May 7th

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I'm sorry to use the reply space to post but I cant figure out where I post my own message.
My husband of 26 years told me 3 days befoe our 26th that he was leaving me and has a girlfriend. It's his highschool GF and she's not a christian and never has been. WE sold our home and each have an apartment. This all happened between March 19 and May 1! I feel like I'm dying the pain is so intense....sometimes I cant even function. HE calls me still and is very tender toward me but then he'll go spend the night with her. Last week he called me twice for lunch...I kept it upbeat and made chitchat....the next day he was with her. She's setting up house at his new apt and wants to live with him. HE says he knows it will work with her. I thought it was working with us! I'm panicked at the thought of her moving in with him. He's not he kind of man who can take care of himself and he hates being alone. I've shared my heart every way I know how and have been very honest which he says touched him deeply yet he returns to her over and over.He doesnt want to make a decisionabout a leagal seperation and he says "its not over with us..he'll tell me if its over", and he doesnt want to risk losing me forever". Is he trying to let me down easy out of guilt or is he really torn?. When i talk to him about the Lord he gets very thoughtful and sometimes teary eyed. This whole thing is so out of character for him....I was calling him several times a day crying and begging him to come back and telling him how sad I am but decided two days ago not to call him...let him call me. I'm willing to see him or just talk but I dont want him to have us both. On the other hand, I fear if I ignore him he'll just be drawn more to her and forget about me. My friend called him with a word from God for him and he cried. Another factor here is that he is an alcoholic who hasnt drank a drop for 26 years and is now drinking. He is a hard core alcohlic when he drinks and I feel his addiction is calling him. Also, he has Hep C and has been is chirrois of the liver for 15 years. His health is really poor...the first of March his Dr talked wiht him about going on a transplant list and he refused. I feel the drinking (he went on a 3 week binge and ended up in the hospital for 5 days) was a suicide mission and this whole thing is a mid life crisis/panick at the thought of dying. He said he has to go figure out what really matteres in his life. He also says he's in love with both of us. What do I do? I cant find plan A plan B here on the site..where is it??? I am so open to reconcile ..Please advise!
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teresa

4/1/06

more of her story

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I too had an affair with a Dr I was working for and let me tell you, the shame is so intense when it's over, I couldn't talk to my husbnd about it either, not even with a counselor. It's been 7 years, I've remained faithful and love him dearly....looking back, I wish I could've been honest with him and answered his questions but the shame and fear were so deep.. Do go to counseling together and believe that God can restore your wifes love and desire for you and you only but at the same time be wise...watch for relapes but try not to push her away by always being suspious. My husband is now the one having the affair and I cant help but think I deserve it, I'm reaping what I've sown. We've been married 26 years and he told me 3 days before our anniversary. I now know the pain I put him through.....horrible.
Dont give up...
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teresa

more from 4/1/06

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My husband of 26 years just told me 2 weeks ago (3 days before our anniversary) that he's leaving me and is seeing his highschool girlfriend. He told the kis (grown) and his family. I was in total shock but it's hitting me hard now and I dont know what to do. He directed me to this site to help me get through the pain. His GF isnt a christian and my husband is backslidden. He feels guilty and torn between us I can tell but he sleeps at her house every night. Hard to face. We very hastily listed our house and it sold in 24 hours so now we have to live seperately. I'm wondering if we (I) jumped the gun on that? I couldnt have him living here and sleeping there and I cant afford the house alone. I'm sick, sick, sick and half crazy with grief! What do I do????? I got legal seperation papers but dont want to use them but feel I need to protect myself financially. Help, anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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ter

also from 4/1/06

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I just read Plan A and B....and am now totally panicking about selling our house. What if we never live together again??? And what emotional needs is she meeting?? Cant be sex....personal reasons...he said he just got tired of me telling him what to do. I always thought I was taking care of him but I guess he felt like I was mothering him, maybe??I think I'm probably more attractive than her, and younger..I still have a good figure....I think I'm a nice person and good company...I just keep trying to figure it out....
I think he's away on a weekend trip with her.
Also, my cat fell in the pool last night and when I woke up she was drowned....it was horrible! What a bad week....I'm screaming angry one minute and in hysterical sobs the next.
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teresa

[color:"red"] Ok Teresa

now it's all up to you

GOOD LUCK !

Pep [/color]