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I felt so strong last week, that whatever was to be, I could handle it. Now I'm not so sure. I miss my H, I want him home, but he doesn't seem to want to commit to our M, still wants to be "friends" with OW.
I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of waiting, even though it's only been 6 weeks since D day. I've never been very patient.
I'm at the point where maybe I should just realize it's over.
I haven't given him a plan b letter. Don't know if it would even matter at this point.
I'm on AD's and thought they were working up until a few days ago. All I do now is cry.
Thanks for listening.
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Hi Catgirl, 6 weeks is a long time, especially when one day (or one hour) can seem like an eternity. It has been 6 months for me and I find that I go through cycles of a few good days, then a bad one. It's like I don't have the strength to sustain a positive attitude for a long period. Don't give up just yet. Sorry I can't be more helpful.
Ph
BS - Me 36
FWS - 36
DD 4 & 7
M - 8 years
DDay - 18/11/05
Sep - 01/09/06
Reconciled - 01/06/07
Recovering
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Catgirl, did you expose his affair to the OWH?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Plan B will help, I bet, if you're prepared for it.
Have you demonstrated your Plan A improvements to the extent he'll let you?
Do you have legal arrangements regarding property and financial stuff, e.g., a separation agreement?
Have you accomplished all exposure?
If you've done these things - and you're physically separated - there is no reason NOT to go to Plan B, IMHO.
Plan B will give you a sense of control and possibly bolster your attitude to be more positive.
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WAT, I don't think she has even exposed this to the OWH yet. She was talking about it last week, but I don't believe it has been done.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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cat - if Mel is correct, you are NO WHERE CLOSE to Plan B.
The act of exposing might be just what you need to get outta your funk. You may be overlooking that you could be the most powerful woman on the planet.
WAT
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I actually went over OW's house to expose on Thursday. I knew that day she wouldn't be there. No one was home. I was going to do it in a letter, but the H travels alot and I wasn't sure if he would get it.
I need to be sure he will be home when I go there. I can't face seeing the OW right now. As I said he is away more then he's home, so it is hit or miss for me.
She comes home before he does, so it's even hard to call without getting her on the phone first.
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catgirl, the affair has to be exposed before you can even think about Plan B. In fact, sometimes exposure stops the affair in its tracks.
Do you know where the H works?
What about other exposures? Such as parents, close friends, employers?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OK, that approach is what I just suggested in a reply to one of your other posts.
How do you know he travels a lot?
You may have to keep trying unless you can find out where he works and deliver it there.
WAT
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Do your H and the OW work together?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sorry, it wasn't Thursday it was Friday. I finally wrote a letter and was going to give it to him in case I chickened out while seeing him, but no one was home. I didn't just want to leave the letter there.
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I have no idea where the OWH works.
Yes, H and OW work together but only occasionally, a few times a month.
I don't know any of OW's family or friends. I've told everyone I know. H just denies it to them, saying they are just "friends".
Intercepted an email that stated that OWH was away "again" on business. The 3rd time that month. Also stated future trips. So I assume he travels alot.
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Well, you know what happens when OWH travels - which is also prime time for Private Investigators to do their jobs. I suggest you do this in parallel with continued attempts to notify OWH. Hard evidence will destroy the "just friends" alibi - and a picture's worth a zillion words in an expsoure letter.
WAT
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That's exactly what I'm hoping to do, although I don't know OW and H's schedule all of the time. Hate to pay for PI to just sit around. They aren't cheap!
I followed H once. Almost got caught. Don't want to do that again.
I have no one else that would help me follow him.
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In that case, consider hiring a PI to track down OWH's workplace - no sitting around to do that. You can sweeten the deal to the PI by stating you may want pictures of the infidels to show OWH once you know how to find him.
WAT
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Wow great idea! I didn't even think of that!
Just have to be sure OWH is home and not away on business to have PI follow him.
I'll see what I can do.
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catgirl, you might also pay him to stake out your H's apt one night when they are likely to be together and you know that OWH is out of town.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes I will try and do that too. Since H left I don't know his schedule anymore, so that might be hard, but I will try!
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