Children's activity fees????? band, soccer, camps, etc.????

Cinderella,
I will add those, thanks.

I'm speaking of the top of my head but as I recall if you can get STBXH and his attorney to agree that your SS should continue to be paid to your estate in the unlikely event of your death that the SS payments could then be characterized as non-alimony, property settlement payments which would then NOT be income to you nor deductible by him. I doubt you could pull this one over on his attorney or him but just maybe. Before trying this gambit please verify with your attorney, if you get the chance. Your attorney may even have a sneakier plan to get him to agree to. You see there are strict definitions in the tax code as to what constitutes alimony versus property settlements. The code is attempting to be very clear who pays taxes on what; however, divorce attorneys commonly mess this up when they prepare the final order. Nobody notices for a few years until the IRS comes-a-knocking trying to figure out why you've not included the income and your X took the deduction. Be very clear about this and take advantage of being prepared to his detriment if you can.

For example, if I'm right about the payments continuing to your estate when your dead, then in negotiations throw this offer on the table and maybe they'll agree in oblivion to the tax ramnifications. After taxes, you end up with what you want even though your seemingly agreeing to less SS up front.

Good luck tomorrow and I hope your baby feels better.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks, I printed it off and will show my attorney tommorrow when he and I meet.

I will let you guys know what happened when I return, court is @ 2p.m. Well I'm off to bed, I need a goodnight's rest and hopefully I can put in a half day of work tommorrow.

Tried to come to an agreement before trial, had to leave b/c baby got sick again.

STBXWH wants to offer me:

All equity in the house
$1350/CS
$1350/SS
NO RETIREMENT (my attorney said the judge said that I will not get it b/c I get all the equity) Is this true????? Please tell me that this is not true and my attorney just said that to try to get me to settle. I don't even know what the value of his retirement and stocks are b/c he did not provide the documentation.STBXWH said it is only worth the same as the equity.
He still did not included SE income for anything.

I said that if he gave me $3000 w/o me working then I will be okay with that but he said that he did not have it to give.

What do I do, has anyone every refi or brought a new vechicle w/ CS and SS only, no wages.

I don't want to look like I am trying to be greedy but I just need more to be able to support the kids and myself.

He is going to sign a quick claim deed but if I can't refi and can't afford the payments his name will still be on the loan.

Why are they tying my hands like this where I can't work to establish my own credit and have to be totally dependent on him.

WHAT DO I DO, PLEASE HELP!

My attorney said that the judge said that the CS amount with daycare expenses is unjust. But according to the law here it is NOT.

Do I stand my ground and go to trial tommorrow, and let the judge tell me these things himself or do I settle to get it over with, something here just doesn't sit right with me.

((pepsi))

I don't have advice for you, what does your lawyer say?

I would be reluctant to agree that equity=retirement without knowing how much the retirement is.

What is your husband's income? Broken down.

Not that I'll know much I just want to know from a fairness excercise in my own head.

Is the home in an area of the country where you anticipate growth in value? If so, then taking the equity may be OK versus the retirement plans value (whatever value that is...why has your attorney failed to get that info...I presume your STBXH just withheld the info). Anyway, if the home is really not going to appreciate that much I wouldn't want it. Can't you say no to taking the equity in exchange for other more liquid assets???? Since his name is on the mortgage anyway why not just leave it on the house and there it can sit until the last child leaves the home at age 18 or 21...then you can sell the house and split the equity. Having the equity now does you no good unless you expect the value to skyrocket.

Remember also, you need retirement savings for yourself as well and such retirement savings grow with a built in tax advantage. He can't match dollar for dollar, retirement $$ versus Equity. That is just not fair. Try trading it the other way if he thinks that is so fair...he can take the equity to the home that you'll be in tolling everyday raising his 5 kids and while you hold and watch your retirement savings grow through the roof.

I'm thinking you just take your chances in the courtroom. You'll never know what you could have got otherwise and just maybe the judge will hammer him. I doubt you'll get less (I'm sure they are offering at or below the very minimum they think you'll get in court). At least then you'll know you weren't taken advantage of nor further victimized by WH.

5 kids, I so feel for your situation.

Mr. Wondering

Jean, I know this is crazy, I have no idea how much it is.

MrW,

Yes STBXWH failed to provide that info (retirement and stock and his pay stubs or bank statements and my attorney wasgoing to take his word for it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well I don't think it would appreciate that much more, I think I will suggest what you said since his name is on it wait then sell then split b/c w/o a job, I cannot access the equity so it is doing me no good just sitting there.

That's what I told my attorney w/o a job, I cannot get retirement and my healthcare will be astronomical.

I'm thinking about just taking my chances in the courtroom. You are right, I'll never know otherwise and just hope and pray that the judge will hammer him.

I just thought about him getting the business also this is truly not eqiutable.

Hey is it true that they cannot take over a certain amount of his income, do you know that percentage?

I have read that you can't garnish more than 50% of one's wages, but don't take my word for it, I don't remember when I read that.

If my math is right, WH will be paying you 36% of his income (not incl SE). I have two children, and CS alone is 32%. What does your state CS calculator say?

Hey Jean, with 5 kids, I believe it was 40-50%.
The more I think about it the more I know he can come up with $300 and I am not taking all of the equity in the house like MrW suggested.

I'll be back later, the kids and I are going to a friends to eat and relax.

That is what I was trying to tell my attorney, that's why I need to go to court and hear what kind of laws he is using, but the more I think about it I just think they are trying to scare me and get me to settle for not a fair share, I even read here where marital misconduct, child custody decides who get more property that's why the brunt of it should go to me.

Well interesting day today. Baby was sick couldn’t take him to daycare so my attorney’s assistant watched him out in the hallway while we did the trial. First off let me tell you how much of a jerk STBXWH is, when I arrived at the courthouse he saw me trying to struggle with the baby, his diaper bag, my purse and my portfolio, he walked right pass us, did not even bother to help me, what a jacka**.

Then in the hallway before court the baby went up to STBXWH about 3 feet and was looking at him with a strange look (like don't I know you from somewhere). I proceeded to go over and say “want to say hi to dada, where STBXWH could say something but he did not even acknowledge his OWN child, just looked at him crazy, and did not say hi or anything. What the he** is wrong with him?

Overall, sitting there I felt so peaceful and knew that this was the end of my M, I let it all go, he is a total stranger to me. I feel really good that this is almost over. I have peace now; I know that I do not want that M or STBXWH like he is now. I am better off w/o him.

I guess before trial my attorney and his attorney had a shouting match b/c I said that I would take $3000 CS only(which is a compromise of a couple of hundred dollars). His did not want that. When they went to talk to the judge the judge said that whatever the CS calc said that is what he is going to use. But of course STBXWH attorney thought that it was unfair & unjust so he wanted to present his side.

My attorney caught STBXWH in lots of lies on the stand also caught him hiding income. He was not creditable at all.

In the end the judge said the he would make his final judgment on the 26th of this month, we also have to send a proposed judgment. He stated that he is obligated to go by law and that is also the best interest of the kids. He congratulated us on the parenting plan that my attorney and I drafted which is what STBXWH and his attorney also agreed on. He said that we need to move pass whatever animosity we had for those kids b/c they are what matters. (I was starting to tear up in court when he started talking about the kids b/c they are the ones who are suffering).

Plus we had to move to a different division and judge which my attorney said that it was good. God gave me favor in court today. I felt his presence with me.

Let us know when we can congratulate you for the end of this trying journey ...

sounds as if you are going to smell like roses & STBXWH is the manure that allowed you to fully bloom

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep

Sounds that way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Thanks Pep I will definitely let you all know.

May 26th...got it. I'll be praying for you. Sounds pretty good.

Losing Judge Grandpa is good???? Is Judge Grandpa going to prepare the final order and THEN you move to another Judge to manage your divorce case from the 26th on out???

No biggie.

I think you did the right thing.

WOW, ignoring his own child...the depths they sink too. Not in any way excusing or apologizing for STBXH, but he likely thought the kid in the courthouse was a strategy you were utilizing to invoke sympathy from the court. He had a one track mind today..."HIS" money. I pray he will be a better father than that in the future.

Mr. W

MrW, no I wouldn't say that losing judge grandpa was good but my attorney had a better feeling about this judge and so did I.

I believe that this judge is preparing the final order since he heard the case and I believe he said that he will go over the evidence presented, look over our proposed judgments and judge according to the law.

Yeah, that totally blew me away today, you would of thought he'd be happy to see his baby since he hadn't seen him in 2 months but NO, didn't give a dam*. Well his loss. I will pray that he will become a better father too.

(((Pepsi)))

Big milestone today for you...try to relax a little now!!

I am glad this day is over for you Pepsi, get a good nights rest!

Hi Pepsi,

I just realized you were lashelle825. I have thought about you often. I'm so glad I found you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And you have already been to trial! Wow... time flew! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

It's shameful how cold and callous your STBXWH has become, even toward the children. And Yes...I pray he will become a better dad also.
_________________________________________
Todays Daily Bread...

Our children are a gift from God
To nurture and to love;
They need our help in guiding them
To turn their thoughts above.

LITTLE CHILDREN ARE OF GREAT VALUE TO GOD.
__________________________________________


I wonder if he will be facing perjury charges also, he should be.

Anyhow, I'm glad the trial is over for you, and I hope and pray the best outcome for you and the children.

Huggs <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />,
Lady

Hey Ladysheep, I was just thinking of you yesterday!

Pepsi, have a great day since the stress of court is over.