Thanks Believer. I know I have to keep busy. Have started a divorce care class once a week. Daughter is very busy till the end of school. Need to do a lot of stuff at home. So I think I will be busy for a while. Really need a job. So I need to be working on that as well.
I know in my head it is going to be very quiet, but I know reality will set in in about a week and I will be having a harder time. Just trying to prepare my head...and my heart.

K

Looking for a job sounds like a good plan. What kind of work would you like to do? HurtinginOkla got a job a Burger King, and it really helped her self-esteem. I think that is so important in Plan B.

I had very little money, but did cleaning and rearranging. It felt GREAT. I was in the mood to toss stuff out. Getting control of my home gave me a sense of control of my life. Plus, whenever I started obsessing on WH and OW, I stopped, and started deciding what kind of curtains to put in my bedroom.

The thing to do is just pretend you are putting WH on the back burner for awhile, and working on other things.

I see where I rate, LA. "snif snif" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> You have hit all the threads but mine. I am sooooo hurt!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just giving you a hard time. You are busy little councilor today. Hope you are well.

K

LOL! I had nuttin' to say...what, you want me to make stuff up?

LOL

Believer is here...saying stuff I think...'cuz she's just that way, you know...

You want a check-in? A "how many hours now has it been? How many minutes?" which is all I popped in to say!

LOL

You gotta know, Kgirl...when I ain't got nuthin', I really ain't got nuthin'!

LA

Oh, wait! God nudged right after I posted...

I got something. I need your help.

Okay...I've learned how to break my enmeshment with my DH, my kids...my coworkers...but I haven't made a dent in my relationship with my parents.

I know this. Aware. Not helping.

LOL

So, hospitalization for them both this week...first Dad, now Mom...last I spoke with Mom, only knowing Dad was getting out, not her going in, I was told she didn't know when she'd have surgery and to be ready to fly down to help out. Great! (Did you know I got uninvited for Christmas?) Today, first call, from sister, was that she flew down because now Dad's at home and Mom's in...and yes, maybe I might be needed next week, or not.

I cried...right away...and I was okay with that...my sister could hear it...felt all the rejection, which is them protecting me from them or something...choosing for me, again, which is the pattern...my rejection, not real. Had the rest of the conversation, felt abandoned, unneeded...same stuff...defective...wrong...and went on.

Their choices. Respect their choices.

Very hard. Crying again. So Mom calls on sis' cell a few minutes ago to say why she choose sis to come down...and that she was "saving me" for when she really needed me...not as rejection. Not over working her people, she said.

I'm letting it just sit here, in me, no judgment. Like EO or Jwo said (I think Jwo on EO's thread), why am I taking what is said and using my perspective to harm myself?

Why?

LA

LA,
I have no response to your post. Absolutly none. I wish I did. But the parent/child dynamic....no clue.

I did want to say I have managed 4 whole days with no contact with WH. He has texted me once and emailed twice. I have not replied. Not that I didnt want to. But I resisted.
I saw him today, driving down the road. He saw me and waved. I gave a slight wave and drove on.

Anyway, just a small update.
Katie

Well folks, it has been a few days since I started Plan B. WH has been with OW now for a couple of weeks. He emailed me last night to finally admit he is addicted to OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> But that he didn't know what to do. Said I was so strong and he wasn't. That he can't believe what he has done to our family and to me.

So what now? This is somewhat different from the last times in that he has admitted this. But not different in that he has been away a bit and if feeling remorse or guilt. Do I answer this letter? I had two other apologys earlier in the evening via email, for something he had said in an email to me last week. I didnt answer those.

So I could use some advice here.
Katie

Kgirl,

You're not in Plan B if you're reading his emails...third-party, right? No information on him...not his moods, thoughts, nada.

Only facts...filtered for function.

No response. No. No. Why? Because you're in Plan B.

Please stop.

Be dark and removed...

LA

Well I have not blocked him from my email. I have not emailed him or even indicated that I have read his emails.
Believe me, I am not phased by this last email. NOTHING has changed, he has said nothing new. Except he called me his wife and he signed it "your husband". Something he has not said in a very long time. But still, unphased.

But I get why you tell me to be dark.

Katie

Yeah, you don't want him to say something new or that something's changed...you don't want to know.

Why?

'Cuz this time...words don't come close, right? His words are his...stop reading them. That way, you can know your own. Until he has lived differently for three months of no contact (and he knows this already), then he didn't change...just changed his words.

Protect yourself! Respect yourself!

If you keep judging if he's changed...he won't...he can't. Stop looking. Be in Plan B...really. This time, all the way. For your own growth...your time...your perspective.

You're worth it.

LA