I had an affair six yrs ago, and because I'm a poor liar, my wife now knows. This affair happened with two different women within one months time. Woman one was a one night fling, the second involved a lead up to three consecutive nights of sex. Since that time there's been no contact with those women. Three years ago, I was away on business again, and kissed a woman. No excuse, but there was no lead up or feelings associated with that. Since, I've had no other issues and recognized my behaviors since these events.
My wife and I do recognize that we truly love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. At this point though, she's confused about me and my true love for her, and rightfully so. I keep re-enforcing to her that I do love her without a doubt and that I'm soooo sorry for everything that's happened.
Now for the big question: My wife wants to contact these women and discuss with them the things that I have told her. Should I try to look up these women for her to contact them?
The first woman, I can't remember her name. Woman 2, I know the first name, but will take some time to try and remember the last to find her. This woman was also married at the time as well, not sure if she is today. The woman I kissed, other than the uncomfortable conversation, I feel more than happy (I think) for my wife to get the validation that it was only a kiss and nothing else. As for woman 2, not sure I understand how digging up the past will be helpful for either of us. If anyone has been through this in anyway or just has some insight, please weight in.
Thanks

First, ask your wife to visit here and post questions if she'd like.

I'll say that contacting the women is not a good idea. You and your wife should have no contact with them whatsoever. Secondly, even if your wife did contact them, there is no reason to believe anything they might say.

If you are sincere about rebuilding your marriage, recognize that your wife has good reason to be wary of your trustworthiness. You had multiple affairs.

As a show of your sinceriety, consider offering her a post-nuptial agreement that would say that in the event you have an affair in the future, and if she chooses to divorce you, that you forfeit all marital property and assets in addition to giving her whatever other support or alimony might be determined by a divorce Order. In othert words, put your money where your mouth is.

Yes, I totally understand her being wary. I continually reassure that I will do whatever it takes to gain her trust. And since I've told her that, she tells me she now wants to contact these women and without doing so I'm validating her belief that I'm a liar by her not being able to get thier side of the story. She also says this is her way of understanding who I am.
I just feel that if I do the research to find these women, 1) it takes me back to thinking about those events, which I do not want 2) now my W begins to have a connection in hearing their voice and adds to her visualizations of those acts. 3) Woman 2, who was married at the time and may still be today, why would she want to talk to my wife if she is still married? I would see the vision of fear if someone I had an affair with all of the sudden contacted me out of the blue.
I almost feel obligated to honor my wife's request, but truly believe that it would bring about more than she or I want to bear.
Another question: my wife will ask me what she calls "trick questions" to see how I will respond, for example after we made love one night, we were close and talking she began to sob and then asked me "If this happens again, promise me you'll wear a condom". I thought, and certainly in my mind I said this, that she has nothing to worry about and that I would, but she has nothing to worry about. I reality what came out was, I will, but you have nothing to worry about. Needless to say by responding first with I will, she is freaked out. And that's just one example. She's a degree in psycology and is into reading into words/actions/responses/etc. I know I'm under a microscope and have no problem with that, but when we talk about these past A's it is so tough to go back an recall. An words of advice or wisdom here?

Will she come here to read and ask questions?

Please ask her to tell us.

BTW, does Woman 2's husband know of the affair?

What do you think of the post-nup to make moot any further discussion of using a condom?

I really think contacting the women is a bad idea, but I can imagine your wife having legit reasons for her emotional recovery. Maybe it's worth it for her. She will likely not settle for your logic NOT to contact them, but maybe she'll listen to an impartial observer.

Ask her to come here or print out this post and give it to her to read.

WAT

I've no idea about woman 2. After that affair, neither of us tried to contact each other. She was living in the states and we were living overseas.

As far as the post-nup. I like! I see it as another way to validate myself to her that it will not happen again.

As far as getting her to the site, I'll continue to try. At this time, she does not seem overly enthused to go to counseling because she knows what they will say regarding forgiveness, putting this behind and letting go. I personally believe that the counselor will provide an impartial view. She's been talking with other friends and we've both realized that there's a lot of screwed up marriages in the world. But I continue to reassure her that we will get through this and our marriage can/will be better than it every has been. She sees that too, but the thoughts of this mess continue to haunt her.