 week NC point, finally. Had to leave that job to do it but I am free!!! I'm free. Each day that now passes since the EA seems more and more of a lifetime away. There are occasions I think I may just run into OM and I will do all I can to avoid it for I don't want to see him!!!! I hate the thought of what has happened and hate the fact that I had a very weak moment in my life to allow it. I am over it, I am over the OM. I really am, you know what? It doesn't hurt at all and the hurt and depression I did feel for awhile did pass and when it did I was thinking what the heck were you thinking? The OM is a [censored], what did you see in him to begin with that you wanted to destroy your real life over. In fact he was taking advantage of me each and every way....twisted my mind, all for what? I honestly don't know what I thought would happen besides my life being completely destroyed beyond repair and taking my H and family down with me but am very greatful I didn't.
The hurt wasn't real hurt, it was self pity at a time I was so lost in that awful fog. I'm chalking it up to a midlife crisis and will not have another.

Again, if anyone here is just starting, STOP, it is not real. It is a true fantasy you want to live, keep it in your dreams with a faceless prince or princess. Better yet attach your spouse to that faceless face. Just don't go there, it is way too difficult to find your way out and so not worth it. OFF MY SOAP BOX NOW>

My H of 31yrs was in one he says it was`nt a PA but I doubt that. He was seeing OW for about 12 years behind my back. Someone he had a crush on since he was a child and met again later in life after she was divorced. He drank more, became violent I did`nt know what was going on. I had to press charges against him many times for which he went to jail and had domestic abuse classes. I stayed with him through all this. I mean I thought he may have been seeing someone all the signs were there. He lied to me about her for years,until I dug more and found out what I needed to know. The emotional attachment has to be like a drug,I really think if it was`nt for the fact how it would have looked like for him leaving his kids, one handicaped and her cuting it off H would have stayed with her I know. If someone thinks they can or will not get involved with a friend they are fooling themselves. emotions take over and in my H case I nearly got killed. I would see the hate in his eyes for me. I had always been the wife everyman wanted,did everything for him down to running his bath water ect. I stayed at home to raise my kids while he did as he pleased. So it was`nt that HIS EN were`nt being met he just could`nt get over the girl he had a cruch on. I have read many articles on people claiming to be JUST FRIENDS nope it aint happenin theres always more to that. Im glad you realized its not worth it.

Thank you for writing this. My H had an EA but he never acknowledged it for what it was. The OW and he are still in contact, as friends. She gradually replaced me in his life.

I filed for D and had him served last summer. He now has his own apartment and is paying the bills for both our households, mine and his. His savings are draining out of the bank accounts. I'm looking for work and getting my skills updated.

You did the right thing by quitting your job and getting away from the OM smfry. You won't regret it.

Oh, and the OW? She's still M, they are doing just fine. Her H always supported the "friendship" and far as I know still does.

Welcome back, Smfry. Good to see you. Did you and your husband ever find that MC and work through a resolution of his affair and your EA?

Yeah, EAs are rough. I am about 2years out from the discovery of an EA my wife was having. I don't think it progressed to a PA but I wonder. It certainly would have I am certain. It was only 7 weeks in duration but the contacts were getting more and more frequent. The last full day that she had to call him she dialed his 11 digit number 27 times while she was away from our house.

After initially being angry she became genuinely remorseful. And contact stopped afaik. It has been an emotional ride but we have done 'well' and have a 'good' but damaged relationship(for me) now. I am sure she is 'over it' but it is not so easy for me. I still think of the betrayal daily and especially if I get annoyed at her for some other routine marriage/family issue. I don't like having this resentment but it was dumped on me. I have less patience with her and get angrier than I should for any given minor disagreement or aggravation.

She never brings up the EA and I really haven't in a long time. I wish she would, but she would prefer to forget the whole affair and doesn't like to discuss it at all. I don't know why I want to talk about it anyway- she told me so many lies that I caught her in that it would be hard or impossible to believe any thing else anyway. I love her despite the tone of this post and I think she loves me too. So look at the proof of the damage a simple EA can do. TNman