Psst... hey you, look over here... it's me, a FDQ... with some words to the wise about how to spot a DRAMA QUEEN (DQ).

I come by the information honestly and purely. I was a Drama Queen. Oh yeah, I still dip into the well at times, but pretty-much these days, I don't actually think the most important person in the room (forum) is me. In fact, my writing *this thread* is kinda/sorta Drama-Queen-ish, in the sense that I am bringing attention upon myself. But then, that would mean that everyone who begins a thread is a DQ and quite simply, this isn't true.

So, let's begin with the rules. Yes, there are set rules to what you must adhere to if you try to respond to her.

A Drama Queen believes:

It's all about her.
"It" is subjective. That means, it's up to the DQ to determine if something isn't about her. But it usually is.

The world revolves around her.
This may seem a lot like the first rule, but it isn't. In this rule, it's not just she who is important, but everyone in her realm. For example, her H, her children, her job, her pedicure... everything that touches her... surrounds her... is somehow connected to her in a way that you (her minions) do not understand.

Okay, now that the rules have been established, let's go on to her habits:

She is a colorful storyteller.
Let's face it, a story isn't a good one unless it has one or more... uh... exaggerations... not lies, mind you, but uh... well... listen... she doesn't *mean* to lie, exactly, but isn't it a better story she sprained her ankle trying to rescue an old lady from a mugger than say, sprained her ankle trying to jump over her kid's Tonka truck?

Her life really is more exciting than yours.
This is because she MAKES it so. She invites trouble, crazy-making, and stress. Again, she doesn't *mean to* but, uh, well, she does stuff she knows creates excitement because life is just so darned boring otherwise. This can be something as simple as "accidently" tucking her dress into her pantyhose... or as complex as joining a rock climbing club even though she has shoulder problems and will most likely end up in the hospital. (What a story that will make!)

So now that we have the rules set down, and a sneak peak into her habits, let's talk about how she looks, you know, so you can spot her:

She looks busy - always.
This is four-fold ~~

For one thing, she doesn't have time to do anything for you... or you... or anyone else. She's far too busy.

Secondly, she's the one who's late to any meeting or party, typically, because what's better for a DQ's ego than to the last one to a party, therefore forcing others to see her walk in.

Thirdly, She can stop a meeting dead in its tracks by clicking her pen, shaking her foot, or otherwise distracting people from their goal ... because her goal is to be noticed, and besides, she's *very* busy and doesn't have time for these stupid meetings.

And finally, if she has a kind heart, and can get something from it, she can actually be very helpful to you by sharing what she knows, and/or doing something kind like baking a cake on your birthday... which ultimately (in case you haven't figured this out yet) moves the entire experience and/or conversation back to her and her life. (i.e. Friend says: This is a wonderful cake! DQ says in response: OMG, you should have SEEN what happened! First, my oven exploded so I had to take the half-baked cake to the neighbors before it cooled to finish cooking. THEN, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, I tripped on the way home and almost spilled it on the driveway, which believe it or not, had just been freshly tarred this morning. Well, then... then I tracked in the tar on my white carpet... ) and the story can go on for minutes, hours, days or years.

Okay, so consider this chapter one of our guide. I'm sure that others will have something to add... people around here always have something to add.

I'd like to reitterate that I, myself, am very well-versed in this, because it has been my struggle, my lot in life, my cross, my albatross, my mantle...

What that means is that I can almost always spot another DQ a mile away. And... uh... I've seen a few lately.

Hey! I was just thinking of something JUST like that. See, my best friend is a DQ and I'm always....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Haven't we all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Who

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

you've come a long way baby

Pep

You met my XW?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
WAT

No, she means my XW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, I suppose it goes without saying (but I will say it anyway) that infidelity is no laughing matter, nor are the feelings that make you feel crazy.

However, my Bullcrappy-O-Meter has been clanging full-tilt lately, and I felt the need to share what I know (see number 4 in "How She Looks", eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> NBII, meet mirror! LOL)

Honestly, it was fun writing this, and I LOL a few times as I went along ...

... and I've certainly had more than my share of bad luck, consequences for poor choices and just... yucky things that have nothing to do with DQ'ing... but if you can't laugh... what's the use of living? (That last statement sounded suspiciously DQish, but wasn't, honest!)

Did someone say DQ????

I'll have a toffee blizzard if you please? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I won't tell the doc I have gone off of my diet, honest, promise, for sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Sadly, there are no DQ's near me, but that is a blessing right, NB??

JL

Oh yes, JL... it is a blessing... for you, not me, because we have a WHOLE BUNCH of 'em around here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ... although I *suppose* the blessing might be that they close for the winter, but the unblessing is, I guess, the fact that it's now almost summer, which means... what?... I'm confused. LOL Oh yeah, that they'll be open for the next several months. That toffee blizzard sounds pretty good, too... yep, it does... uh. huh.

... and I notice too, that you were able to get three, count them THREE of our fave emoticons on your response?!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> (I got four! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />)

Are you going to fill us in on how to cope with such persons?

There's a DQ colleague of mine who has been getting on my last nerve all day...

I had to call my H to vent about her because my other colleague who is a friend is not here today...

She talks loudly so that I can here all of her phone conversations and it is not PC here for me to keep my door shut...

She just now started a sentence by saying: "OH, MY"...

She wants me to ask her about whatever she has been talking about all day....

Plus, she wore her clicking shoes today....

"OH, MY"...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

QUICK MIMI! Pretend you're on the phone.................

mimi ~ "clicking shoes" LOL LOL LOL

I'll share how to deal with us -- er -- I mean them -- tomorrow. I have to get off of here now... I have big plans tonight and H will be home any second... I've been up and down preparing dinner and reading/writing for the last hour straight. My eyes are bugging out! LOL

What I do doesn't matter..if it doesn't pertain to her...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

Let's see how to deal with a fake DQ, not a DQ blizzard?? I know just the trick for you DQ. One of my sons baseball coach when he was young used to insist that the kids "chew". He brought a huge back of baseball chew, which was shredded bubble gum. He insisted that the kids could NOT play if they didn't have a cheek full. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I asked him about this. His response...when their mouth is full, they cannot talk and they can then listen to me our assistance coach them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> They did have a very quiet team. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> and a very good one as well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So I am thinking you need to find out if your DQ has a weakness for chocolates or perhaps taffy. You know something really chewy, definitely not "melt in your mouth", and you supply her with "chew". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What do you think?

God Bless,

JL

You did forget that the DQ will always interupt when another person is talking. Usually to finish the story or to insert a similar experience they had. When they are interupted back they will talk over you because what they have to say is the most important thing in the world

Well, you know... yesterday when I wrote this I was feeling... oh, I don't know... silly... goofy... and in a light mood. In actuality, DQ's can be lovable in their selfishness, but when it gets to a certain point, it is no longer lovable at all, it's crazymaking.

Crazymakers, according to one of my fave authors (Julia Cameron) create storm centers. They are destructive. And in my opinion, are not lovingly selfish, but cunningly malicious.

WS's are crazymakers.

Generally, I am not malicious. When I was a WS, I was. When my ex-H was a WS, he was. It goes with the territory... because the number one thing crazymakers do is to discount your reality and insert theirs. Sound familiar, BS's?

This thread is not about that. It was (is), meant to be a lighthearted look at the DQ. But I thought it prudent to mention exactly what I mean by DQ.

How to deal with one? Well, there are no hard and fast rules. In my opinion, determine first if you're dealing with a DQ or a crazymaker. Crazymakers need to moved AWAY from and PRONTO.

Next, Have a strong sense of YOUR OWN identity. Heck, become a DQ yourself and watch her spin like a top (kidding!)...

Be honest with yourself that you're dealing with a DQ and remove yourself from the situation if it's harming you. Even if the intent isn't malicious, it can be very tiring and energy-sapping to deal with a DQ. If possible, remove yourself from the situation. If you can't, protect yourself by not getting close to her.

Choose your battles. If the DQ is making a business meeting all about her, does it affect your work... does something about your job need to be discussed? If so, speak up...

Finally, one other suggestion that might work: Accept the DQ for what she is... put it all in its proper perspective and laugh along with the antics, if you can. A sense of humor is essential.

So, this is my entry into the Off-topic MB-Oh-Rama... and the end (I hope) of a posting furor. We DQ's get tired trying to share all this good stuff, ya know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Disclaimer: This post is not about YOU.



You are right. Drama Queens can be Crazymakers.

I deal with them by trying NOT to deal with them. I put distance between them and myself.

Actually New, this is thread is VERY HELPFUL to me because my DQ gets on my LAST NERVE...

If you haven't noticed, I have my goofy and silly days, too. Thank Goodness!!! To be normal and have fun again is GREAT!!

JL you said:



Unfortunately, when our DQ is eating something she likes, she can be quite annoying. She OOOHs and AHHHs and lets all of us know how "scrumptious" it is..and, of course, she probably made it herself..discovered the recipe..or knows how to make it even better...or knows a more nutritious version..."OH MY"...

DISCLAIMER: We wouldn't actually do this..this was just a REVENGE FANTASY..BUT...

My Bud here and I were thinking about Chocolate X-Lax on April's Fool's Day....

However, she probably would ENJOY telling us all about her diarrhea..we have to hear in detail about all of her medical issues...

Most of the time, I use Susan's approach and try to ignore her..She knows this..You should see her sheepishly try to make her way into my office with some excuse or another... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the opportunity to vent!!!

my fear of this



is ...

I might LIKE being a DQ !! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

so

instead

I make believe I have a blind eye and I have cotton stuffed in my ears

works for me

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Oh, Pep!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My DQ told me that she thinks people don't like her because they are jealous of her..

Maybe that's true of me, too...

Who knows?

Maybe I'm fearful of my INNER DRAMA QUEEN....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />