I have had eyes and thoughts for my husband's single best friend for the last 10 of 12 years that I have known them both. I am extremely disapointed in myself. I have always contained myself and always walked away. There have been times when I knew he was thinking it too but we always walked away.
We did not go all the way to the big mistake but we were both headed in that direction and then he stopped it with the words "I see this going wrong." He then said, "Do you think I was right for stopping it?" Yes, he was right.
I had never turned my head to another man except with him. There is something about him that has always made me question my faithfullness to my husband.
I have destroyed the friendship between the three of us. I can't explain my weakness at that moment but I can say that I do not like the outcome of it all. He ignored me for a while and now he just doesn't come around unless it is regarding my husband but he will acknowledge me. He is right for doing this and I hate myself for acting on a moment of weakness. I thought I was miserable holding it in for so many years but now I am truly miserable.
Any thoughts? I can't keep my mind off of it.

What should I do at this point? single choice
	Talk to this person about what happened.
	Let it go and pretend it didn't happen.
Votes accepted starting: 05/04/06 12:00 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

Hmm. Where's option 3 - TELL YOUR HUSBAND NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T talk to the person about what happened. Instead, tell your H immediately and put precautions in place to ensure there is no further contact with this person at all.

Neither option is the right thing to do. You should tell your husband about what happened and let him know how you feel. Why is honesty always the option we never consider?

This other man is not your true love, nor the one your are meant for. It's simple infatuation, lust, definately not love.

This is an anonymous message board. What did you do with him that was so embarassing? A proposal, a kiss? or something much more serious?

Yep...I agree with the others here...your poll does not contain the right answer...TELL YOUR HUSBAND!!! He'll handle it!

Mrs. W

Yup, I was looking for the "Tell my husband about what happened." button too.

iamconfused...

you are having an emotional affair....

you are having an emotional affair with your husbands best friend....for ten years...

you have replaced some of the warm fuzzy feelings and thoughts that belong to and should go to your spouse to another man....



you have spent too much time and energy in thinking of him..looking forward to seeing him...and then spending time with him...

lots of people have done this....
so you are not alone...

the problem is that this is the thing that distorts reality and can potentially bring great harm to you and your husband and your family....

already you have spent ten years feeding a distorted reality....

it is very sad and very difficult...

but you must cut all contact with this person 1000000000000000000000000000000000%
and
you must speak to your husband about the feelings and actions...

welcome to marriagebuilders....

ARK

confused,

Welcome to MB. I couldn't do your poll either. Please let me explain why neither of these options is the correct one:

Talk to this person about what happened. Research shows that when potential affair partners verbally acknowledge the affair or their feelings, it can have disastrous results. If your object is to save your marriage....don't move to the next level by talking about this with H's best friend.....he is trying to do the right thing and stay away from you. Please do the right thing and do NOT seek him out.

Let it go and pretend it didn't happen. Neither of these strategies....letting go or pretending.....address the precautions that need to be in place to prevent the affair from going further. Your marriage is at risk as long as you put your head in the sand and pretend that you can just be friends with this man. You need accountability and you need no contact with him. The way to get that....is through honesty and separation. If your husband felt the same way about YOUR best friend you would need and want no less. The ethical way to save your marriage is through radical honesty and protection of the marriage through strict no contact with this other man. That may sound drastic, but evidence on this board has proven it is the right course to stop this affair in it's tracks.

This man gave you a gift....he walked away....because you weren't strong enough to do it. You think you're miserable now...but you cannot possibly understand just how much worse these things can be....reading here will help you understand that you have just dodged a bullet. Consider yourself lucky because this has the potential to tear your lives, and the lives of your children apart. The most important relationship in your husband's life is with YOU....his partner, the mother of his children. You have robbed him of emotional energy for long enough....put that energy INTO your marriage rather than into a relationship that would destroy it.

Don't tell him anything else. My best friend told my husband how she has "always felt" about him and they began a five month affair while I was pregnant. Go tell your husband, nothing but bad can happen if you talk to him especially if you are alone. Go tell your husband!!!!!! Then yall can begin to build a strong marriage where neither one of you can fall for the affections of someone else. You will not only ruin the lives of your husband but also yourself him, your family, his family, and your husbands family. Trust me I know from experience. Leave your husband's best friend alone. Don't think that you could not start an affair. You are at greater risk if you think nothing will happen. Please go tell your Husband!!!!

"We did not go all the way...."

What does this mean?

You owe it to your H to cut all communication with this j3rk off. He is supposed to be your H's best friend and while HE put a stop to things... he should NEVER have put himself in that place to begin with.

You sound as though you have some serious growing up to do and I would suggest that you start today by telling your H what he has a right to know.

tell your husband

not

"this person"

YOUR husband is the man to whom you OWE complete emotional honesty!

if you do not do that

you willingly and maliciously make intimacy within your marriage

impossible

Pep

iamconfused2,

Truth here...my wife could have authored your post! TELL YOUR HUSBAND NOW! Tell this "best friend" (BTW, he is NOT by any stretch of the imagination)to piss off.

Experience here...even if nothing ever happens between you and this man, you are robbing your husband and your marriage of the EXCLUSIVE intimacy they both deserve. My wife's first betrayal was with our "best man". Seven years into our marriage she allowed herself to act on her feelings. She decided to "go for it" (her words). They spent the next 22 months "playing house" while I was away on seaduty. Eventually she ended up pregnant and killed the baby through abortion. Both of them kept their "secret" for the next 26 years. It was only after d-day (and multiple subsequent betrayals) that I found out. PERHAPS, if I had known of this first "EA", my (our) history would be different <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />