SO I just go back from my two hour commute to exchange kids with ex. He is there in his brand new 06 crew cab 3/4 ton dodge deisel pickup. THis person who complains he is so poor because of the money he gives me. He also has recently bought a camp trailer and new stainless steel appliances for his 250k house he bought last year.

ME? I live in a 30 year old mobile home and work 2 jobs in the HOPES of building a house here someday.

It just sucks that he and live-in GF are living a sweet and easy life while I struggle and struggle. Why is life so unfair?

Sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. It does suck sometimes, no doubt about that.

(((((cm))))

AGG

Sorry it sucks. When my X gets a new toy, I like to think that he can't possibly afford it (as I too take all his money) and he must be charging alot on his credit cards. So, we too could have new vehicles, or we could live comfortably.


It could be worse. My X is taking me back to court to do the driving for him. It's too much of a hardship for him to drive his kids to school 6 mornings a month (as written in the D decree).

Thanks,

I try to remind myself that I really would not like to live his life. He has changed from being a die-hard country boy to living in a city. I, while being honest trailer trash, do own that trailer trash on a nice piece of country property, and my kids get to play in the backyard creek all summer, and ride our horses whenever they want.

I DO have a better life, although not as easy of one. And while it may not be nice for the kids, he lives far enough away that for two whole weeks we are our own family with no interruptions. At this point they don't seem to care about not seeing him much, but they are young so I'm sure that will change as they get older.

You guys are great, here, thanks,

cm

CM~~

Yes, there is much to feel concerning our beloved x's.
I don't know how to respond to x getting new toys. Mine doesn't do that so much, he never has been one to indulge. He makes a very good salary, and he still drives his 1986 vehicle. However, he's quick to remind our daughter's when $$ stuff comes up, that he gives "a lot" to their mother.
Oh well, small price to pay to be with the perfect woman.

I too have changed my living quite a bit.
I had a new home and all that goes with that.
I now live in a nice 50 yrs old home, no dishwasher [excluding myself] 1 bathroom house for us 3 girls.
I can't say that life is terrible. We moved into town, life is so much easier and my girls are happier living where we are.

Like newly, my x should have our girls thru the week and take to school as stated in the decree. For him, that is too big a task. I had a procedure done this past week and "needed" him to take the girls one day. What a production. He let them know how late he would have to work because of taking them to school. Nice!!

Just think guys, at one time, these folks were all ours! Kind of scary isn't it?!!

Things may not be as sweet with his honey as it may appear.
I used to think that too. However, this year I've been hearing some not so sweet stories.

And remember, your x got the nice coupon book that goes with the new toy! Sleep well tonight knowing you don't have that over your head.

Karona

Karona,
True, I don't have that coupon book. This is one of the things that is so weird to me. He did not used to be like that. Very simple and down-to-earth. He has changed a lot.

I hear all the time here about how folks realize how dysfunctional their marriages were, and wonder how they lived so long like that. I did NOT have a bad marriage, nor was I married to a man who was anything but a gentleman and old fashioned and caring and giving. I almost wish I had a bad marriage, or could remember a rotten guy, because it might be easier for me.

cm

my ex is very very very materialistic. did i mention, VERY.
I will admit, I do like nice things and someday I would love to have the house of my dreams, made all warm and cozy just for me and my perfect someone. In the meantime I have the marital residence. It is ok. A typical 3 bedroom 2 bath starter home. I have done a lot of nice things to the inside. The outside is not so bad but getting to where it could use some touches. Together we were supposed to put a roof on it and siding and fix some things but alas, he chose to buy toys instead and have affairs, so it did not get done. And now I cannot afford to do it. It is a comfortable home and it will be fine until I sell it and get the h*ll out of this God forsaken town someday... But I digress.

My ex walked away with his 2 vehicles, yes 2 and his motorcycle. I did not get to keep my car in the sep agreement either. So I have to drive an old car now when I had a 2002. oh well, I no longer have a car payment right now which is good. But I miss my car :-( Just a material thing though. I will buy another one in the fall. But ex has all these toys and cannot even afford to go out and get a 3 bedroom apt so he can have his own kids overnight. His toys are more important! I told him to sell some of them and with the money he would save in payments he could get an apt to have the kids for visitation, but no, he cannot do that. Sad what materialism will do to you.

So, yes, he has some toys but I do not care. I have my home, I have my children, the most important thing. He will always buy "stuff". I will have my degree in a few years and hopefully a great guy and be back to the 2 income scene and than I will be able to live comfortably again and have the nice things I like. I just keep looking to that and knowing my time is coming!

mlhb

"he could get an apt to have the kids for visitation, but no, he cannot do that."
This is likely not materialism, it's probably more about controlling your time (so you'll always have the kids) and he can lead his carefree new lifestyle.

yes newly, i do believe that is part of it for sure. but he is only hurting himself because when the day comes that i go for full custody, and that day is coming, i will get it because of his selfishness and the fact he does not nor has he ever put his children first.

mlhb

CM~

While I didn't want my marriage to end and I fought for it, I do now see how wrong it was for us. I can't say my x was a bad man, made bad choices, but not a bad man.

I can't imagine being in your position, and wishing for it to be anything other than the way it was. That must be difficult.
I'm sorry for your pain.

Karona

My X is doing the same thing, cutting off his nose to spite his face. But they feel so right about fighting us - that they can't look at the consequences on the kids.

mine are much better off with me anyway. he is content to be a part time dad. fine, i love them more than anything, they can be with me. i need his stupidity anyway, when i am done my degree i am out of this god forsaken town and with his actions i will have no problem being able to bring my kids with me where ever i may want to go. mlhb

Thanks, Karona, yes it is hard. What I have to do is look at the man he is now, and the lifestyle he's living now. He's not doing anything wrong, but it's just so different than how we lived, and how I like to live. I detest cities, adn he lives in one, when he used to spend his weekends riding horses and working cattle, sitting around a bonfire in the evening.

Well, I have my own place now, and my own creek and firepit, and a wonderful man to share that with. I love my BF lots, and most likely will marry him in time. I know that Bill and some others will probably say I'm not "over" my divorce because I still get bummed about the whole thing, and wonder why and all that. But I"m not rushing things and I"m trying to do better this time, and so is BF.

MLHB,
As everybody tells me, the kids will know when they are older who put them first in their lives. Yes, my kids are spending the weekend in a nicer house going to nicer places to eat(heck, going out at all is more than I can afford) and riding in a nicer car. BUT, they also know, adn will know more later, that he does not call them at all during the weeks they're home, so really, where do they fit in with his life??

I had a father that also had more money than my mom. I"m sure she went through ****** hearing about all the fun things we did and bought. But you know what, when I stopped initiating contact with him when Igot older, I never heard from him again! So I know where I stand with him and it doesn't matter to me anymore.

It's not a competition- that's not what I'm saying at all. Just love your kids the best you can and do the best you can for them and they will know how important they are to you and how much they are loved.

cm