Hi, My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years and married for almost 1 yr. She has recently moved into another home with our 2 yr old daughter. The reasons for this i have accepted due to my lack of emotional support towards her. This first started out as a "wake-up" call for me. She just wanted some time to herself due to the building resentment she was feeling towards me. Reasons for this include but arent limitd to my excessive amount of time spent in front of my computer and lack of family time. I soon realized what I had done to cause this change in us. I immediately tried to satisfy her emotionally by trying to spend as much time with her as possible, but this only seemed to cause her to push away even more. The couple weeks of away time that she asked for has now turned into an uncertain amount of time that she wishes me to stay somewhere else. This has caused me alot of sadness and depression from the lack of not seeing her and my daughter. But my sadness and grief only seems to upset her and create problems. She has basically shut me out of our relationship and refuses to speak to me about what our future will bring. I am beginning to think that she may be cheating on me for a few reasons. She refuses to let me see or use her cell phone, I wont hear from her for 2-3 days at a time, and she has been spending time with her sisters fiance and his buddies going 4-wheeling until the late hours of the night. I have confronted her 1 time about this in the most unthreatining way i thought possible. I basically asked her if she was still only with me and not spending any time with another person. I think now that I may have jumped the gun with that question, but she shows so much anger and frustration towards me that I dont know what else to think. She has also recently started working as a dancer in a strip club. I had no real concerns with her doing this but I now beleive that her job somehow influinces her daily life and her attitude towards our future. I am now at the point where I cant make any sense of her sudden separation with me even tho I try to make it clear to her that I love her more than she could imagine. But our relationship only grows worse each day we are apart and I have no idea what to do to make things better. I have tried to talk to her about our future but she refuses to speak to me when I do so. My fear of her seeing someone else is on my mind all the time and I find it hard to cope with daily activities.

What do I do and why is she so angry towards me when I am so hurt by all of this. I just want to talk to her and find out why she is acting this way, but that only causes her to react in anger. Any words of advice will be much appreciated.

I suspect she is in an affair and has been for some time. This is very likely why she left you in the first place. If her complaints about you were genuine, then changing your behavior would have been a solution. But as you can see, it did nothing. That is because she was using your behavior as a diversion from hers.

Moving out to "get space" is a CLASSIC statement of a spouse who is in an affair. It really means they are moving out so they can carry on an affair unimpeded.

If you did some snooping, I am fairly certain you would find she is having an affair.

The reason she is angry at you is because she has to demonize you in order to justify her affair. She is hoping to bait you into a fight because if you get angry at her, she can use that as ammunition against you. She can use it to rationalize her actions.

I am sorry you are here. But please read as much as you can and get your hands on the book, Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley.

well, you were right. With just a bit of searching I found something that helped prove this. She denies all but I am the one here that is most affected by this. And she continues with the resentment more than ever. I think its time that I move away from here to try and get over this. Thanks for the helpful ideas.

Tog, I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> There are lots of people who have been in your shoes; who understands your pain and who will be able to assist you with advice, support and guidance.

In the meantime, underneath are 2 threads you will find helpful:

WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses

Bob's Newly Betrayed Spouse MB Toolkit

If you still want to try and save your M, the first thing you need to do is to try and get your W to move back and start Plan A'ing on her (which include exposing your W's A to the relevant people). Also get hold of the book Melody recommended to you as well as "His Needs/Her Needs".

Take care,

Where is your daughter and is she ok? A mother who goes out and doesn't care for her children, isn't a good mother. The A makes a sane person act stupid. Your daughter's safety s/b of prime importance. You can't have an A and be a good parent.

L.

tog - would you like to fight for custody of your daughter?

Get an attorney right now.

WAT

How are you doing?

L.