I tried some similar software. I found it unusable because it is unable to tell if there is an outgoing call without, in effect, lifting the receiver. So, there is a periodic click on the line which is pretty obvious. Maybe the version you are using is better. I hope so.

-AD

I thought that too about the software, I will check it tomorrow and see, if so, Is there a recorder that you can plug into the phone line that does not take cassette tapes??

Dug, you can get that type of recorder from Radio Shack. Last I saw, they sold them in digital and miniture cassette formats.

well, I broke down and had to see how things were going.. She has been ulgy since I went home and had to tell her that I am going crazy with all her negativity and anger..
She stays on her computer till 10:30, then comes downstairs and feeds our 4MO and goes to sleep on the couch.. Everything I ask or do is wrong....

She said tonight that she is just trying to hold it together till our MC appt to see if there is any hope for us.. Guess that is good, I hope..
I just keep trying to give her space and be there for her but from what the last 6 weeks were before I insisted on the NC.. these last 4 days have been living ******!!!!!
So I am guessing she is going through withdraw from the OM and maybe will come out ready to work on us..

Her brother and his family is coming to visit last weekend of the month and I asked how we were supposed to act then, she said she hoped we would be moving on by then..So again, maybe there is hope..
This is much harder than I ever thought..

ALSO, I just got HNHN, surving an Affair, and BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE , which should I read first???

I would suggest Surviving an Affair.

Hang in there. It sounds hopeful to me. If she is really having NC, her withdrawal should be over soon.

OK, I am going to finish Lovebusters first, then SAA...

Man, I hope this is over soon...

OK, new problem.....

WW and OM's wife a friends.. I said NC with OM, but she will not give up contact with OM'S W...

So next she told me that they invited us to go camping with them next weekend.. ME, WW, OM, OM's W and all our kids.. I told her no way, and said I was "not ready" for that yet.. I meant never but just said not ready.. She said fine she will go with the kids byherself...

WE have MC next Wed.. I am thinking of telling her that if she plans on going camping without me, there is no need for MC because we will be over if she goes.. But I think if I say that, it will be over...

Help

OMG you're kidding me. OMW is ok with everybody going camping, toasting marshmallows and singing "kum ba ya" around the camp fire?

One of three things.

1. OMW doesn't know anything about the camping trip. Your WW said they invited you knowing darn well that you'd say, "You want to kiss my what?" so that she can go get her OM "fix".

2. OMW is smoking something.

3. OMW is an enabler for OMs A with your WW.

IMO, Get OMW on the phone and find out what you're dealing with. I don't know even a semi rational BS that would say, "Hey, why don't we all go camping?"

Are you serious? OMW is still friends with the affair partner of her husband? Insane, I tell you...

WOW Drexxel, we are in the same boat almost, I found out about my WW A on 3-23-06...and she is 33 and I am almost 34...
TO answer your comments..

1. OM's W actually asked me first if I was interested in going, I told her I doubt it, then she asked my W and she said she would like too.. Before I knew about A we had plans to go camping and we bought a tent and everything..

2. Maybe...

3. I believe, that OM's W has moved on, her and OM are in MC and doing fine, they are happy and have moved on completely, they do not see that in us and they try to be an example for us but instead, it is just fuel for my WW addiction.. I actually talked to OM's BS on the phone, she knows everything, I told her that her husband told my W that he loved her, and that they talked about sex.. I ever told her that her husband said " My W would never do anything like that" and my WW said " your wife might not, but someone else's W would..."

But I am guessing they are in recovery and do not understand why we are not, and they think camping will help us, when it will just be more fuel for the addiction...
If, some day that I can not even believe exists, me and WW were fixed and had a happy M, then maybe I could spend time with them, but for me to say I do not think we are ready, and her to say she will go alone with the kids then.. I think I just need to talk to a good lawyer..
Again, OM's BS is a strong Christian and anything she does she believes is PRO fixing our M's.,.

Ok, I think you should talk to OMW and say, "Listen. What you do with your marriage is one thing. I'm still fighting for mine. As long as my WW has contact with you or your husband, we can get nowhere. Do you really want a friend who would lie to you and hurt you?"

I am still in shock that OMW would even suggest camping. As for WW, definately talk to an attorney.

I plan on talking to WW tonight and see...

OM told me he would do WHATEVER I need.. So I think I am going to tell him to tell his wife that if I do not go, he does not want her there alone.. that will show if the OM is really in it to fix my M and then my wife will not think I am trying to come between her friend (OM's WW), she is still in the fog with OM and still sooooo pissed at me over the NC..

Good grief. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

The no contact needs to extend to the entire OM family.

The idea of socializing with people when there's been an affair is nutz. It's like quitting smoking, but reaching into the ashtray to pick up someone else's cigarette for a drag. It's like joining AA, but chugging leftover cocktails before washing the glasses. It's like quitting freebasing, but renting rooms to addicts.

I don't understand the OMW, unless she wants to be part of a menage a trois, why does she want to continue contact?

She wants to "help" you fix your marriage? No, she's either stupid or lying to herself. As are your wife and the OM.

Similar thing occurred in our M when my STBXH had an EA. I won't go into detail because it would waste space. Just know that the idea is crazy.

She says she is going to go, I am going to tell her tonight that there is no need to go to MC next Wed if on Thursday she is going to take our kids and go camping with them for the weekend against my wishes.

If WW has any respect for what the MC has to say, tattle. Stand up, turn around and SHAKE YOUR TATTLE TAIL!

If you've still got OM on your side, play that card. Tell him to uninvite your WW.

Duglas,
Have you exposed to the church elders? You are the one where he is worship leader at the church?

I'm stunned that the OMW would even consider contact with your family. I am a Christian, but I do not want any contact whatsoever with OW or anyone in her family. We do everything in our power to avoid contact. I'm just shaking my head.

I'm confused- she agreed to no contact with him, yet she is going to go camping with him. I do believe the A is a lot more active than you are being led to believe.

She agreed to NO PERSONAL Contact to him, I said if we get to a point in the future that I am ok with it, that we could do FAMILY stuff together.. I was saying this like years or at least 6 months from now, when I was filling my wifes needs and she did not need OM.. She took that as we can do family stuff whenever she wanted I guess.. I really would be for this if me and my wife were in recovery and she was looking to me for having her needs felt..

I think I will tell OM to tell her she can not go without me, I am sure he will and it will piss my wife off but if she goes I am done, I am not going to sit in a house all weekend wondering what they are doing and if they are alone etc... I am going to move on..
I think I am not going to say if she plans to go then to skip the MC, I think she can plan the camping trip and I will tell the MC what she has planned if the OM does not tell her not to go.. I already know the MC says NC forever to WS's.. So, her going by herself will not be something the MC will agree with..

Sorry if none of that makes sense, my mind is going 200MPH and just want the stress gone... If it was not for the 4MO, I would be soooo over this

Dug, I suggest you read a couple of current threads out here regarding NC. When you start letting your boundaries get pushed back, you let in a flood of unwanted activities.

duglas, you can't stop her from going, but you shouldn't allow the kids to be exposed to her affair. I would put down a firm line when it comes to dragging your kids into her affair. And whatever you do, DON'T YOU GO.

And you are right, there is no reason to go to counseling if she is still in an affair. There will be no recovery until her affair ends.

Are you SURE that the OMW understands this is an affair? Can you speak with this nutjob and tell her that affairs are like alcohol addictions, the only way to recover is COMPLETE abstience. Their families should never be in contact again, lest the affair will be resumed. I would have a talk with this nut.

HUH?? That is just an INVITATION for a resumption of the affair. We have cases of affairs that are resumed YEARS LATER. YEARS LATER after just bumping into each other in the grocery store.

There should NEVER EVER be any contact again. That means they should not ever SEE each other again, even if its in a crowded room. Dr. Harley is adament that they should never see each other even if it means moving to another STATE.

OK, sounds like fun, I am going to tell her I can not stop her from going but I want TOTAL NC with there family compltely and that if she plans on going camping I do not want my kids there.. But is there anything I can do to stop her from taking them..??? I do not think there is..

AS for the OMW.. I have talked to her, told her that her H told my W that he loved her and that he degraded her to MY W and that they had sexual converisions on the phone and IM while we were sleeping in the next room.. She has forgiven and moved on.. Yes, I am thinking either very low Self Image or a Nut job...

I am over it all anyways..

Total NC or what..?? I do not want to leave again right?? So I tell her Total NC with there family or we will not work on us?? She is not working on us now, she is just being ugly... This all seems so very very hard...