I've posted here before...but because of my ignorance and fear, I failed to expose my WW affair. Now she is saying she wants to end our M and move out to her parents this weekend. My predicament is rather tough because she still works closely with OM. WW denies anything to do with affair since last December...even though they constantly text message over their cell phones. She say's it's work related most of the time...but erases it so I can't see. And she keeps her cell with her at all times.

The question is...is it too late for me to expose her?...I've tried calling OMW a few times this morning, but no answer. I figured I would start there. I can also talk to WW sister...but I think she is against me in a way, and may already know about the affair.

Any help is greatly appreciated !!!

No, it is not too late.

you need to call her family.

continue trying to reach his wife

call their supervisors at the office-or the HR dept- or both

Do not delay. Do it now.

I wanted to approach it cautiously...

talk to his wife first...then her sister (in person), then maybe her dad (in person). I think by going to the employer right away, it may be too much. Unfortunatly I don't have hard physical evidence to prove it. How do you approach the employer?....the OM plays an important role with the company.

Does this mean he could be considered her supervisor/superior? If so, a sexual harrassment issue may exist which is BIG STAKES to many employers - at least those with some semblance of ethics and those who have yet felt its bite.

But first, OMs wife and then your wife's family. Ideally, you need hard evidence for any of this because it'll be too easy to cast you as a lunatic.

Whatever you do, do not hint at your intentions to anyone.

Dear Sad,

First let me say how sorry I am that you have to go through this, I too, have been down your road of being the BS.

Now as far as exposing, this is a must.

Now also to save your marriage, there has to be NO Contact- that means none, period.

Even if it means her changing her job.

Right now, while contact is in effect, most of what she says you can discount to the fact that she is in the throws of an affair, and will lie, cheat, and deny it to the end to you.

So, Read up on Plan A which is part exposure, part being the best person possible to make yourself as attractive as possible to your ws.

Read all that you can on the website, read "His Needs, Her Needs", and "Surving an Affair", by Williard Harley.

I found the Lovebuster book by Harley also quite informative.

One of the casulties of an affair, is you self esteem tanking.

Right now, these might just seem like words, but please write these words down and repeat them to yourself over and over again while dealing with your pain,

"Your worth as a human is determined by your character, beliefs and values".

"Your wifes love, rejection, or hate does not define you, or your worth as a person."

Those words helped to keep myself from turning my pain and hurt on myself.

Keep your chin up,

You have friends who have been in your shoes behind you.


Sincerely,
K.D.'s Heartbreak

Thanks for responding kdsheartbreak,
I have been trying to go off of plan "a" for months...other than the exposure. I think I just pushed WW farther and farther away. She says she has no feelings for me. That there is nothing there and wants a D. Wants to put the house up for sale and establish visitation for our daughter.

It has been really tough to try and be true to plan "a". I've had setbacks by trying to get her to admit to the affair several times. And aside from that, she also has had a major falling out with my family. That actually made things much worse, as I'm stuck in the middle of it all. Through all of this I have been protecting her from others finding out about the affair (my family).

Her boss (OM) is her immediate boss. There is a boss above the both of them at work.

What kind of hard evidence do I need?...because they both work with computers they are REALLY good at hiding the affair. It's conducted through cell phone conversations and cell phone text messaging only...of course they also meet up together or go on business trips.

My other fear is that the other family members and friends will not believe what I have to say without the proof. Again, hard evidence.

The only hard evidence I have is a cc transaction of WW buying Celine Dion tickets for Vegas....of course she denies that they are for her, that they are for her sister.

sadmm, it is not too late to expose the affair. I would start with the OMW, your W's parents and then move onto Human Resources. Tell them you love your wife and ask for their support in saving your marriage. I would try and do this before she moves out.

As long as they are still in contact you can be assured the affair is still ongoing. Contact is contact whether they call it "professional" or a baloney sandwich. You know what it is.

You're behind the 8 ball without hard evidence.

Can you hire a PI?

Good! Well, not good, but good for a potential sexual harrassment case.

Is this a US company? Is it a well known company? If it's a large, well known company, I think you can safely name it and some here may have knowledge of its policies. Do you know OM's boss personally?

WAT

Thanks Melodylane,
I plan on telling her parents...probably her dad first. As he will be home in the evening. Her mom works afternoons. Another problem is the language barrier...english is their second language, but I am still able to conduct a conversation with them. Her mom would take the news especially hard....being old-school. The other problem is I don't know how much "crap" my wife has said to them about me. So they might not believe what I have to say.

Do you think exposing can be done over the phone?....or should it be done in person?

Worthatry,
no...I've met him once. They do have a HR group that I should probably go through for this. Can it be done over email?...

My brother actually works for another company (related to WW)...they share the same HR group.

Hiring a PI is probably a little late in the game, considering she is moving out this weekend...so she says. Plus I'm not in a position to afford one....I believe that can cost upwards of a few thousand, if not more.

sadmm, you can expose to HR over email, but be sure and CC SEVERAL people in that dept and even the CEO or other key officers. Address it to ONE PERSON, though. Ask this person: "what do you intend on doing about this?" That way he will understand that you fully expect them to take action and are awaiting an answer.

By ccing many others, you ensure that PROPER action is taken because too many ppl will know about it to just bury it with a wink and a nod.

Call the parents ANYWAY. Your W has probably lied to them about you. That is the downside of waiting to expose; it gives the infidels a chance to spin the story. And guess who ALWAYS stars as SATAN? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />