OK - I haven't read the whole thing....How much would a barbeque cost with burgers, chips, soft drinks (BYOB) cost? Could you do that much ? Then let the other person provide decorations and and suggest a stereo for entertainment.

Am I stupid or WHAT is the big deal w/ strippers? Tell the other person you thought the happy couple might enjoy something a little 'classier'. (Really, what is the point other than to embarass the honorees. Like they haven't ever seen that before! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> )

Or, have I just lost all grasp on reality?

[color:"purple"]That is the heart of the misunderstanding. I was planning to cook some food maybe put up a banner. She started to give lists of things for something that would be more appropriate if it were just the girls having a traditional B party. Then there was a theme, etc. Which is fine by me, but it became apparent that they would "help" decorate with no offer to pick up the decorating supplies - implying that I would have them ready. [/color]



[color:"purple"] More like a real bachelorette party - with 50 guests. Doesn't work in mixed company in my opinion. [/color]


[color:"purple"]I did. I suggested that one of the girls might want to pick up a cake. She said there would be cake at the shower planned earlier the same day - so that wasn't necessary. I stated that any decorations the gals wanted to pick up was fine with me. There was no reply to that. She really does not want to pay for any more. Nor do any of the other bridesmaids. My mom said last night that she sounds like a user. She was shocked by what was going on.

V.[/color]

[color:"purple"]It is much harder for me to think on my feet. I tend to agree to things and then think more about what that means later. Plus she is a very very touchy person - much harder to think of something inoffensive to say if you are face to face and get a shock.

V. [/color]

[color:"purple"]Nah - I think that she has a very controlling nature. She's bright - maybe she is used to dealing with people that she can manipulate? [/color]



[color:"purple"]Thanks. I did vent and I felt better that I wasn't the only person that saw how she was trying to use me.

Wouldn't you be ticked if you put hundreds of dollars into throwing someone a party and all the guests thanked the bridesmaids before they left? Said what a great party and great food?

V. [/color]

[color:"purple"]She started to CC boyfriend on the emails. He asked me privately if I wanted him to step in. I told him no - let me handle this. The "front" we presented was that she was going to have to deal with me - no more him as a go-between. Kind of "put her in her place". See he would be more likely to agree to stuff but would not take out his wallet if it came to buying the stuff... He even admitted that if I were out of the loop that arranging for all this would fall on him and he was panicked.

V. [/color]

[color:"purple"]BF has beer on tap - he always provides the beer. The BBQ would probably run $200 in food - which I was willing to provide. It WAS the other stuff I was objecting to - I looked at some simple decorative stuff and the total for leis, garland, and drink umbrellas was another $80. That was minimal decorating - didn't even look at themed plasticware and plates. [/color]



[color:"purple"]IMHO I know the couple voted for classy. I think exGF and exW are cheesy types who would love to have a stripper show up. In fact I think they just love the attention. The bride is not that way. [/color]



[color:"purple"]No your grip is fine. I talked to other folks who had BB BBQs and they were low key - just getting together with their friends. Without party favors and a lot of attention to the bridesmaids.

V. [/color]

Of course I'd be ticked. Notice I said "what difference does it make" not "who cares". What I worry about is that BF will see your irritation and it hurt your relationship. That's when you have to realize that the appreciation of people you hardly know is not near as important as your relationship with BF.

Then communicate this to her. Just say, "since this is in lieu of BF annual MD party, we were planning on providing his/our home, do a bbq w/ food and beer tap. You, the bridesmaids are welcome to do any of the other additional things you mentioned...decorating, party favors, etc"

Seems pretty cut and dry.

I too think she's being upbeat and helpful and clearly thinks that you all are sponsoring, as in, paying for it all. I see no malice here. Just a plain ole misunderstanding.