Oh this site has helped soooooo much!!! I found out last Tuesday my worst fears were true. On Wed. I first hear from him. I got the I haven't loved you for 3 years, not attracted to you (Hello? Male anatomy 101) We fight too much and it isn't good for our daughter. Well, I e mailed back and said all the right things. Thursday morning I get a call. He says we broke it off for now. He made arrangements to come home to talk that evening. He is VERY honost with me about everything but still claims he is "in love" with her and she is "in love" with both him and her fiance. She is trying to work on things with her fiance is what he said. Then he said that everything he said in that e mail was "exagerated" and that yes he still loves me. Or a part of him does. I got all the I am stupid and I am sorrys. So I say I am going to my moms for a few days and you can stay here. He agreed and would meet me in counceling on Wed. Well, I have not been able to reach him since then and he is not staying at the house. He has only spend 20 dollars sinc Friday. Yes I KNOW this for a fact. He didn't even try to get some control of the finances and had promised he would spend as little as possible. So why does he avoid me and where could he be?? I would think he would understand why he needs to answer to me at this point. DId he mean the things he said when he was over the other day? I have no reason to believe he didn't. One minute he is my old husband again, the next a psycho I need to have commited. Is there hope?? Should I even put hope into him showing up at that counceling session? Should I see an attourney? I want to fight for my family but keep my dignity!

Confused,

Glad you found MB. We've been where you are.

Have you exposed the A to your the OW's fiance? You must expose! This is ONE shot you have in killing the A.

Read up on plan A & B. My only caution of advice to both plans is don't dilly-dally on either. Stick to it but don't spend too much time on each one. This is how I view each plan:

PLAN A: WS, your husband, is in control. You try your best to meet his EN, while you sacrifice yours.

PLAN B: YOU, the BS, take back control.

My FWH had a 2yr A. D-day was 2/1/06. Kicked him out that night, BUT not w/o exposing it by calling his best friend (married). H stayed w/them. OW was licking her chomps waiting for H to waltz into her life. He never did. Did plan A and yep, H played us, BS and OW. I kicked in plan B on 3/19. Re-exposed A to H's & OW's family friends, and OW's co-workers. Sent OW's desperate, emotional basket case, "Fatal Attraction" type emails she sent to H's over the course of their A. Sent shockwave to all who got it. This can be a big LB, but I didn't care at that point. I asked for a D a week later. The next day, he called if I would reconsider and go to MC.

On Easter, H sent a NC letter to OW with a CC to me. Five days, he moves back home and we've gone to MC for the last three weeks.

So, EXPOSE the A ASAP. The longer you wait, the less impact it will have. Expose to OW's fiance.

Good luck. Hang in there.

Wounded, I’m so sorry to see you here because it means you are in pain. You've taken the most vital step in recovering your marriage though, simply by coming here. Your marriage is recoverable. Never doubt it. Others here have done it and so can you.

I advise you to move your thread to the forum "General Questions II." You will have many more of the pros out here on MB read it in that forum. Few of them come here to "Just Found Out." You aren't getting many responses, Wounded, but don't be concerned. It's the weekend. There aren't that many folks on the board.

Suggestions: when and if you set up a thread on GQ II, please give more detail about your situation. Assume we've never heard about anything like this in our lives and lay it out in a chronological order. When in doubt, include more detail rather than less. Remember you have total anonymity out here. We don't know you and will never find you, so you are free to tell us everything.

Also--please don't take offense--but in describing your situation, remember that paragraphs are your friends. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Every time you start a new thought, start a new paragraph. It makes your summary a LOT easier to read and understand, okay?

Come on over to GQ II, Wounded. The pros on MB will be there for you.