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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693 |
Ok I have posted before so if you want the details they are here.
I finally talked my FWW into being honest two and a half years after D Day.
We talked the other night and she finally agreed. She always seems to want to have the discussions when it has to be quick. Well what I just realized is that every question I ask leads to more questions. She wants to talk about it one more time and let me ask all the questions then.
For instance I asked did you have sex with him after a certain point. She said no we did kiss and stuff. Well stupid me I didn't ask what and stuff was. Now I want to know what and stuff is.
I can't believe I opened up this can of worms now. I felt so good today then the and stuff hit me and I want to scream.
BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
If you want to know, just ask. Just know that you can't recover until all of your questions are answered to your satisfaction. She must be willing to do that in order to rebuild trust.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428 |
You can't get over something if you don't know what that 'something' was. She's actually trying to protect herself moreso than protecting you. Getting it out will be good for her in the long run too.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525 |
I had to know everything.
Positions..were you kissing while doing this..os?..everything.
Every imaginable [and I am an imaginative girl] detail..every possible combination of details..every variation I could think of..I needed to know.
Then after that part of the discussion was done..I kinda thought I might throw up, I went for a walk..H went to take a shower so apparently he was feeling icky as well.
That was actually the last discussion that we had directly about the A. Everything that needed to be said was said..every question I needed answered [and that he needed answered from me ..was answered].
For me..it was a big help..but at the time that I asked for the info..I was ready to hear it [and it was still really difficult to hear].
I do think a lot of people need this ..but I do caution you that you should be ready to hear your worst fears confirmed in living color.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693 |
Thank you. My worse fears have come to light before. LOL. I have actually told people the same thing about finding the truth. I just don't think I should have to commit to only one more converstaiton about the A. just becuase she has waited two and a half years to be honest with me.
Crap now I am so confused.
Ok I am going to straighten up and fly right.
Not going to agree to just one conversation.
I am going to agree to not dwell on the A or any topic during the A.
I will ask until I feel I know everything I need to know. If my questions bring more questions I am entitled to ask and know the answers.
If she doesn't agree then we are not ready for recovery.
BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It will take much more than just ONE conversation. It will take SEVERAL. You will think of new questions as time goes on.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525 |
Yes, do not agree to any such thing.
I should clarify that the conversation I described was the LAST not the only...these occurred over a period of years.
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