Post deleted by notsohappyhubby

Well, you posted in an area concerning infidelity, which you don't mention.

You two need some counseling. She may be nagging a lot not so much because of what she nags about but due to overall unhappiness.

One thing for sure - address this now and don't expect it to fix itself. Oh, and don't make any babies any time soon.

I am not one to give advice - but - from someone who is now in what I consider an unhappy marriage (i.e. mine) - you need to think long and hard before you have any kids.

You have easy options now. Once you have a kid, those options are totally gone.

Be sure you want to stay with this woman before you even think about kids. Seriously, at this point you could basically "break up" with very few consequences if you want to - kids change that completely.

P.S. you know this board is really about infidelity - don't you?

Not,

This sounds like a terrible case of immaturity to me. Agree, don't bring any children into the mix. Living apart is sooooo bad for any marriage, let alone a brand new one.

You need to get into marriage counseling at once and figure out what it is that has changed and what can be done to improve things for both of you.

Who

If this date above was pre-marriage, that would indicate you knew she had this habit, yet married her anyway.

Could it be that there is something medically wrong with her? Pardon me but she sounds a bit unstable. Either that or she is very immature.

All we have to go on is what you have written, but it does not sound like your marriage will last the way things are now. Have you tried talking to your wife about her behavior and how it makes you feel? I agree that you two should seek counseling.

This particular forum as you have been told is for infidelity, but look through the other forums and also the entire website. There are a lot of things Dr. Harley says you as a couple can do to stay in love and have a healthy marriage, but you both have to be willing to work on it.

Best of luck to you!

Post deleted by notsohappyhubby

Did you not understand what I said in my first reply?

Don't expect this to fix itself?

Don't be a conflict avoider. You don't address this head on right now and you'll pay later, I promise.

WAT

Oh oh, don't give her the "I told you so" speach. Don't tell her, "I warned you." That's bad juju, mahn.

Keep a journal of all the places you've applied and your interviews. Give her something tangible to look at.

Definately express to her how you feel about how she's treating you, But do it the way you would want to be treated. Don't say to her, "You hen pecking harpy, you p!ss me off every time you open your mouth!" Say something like, "When you say things like ______________(give example), I feel like you don't support my job search. Can I count on you to provide the motivation and assurance I need?"

But by goodness, make sure you're actually busting your hump doing what you're telling her you're doing. Women, as I have recently read, don't handle the weight of financially supporting a household the same way men do. I think she's frustrated. I think she doesn't know how to express it properly. You're right. It'll probably quit after you find work, but you've got to let her know that when she behaves that way, it really demotivates you. Just remember, flies and honey, flies and honey.

Ask her to use HER contacts to see if she can help you find work. If she gets actively involved in your job search, she may calm down a little.

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by notsohappyhubby

Make her? You don't bro. You can ask her, you can invite her. You can say, "I'm going to talk with so and so. Would you like to come along this week?" But you can't 'make' her. You can entice her. You can show her what you think the benefits will be. You can listen when/if she asks questions, but you can't 'make' her. It's a negotiation. If she doesn't see how it's good for her, she won't do it. Paint that picture.

ditto Drex

Separately, go to the book store on this site and order "Fall In Love, Stay In Love."

Read it and make sure your wife sees you reading it. If she wants to see it, by all means allow her to browse and only then comment that you think it has good advice (assuming you do). Continuing Drex' thought, DO NOT try to force it or anything else on her.

WAT

Dear Not So --

Your wife's actions are beyond immaturity. You are in an abusive marriage and it will only escalate until you get help. If you were a woman, and the man was treating you this way, just about every response you would receive here would be to GET OUT. Only because you are bigger than her have you not been physically hurt, but it's not for her lack of trying. Emotionally, she is beating you. YOU see a counselor on your own to sort out your options. She won't go, this will infuriate her, but YOU MUST.

The fact that she is fully capable of acting fine in front of others shows she CAN control herself, she chooses not to.

I'm so sorry. It sounds as if you've tried hard. Please see a counselor. I recommend you NOT stay with an abusive spouse, but your counselor will help you through those decisions. Take care,
Shellybird

Post deleted by notsohappyhubby

Sure, Not So, people can change. Can or will your wife? Don't know, but the sooner it's addressed, the better the chances I think.

You can't do this for her. I suggest you focus on what YOU can do and why you are in this situation. A good counselor can lead you down the right path and help determine actions that you can take to help yourself and your situation. Please don't allow this to continue! It won't get better on its own.

Take care--
Shellybird

Post deleted by notsohappyhubby

Post deleted by notsohappyhubby

As adults we're drawn to emulate what we saw our parents do in their relationship with each other. And if we were missing a parent or two, then we tried to imagine what to do or we drew from other influences in our lives like teachers or pastors or even siblings.

First, all you can do is be supportive to her. She has to want to change. Like I said before, you've got to show her how it benefits her to do so. What's her incentive. What she's doing is a learned behavior. That means its a habit. Habits can be changed.

Somewhere, I read in the last couple of days, about leading a horse to water, but not being able to 'make' it drink. However, if you put enough salt in his oats, he'll 'want' to drink that water. Salt your wife's desire to change so she'll want to drink more water. That's what WAT was telling you. Let her see you reading Fall in Love, Stay in Love. Leave it out where she can pick it up. That's salting her curiousity.

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />