It's 9:14PM now, WW is not home yet. I had believe I had uncovered more information than I wanted. This EA seemed to already have progressed to PA. I am deeply hurt and numb. My son is still with me and the poor boy wants me to go with him to the mall on the weekend to get WW some jewelry. He said it fixes everything. I had to tell him it might take more than that.

You must be on the left coast. Please tell me you don't live in Washington State.

You're saying you just found more information and it's already turned physical? No wonder your wife didn't react more strongly last night when you confronted. She knew you hadn't found everything. Keep up the intelligence operation. You need to know the scope of the affair so you can deal with everything at once.

It doesn't change what you have to do, rman. You need to get on with exposure to bust the relationship up, then work on bringing her back into the family with Plan A.

Hang tough, pardner

Hotrizona here.
I think she is getting a little close to moving out when she finds a place to go. I had told my sis and BIL today. Tomorrow we'll find out what else needs to be done. Right now I'm numb as heck. A little snooping showed me that they were together tonight, snacking at the park! One little detail she forgot to mention while we were talking, and I thought we were getting somewhere. Sheesh. I think we need to get separated or something... I dunno, sorry guys I'm just a little frustrated. It's 3AM or something and I'm still typing away, power of bud light!

She must have sensed that I can read her emails now. She just sent the dude a message that correspondence should be sent to her work email.

You really need to tell OM's W ASAP. Go ahead and do it today - OK?

OK...so you're looking for more information on OM?

Now...realize I don't know the legality of what I'm advising, so any use of this advice is up to you.

Learning info about my wife's OM was too simple.

You know his first and last name, the company and dept he works in? Any idea what kind of work he does? What job specifically?

Look online or in your wife's material from work and find his HR dept #. Call them posing as a rep from the HR dept of some other company. Tell them that he's submitted a resume, and you're verifying his information...and start out with asking the information you DO have. Full name, current job title, work phone # or work email addy (most places base it off his name...so you might be able to guess at his based on that). Take good notes...be VERY pleasent and cheerful. Chat up the other person. Then move to questions that you have outstanding...home address, home phone number, etc...

Have your questions written down when you start. Call from a pay phone located in a building someplace with no/low background noise. If the other person doesn't know or won't tell, don't push it. Be VERY nice and agreeable.

Once you've got that information, use it to improve your web searches on him as well. If you have any friends who are police officers or something along those lines, see if they can do a criminal record check. (If you have kids in school, go to their school and talk with the SRO...in school police officer...tell him that you suspect that your child may be in contact with this person through your wife, and you want to know if it's safe).

Being polite, agreeable, and chatty can get you tons of information if you ask the right questions to the right person. Never be pushy...and if you call and someone doesn't want to work with you, try calling back later in the same day or a different time the next day and see if you can get lucky and find someone else to work with.

In two hours I had TONS of information on OM...scared the heck out of my wife. She knew I led an interesting life before I met her...she had no idea. LOL

Listen to the folks posting to you, rman. They know what is coming. They’ve been there. A few other points:

Rman, if she's looking for an apartment, you're going to hear something from her containing the word "space." She needs space to think, consider the marriage, or something like that. It's code for, "I can't stand you interfering with my affair; I’m getting a place of my own so I can keep seeing the OM.”

First, you make it clear to her you cannot stop her from leaving, but the child stays in his home. Your son isn’t a pawn she can use in her adulterous little games.

Second, you do NOT support her financially, or in any other way, moving to an apartment. If she wants to live in Fantasy Land, you can’t stop her, but you don’t make it easier. Do NOT make the mistake of thinking if you help, that she will see you in a better light. Actually, she will lose even more respect for you than she already has. Do NOT become needy and wimpy. Women are not attracted to needy men.

Third, in order to make the above happen, you probably should see an attorney as soon as possible (ASAP). Protect your finances. A couple of the big points here are to cancel joint credit cards and get new ones in your name only and also make sure joint savings and checking accounts cannot be looted (if necessary, open ones in your name only).

Fourth, accept the fact an alien creature has recently beamed down from the mother ship. What you see as your wife is actually a beast taken over by the alien. Aliens lie. They do not know how to tell the truth. They will look you dead in the eye and swear day is night if saying that furthers their affair. Aliens have willingly left their children behind, or subjected them to dangerous situations, all in the cause of continuing the affair.

Fifth, the alien is in the grip of an addiction. It’s as powerful as any illicit drug and as hallucinogenic. The alien wraps a little fantasy world around herself and the other man and its grip will be as difficult to break as going cold turkey from anything a junky injects into his veins.

In short, you’re in a war. You will have to fight the alien with every weapon you have at hand. The best weapon you have is exposure. Your best chance is to separate the two of them right now. That’s what exposure can do. We’ve talked about it. You’ve used it tentatively. Now use it as a nuclear bomb. Get that list together and start calling people who can influence the affair. Near the top of that list needs to be the Human Resources Director at her workplace. The email she sent him is evidence they are carrying on this thing at her workplace. The corporation IS involved now and they need to address the problem. Also, it just became very important to find the other man’s wife. You can’t delay anymore.

Continue your intelligence operation. Expand it. Consider a digital recorder secreted in her car to listen in on cell phone conversations. Find a way to hide other recorders near landline phones (as opposed to cellular) in the house if you even think she might be calling from the house. If you can swing it, hire a private investigator for additional intelligence. If there’s a chance she will take her computer with her to a new apartment, can you install remote access software on it before hand? It might prove useful.

Okay, pardner. The war has begun and you’re in the front lines. You have work to do, soldier. Get to it.

^Bump^

Where are you, rman? What's happening?

Great post Longhorn.

rman, you're going to be taking shot after shot from your WW and we're going to tell you to take them. They do it to all of us. It will be the worst stuff you've heard in your life.

You can find help and solidarity here, so keep coming back. We all survived it.

the same thing happened to me , after 3 months she came crying back so i took her back, she stays 6 months buys a new Mustang, gets my name on her $6000 credit card bill then splits and goes back to the other guy, now that will hurt you, and im stuck with the bill and the house. but keeps tellng me there just friebds, (sure they are) now i got to get out of this mess!!!!