Is there a time frame? It's been 4 years and I still have missing pieces. He swears there is no more to tell. I don't believe him. Is it too late to ask for more?
Tatertot
I know this post is old, but hopefully Tatertot is still around and will read the only reply to her thus far.
YES, I don't think it's ever too late to ask for more!
The reason I say this is that I wish my wife would have communicated to me the doubts she harbored about my past infidelity. I had a PA before we were married, and after we were married, I hit on other women including some close friends of hers. This was all purely sexual, I was just a monster of a husband looking to get off.
I then came to my senses when I couldn't bear the shame after one of her friends rejected my advances (good for her!) I returned back to Christ for His forgiveness and cleansing, then confessed everything to my wife, fully expecting her to divorce me, ready to accept the consequences. We had our first son then who was only 2 1/2, and I think now the main reason she stayed w/ me was b/c of our child.
This all happened 9 years ago, and I'm now here on MB b/c I recently discovered my wife had a long term A w/ some jacka** she met over the net. Her initial response when I confronted her was that "you cheated on me, so I wanted to do it too". She then said how she was still very hurt from my past A and behavior, but that she still to this day doesn't believe I did not have an A/PA after we were married. She said she will never believe that I truly confessed everything to her.
All this of course was news to me, as I had been under the false impression that we recovered from my infidelity. Now, I wish I wouldn't have been so naive and would have taken more seriously the signs of my wife's unhappiness.
I really wish she would have just TALKED to me about what I confessed to her, and let me know that she still had all these doubts. I was always more than willing to share every detail that she would have wanted, I became as transparent and open as possible.
Now, I'm learning that one of the reasons for her A is the resentment she harbored against me over all these years, withdrawing from the marriage, and never willing to work through my past infidelity. So Tatertot, don't let your doubts go unanswered! They will lead you to further doubts and resentment! I love Dr. Harley's policy of radical honesty, and you should be honest with your H that you still do not believe him, and ask him to help you deal with it.
I'll save my story for some other post when I'm ready to spill my guts here.