Thanks MrW, I hope it will be very soon. My attorney said that it should be very soon, the judge needs to send the wage withholding to his employer and get everything else in order as far as the property and such.

I would think that they would start it maybe on the 15th of this month since I'm sure they don't want him to get farther behind in CS then he already is. Also my attorney told me that they usually for back CS take 1/2 of the regular payment each month. Which he really can't afford, it will leave him with almost nothing so don't know.

They already are going to have to take it in 2 payments b/c he doesn't have enough to take it in one.

Still wondering if I should tell my very soon to be ex-SIL about our D. Don't know why VSTBXWH hasn't told his family and why is he leading them to believe that we are together and working on things/marriage.

Maybe just give her a ring-a-ding and casually discuss it under the presumption she already knows. Address your hope that once the divorce becomes final THIS NEXT WEEK you hope to maintain full ties with her and the rest of his family (only to the extent you desire such contact). As you will be primarily in custody of the kids it will be in their best interest if they maintain close ties with all their relatives. Indicate that for a very long time you anticipate NOT being friends with XH so your only request is that you not be surprised by his presence at any family event they wish for you and the kids to attend. You do not need them excluding their brother/son/etc., but you all can certainly get together without his presence.

Best wishes,
Mr. Wondering

Thanks MrW!

Just a quick update. No final decree or anything as of today, wondering what is taking so long?

STBX called Monday (I let it go to VM) trying to be nice wondering if I would trade weekends with him. Asking if the kids needed anything (he has never asked that) and saying that he would do something for our DS6 B-Day which was last Thursday (he did not bother to even call and wish him a "Happy B-Day") what a jerk, I'll be glad to have this D final.

WOO WHO!!! Well Final Decree is in! I am a divorced woman. It is kinda unreal. I am feeling pretty weird in a good way.

I got almost everything I asked for except spousal maintenence and that is just b/c he could not afford to give it after all of the CS he has to give me which starts on the 15th of this month. I am really happy.

((((Pepsi))))

Happy Dance?? Cartwheel?? Hug of sympathy??

What is the etiquette for Happy Divorce Day?

I am glad that you and the kids will be taken care of.

Congratulations, I guess? Glad things are working out for you in the legal world.

Hey Jean, I am sooo glad that this is finally over with and the kids and I will be taken care of.

Hey SM05, yes things will turn out for you too. I never thought that I would feel this way b/c I loved my WxH (first time I got to used this word-how weird) so much but if you just asked God to give you the strength to endure whatever plan he has for your life, you too will have the same peace as I do. It WILL get better SM05, I promise, I too never thought that it would. I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you, Pepsi. I know that havingthe legal stuff over is certainly a weight off your shoulders. I guess I'll be there soon enough...

Now that we are divorced, WxH keeps emailing me about nothing, being very nice and keeps trying to make excuses to get into the house. What is up with him?

He has to give me a lump sum payment of the back CS that he owes me, he has to give me the check for my attorney fees by the 25th of this month. He also has to give me a check for 1/2 of the real estate and personal property taxes and catch up the mortgage, plus CS starts tommorrow.

I know that he doesn't have the money to pay all of this but this is what he wanted.

I totally missed this thread.

I'm so glad things worked out for you and the Judge saw fit to give you what you need. Obviously, going to court was the right call versus settling.

I wonder...what was the final percentage % awarded (CS/Salary)????

I wouldn't be surprise if the consequence imposed by the divorce decree and the award of such huge amounts to you doesn't slap WH out of the fog a bit. As I said to you a long time ago, divorcing with 5 kids is a rarity BECAUSE it is just NOT economically feasible. I'm not saying you should even consider reconciling with this man after the way he has behaved recently....just take care of yourself as best you can. Learn yourself about what you want out of life and your next relationship. Get yourself to a happy place. IF and only IF exhusband comes sniffing around, he must do the same thing and do a lot of growing up BEFORE the question of "should I consider taking him back" EVER passes your lips. If nothing else, make him post 500 times here on this forum before you'll even entertain the idea. This place has a way of making waywards that stick around grow and "own their villiagers".

Good luck Pepsi,

Mr. Wondering

Hey MrW, I was wondering what had happened to ya. I am so glad that I decided to go to court.

As far as the final %, they included his business income too which I am glad about that. I get about 55% of his net income and I think it is only like 37% of his gross income.

I'll keep your advice in mind.

He is acting very weird, when I asked him when my health insurance though his employer was going to be canceled, he said and I quote "I am not removing you from my policy, you will continue to have full coverage" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I told him that he had to check into that b/c legally since we are divorced now that I did not think that he could do that. Needless to say he did check today and he has to remove me by June 24. I should have keep my mouth shut <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

glad things went your way...if such a creature exists in the divorced realm.

I am so happy the kids are with YOU! awesome.

now about the wierd behaviors of the xh...mine did/does too from time to time. it is about LOSS OF CONTROL...suddenly it's FINAL...he's no longer your H. HE HAS TO ADJUST TO THE IDEA DESPITE HIS BEHAVIORS...they get a dose of reality when that happens.

my xh is so happy I'd imagine b/c I am still single. he still feels that teeny bit of link/control to me...and I don't let him...i am in a modified plan b/d infinitely.

and the money? sure your wxh is gonna freak when the MONEY TO FUEL THE AFFAIR IS NO MORE....HE'S NOT GOING TO LIVE LIKE A ROCK STAR ANYMORE HON...he's gonna be a dad with dues to pay to the family HE abandoned...

and now I'd sure expect over the next six months for the poo to hit the proverbial fan in his life...I'd expect his crash...but again, your recovery and that of the kids IS WHAT IS PARAMOUNT NOW.

you endured alot. proud of ya girl.

sorry you had to join our club. but you will make it. you are NOT alone.

and your WH will regret every second of each day his stupid decisions...he just may not show it on the surface.

Funny you said that b/c he family has no idea that we are D. My attorney even said that he doesn't think that XH realizes it is over and we are really D now.


Yeah XH asked me where I was last Sunday so he can drop the kids off to me, I told him that it is none of his business where I am, who I am with or what I do anymore and that I am suppose to get the kids from him so he did not have to bring them to me.


Right again Peach-you are good. He already is in contempt of court b/c he was suppose to get the mortgage paid up by May 31 and he has not done it b/c he doesn't have the money. He has not even given me the money for my attorney fees yet either which are due by June 24, my attorney said that he will take care of him if he doesn't get that money to me on time. And we won't even mention the back CS that he owes me.


Thanks Peach, it means alot to me.

you're a survivor TOO!

WxH came up to my job today to give me DS1 medicine that he left over his place yesterday. I kinda of joking said "what, no lunch today", he said he had to be at a meeting at noon but another time. He even gave me the money for his portion of the prescription <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well tomorrow is my B-Day, I will be the big 35, I'm starting to feel old.

Well just had a talk with WXH, well not really a talk, but I kind of chewed him out for not even wishing me a happy B-Day when I went to get the kids from him this evening.

He was just talking and mentioned that people asked him what happened between us and why our marriage failed and he tells them that he does not want to talk about it. I said that he should just tell them the truth; he cheated. But then he gets defensive and said well what about why he did it. I told him that I will not take any blame for him deciding to screw around. Then he said that he did not what to get into this conversation and he did not what to talk about the past ever.

I told him that we needed to talk about it or things will never get better between us. He said that he could not do it now b/c it was still too painful and he is so confused and when we get all the financial things in place that we could maybe talk then.

BTW, he went and got an earring in his ear, I think he is really starting to experience a mid-life crisis now. I even found a CD that he left in his CD player, that his mom accidentally packed in the kid’s backpack, that is so out of character for him. It is the nastiest rap/hip hop music I have ever heard. I can’t believe people actually listen to that stuff and that they can say stuff like that.

I guess my question is, did those of you who are D, have “the talk”?

Well WXH filed a motion to reconsider or for a new trial yesterday, does this ever end???

I should of known that he was up to something when he told me Sunday that he was so confused. I don't understand why he is asking for a motion to reconsider unless it is about the money (CS, attorney fees, mortgage arrears, etc) or if he is reconsidering to D period. I'm hoping that the court will deny it b/c he has been stalling everything long enough (esp. CS). I was glad this was finally over now it looks like he is prolonging it.

I'm pretty much thinking that he doesn't have a snowball's chance especially with the CS but who knows. This is really putting me in a down mood. Does anyone knows if this will stop the current CS order that we have now.

Oh I forgot to mention that my attoreny could file a motion of contempt against him b/c he miss the deadline to pay my attorney fees.

Sorry to hear this. I don't know the intricacies of your states processes but he's likely just manuevering for more time. He's likely feeling the order the judge signed is just sooooo unjust that it's got to be overturned so why not waste more money and time fighting it. I bet he'll also fight it annually and/or biannually...every chance he gets...thus you must continue to keep a journal of his activities to support your argument that he is making just as much money as before even though his 2006, 2007, 2008 doesn't reflect the other income which he failed to report. He is likely to try to turn some outside jobs into cash jobs to thrwart paying you so much. Just keep your eyes open and look for such efforts. Your kids will unknowingly spy for you...get them to innocuously give you updates occasionally on xh activities.

Call your attorney and take the kid-gloves off. Have your attorney file the contempt charges and fight. Stick up for yourself, your kids and your rights...I anticipate you are going to have to do this for years and years. This is the downside of not settling on an agreement, when a judge "imposes" an order on someone against there will they will forever resist complying. You had no choice as his "offers" were way less than reasonable...just understand that by not settling and "winning" more...you are likely to face this battle for years to come.

I still expect your exHusband to come sniffing around regarding reconciliation. Eventually it will dawn on him that he was better off at home with you and spending "HIS" money how he saw fit rather than you just taking it from him. He'll likley believe at first he can con you into taking him back and then playing all he wants behind your back. I know you'll know better than that despite how badly you are in need of a patner to assist with raising those FIVE children.

Anyway, ask your attorney and tell him to vigorously and aggressively defend your rights....NO KID GLOVES FOR YOUR BABY DADDY.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

btw...he'll very likely lose his petition. Not even knowing the court I'd give his chances of success less than a 0.05% chance. He's just NOT a sympathetic petitioner.

W

Hi Pepsi,

I hope you don't mind me jumping in and giving my two cents on your thread, but here it is, for what it's worth.

I don't know the legalities so I can't help you there. BUT, as far as the ex's actions, I would say he is having a little reality crisis. What OW is going to want to hang around when 55% of his pretax income is going to his ex and kids? What OW is going to want to coparent 5 small children? The reality is that he is no longer a chick magnet and he probably can't even afford an apt. I would not be surprised to see him try and call the whole thing off. I don't know if he can, but I'll bet he'll try.

Pepsi, whatever happens, you are 35 years old. You are YOUNG and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Good luck.
S.