Posted on Recovery, but also would love any input from y'all....you've gotten me through this far! (thank you, btw....)

Many of you know our story....the Wookie had an on/off lta with VD (her irl initials) resulting in 2 OC. We are currently suing for custody of the children because of VDs poor mothering skills. Because of that, there is as much NC as we can right now....

We currently have custody of the kids 5 days out of 7 with US paying her child support still (the only way we could get her to sign the papers - she saw the $$ at the top of the paper and the lawyer said she signed w/out reading anything else....yep. great mom there).

The VD STILL (even after everything - court, we are slapping her with a home study next week, psyche eval), she still tries to get her digs in to both the Wookie and I. Last weekend after she'd talked to Littlest, the Wook told her, "Mijo said bye," and was going to hang up. Well she took it as an invite to try to start a conversation. After repeatedly saying, "Is that all...are you through now?" she says, "I miss you, bye," and hangs up before he could tell her that's unwanted. Stuff like that gets me riled like you wouldn't believe. She just won't let go....it's also pissing the Wookie off....for one it makes me mad, and for two he has come to hate her very existance....Hence, for anyone who's read anything I've posted, me going on the Paxil....my anger at her is so strong and deep....and I don't want it to ruin the good work the Wook and I have done repairing our lives. I totally need to step back and see it for what it is...and I have not been able to control that part of this yet....YET.

Now, to where I need input. I think I know what all will say....but my brother in law was told the plan last night and was VEHEMENTLY against it.

It is our plan to move as far away from SAT that the law will allow us to after we gain full custody of the children in order to get this VD out of our lives as much as possible. That means both of us changing jobs again....and moving again. The supposition on our parts is that since this VD has no car, no liscense, and minimal access to friend's driving her around, it would be very inconvenient for her to drive to us for visitation. Our thoughts are that she might do it once, but it'd be too hard for her to do and she'd give up (very much like her, btw). It might not stop the phone calls, but it would further show that the Wookie and I are a united front and she's not ever gonna break past our lines of defense again.

Brother in law thinks that it won't do anything. He thinks that we need to get custody of the children, stay where we are, and possibly file harassment charges on her if she continues this kind of unwanted contact.

Me? I don't think that's going to send any kind of message to her. She is the class of person that files charges on anyone for anything regardless of if she loves them or not. In fact, I think that she thinks ANY attention from the Wookie is good attention. To this day, she has not "gotten" it that us suing her for c of the children is not about HER, but about the children and their upbringing.

So what say you all?

Ask any questions, I'm sure I left something out.

Oh. And yes, from now on, we don't care if she knows that the Littlest said bye or not...once the child says bye, the phones getting hung up. She doesn't deserve the courtesy.

- Kimmy

kimmyy---you e one of the best moms ive ever NOT met....lol.(you know what i mean!) why in gods name would i ever second guess an exceptional mom like you.

and i also agree on the hang up part!

Thanks Nik....

I certainly felt safer from her when we lived so far away. I want that space between us again.

- Kimmy

Kimmy, I think you and the Wookster ought to come up with a way to get VD to release parental rights. I don't know if moving will help or not. Basically, you need to adopt those kids. Maybe VD will do you the favor of abandonment, but don't count on it. You know what her hot button is. It's $$$. Find out how much it'll take to get her to sign. Nobody better flame me for thinking I'm saying buy the kids either. I'm saying custody can be readdressed every 3 or so years and TX has some funky laws about that.

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good idea on just hanging up.

I don't see how you'll be able to file harassment charges. Legal issues have to be clear cut, black and white. She'll say she just wanted to vist the kids or discuss something about them, you'll say different... it turns into a pissing contest with more interaction and no resolution. Exactly what you want to avoid.

I think that once you get full custody, you should just sit tight and see what happens. She may fade away. She's certainly not interested in the kids. You can always move later. Changing jobs etc. is a lot of trouble!

my take.....your angry....you are letting her control your lives....

i would agree with your BIL....when you finally look back one day, you will realize SHE is a part of your lives forever.....and what kind of heart ache will you suffer if as most teenager do, they kids WANT to live with their "real" mom someday....boy...that'll hurt...the more you run or try to protect them, the more they will see her as the "victim"....

stay put...go through the legal process, and let it play out....thats JMO....

i will say this, YOU are a LONG suffering woman....your H has NO clue how lucky he is.....

turtlehead, is that really you?

Hi. You helped me once. Thank you.

Kimmy, I know what she's done to you...

Today on my way home, I noticed something in the middle of the road. After a few seconds I looked in my rearview and saw. It was a tiny little painted turtle, crossing the road with a line of a dozen cars coming its way. The first was almost on top of it. The rest were close behind. There was almost no way for that creature to make it across the road, and it was too late to do anything about it.

I felt sick in my stomach.

Maybe I can think of my own enemies like I thought of that poor stupid little critter trying to make it across the road.

Kimmy, the purpose of this move is to make access to your family and/or her children less convenient for VD, in hopes that this will kill her motivation to pursue wookie and/or her kids. Right?

Do you think this is a noble goal?

I'm not saying it isn't!

GC

>your H has NO clue how lucky he is.....

I think he does..........NOW!

>Do you think this is a noble goal?

When she behaves like she did yesterday....it is a worthy goal (not nec. the same thing, eh).

I'm just so tired of it all. It's been 3 years and 5 months now. I'm rode hard and hung up wet...and not in any kind of fun way.

'Nother custody hearing next Thursday.

Praying on it all to get our bearings.

- Kimmy

I think you and your H are actually living the situation and have a vested interest in the outcome therefore the two of you are in the best position to POJA how to handle it. It doesn`t matter what BIL or anyone else thinks.