I am new here.

Visitation has been very hard on my children. Step mom put bruises on my daughter a few weeks ago, and we allowed a cooling off time, and CPS intervention before visitation started again.

Well, visitation began again this weekend.

This is a man that four years later I am still having trouble with, still blames me, still makes my life ******.

He abused me in our marriage, it's why I kicked him out.

Daughter comes home last night and proceeds to ask me, "Why did you abuse daddy with words while you were married to him?"

She was five when we seperated. Not sure how much she remembers.

He has lied so many times about me to his wife, his kids, his family, it's unreal. It's like he has no clue, no ownership of his mistakes.........BUTTT.......he knows deep down what he did, and he knows I know. But to tell his daughter this, when I have never told them the extent of the abuse in their home, when we were married........I hate him.

But I am madder than ****** that he would point blank LIE to my daughter. Do I wait until she is older and show her the proof, the pictues, the arrest record?

After all this man has put me though, this really aggrivates the ****** out of me. When will it stop?

You do not show your daughter anything. This is her father whom she has a right to love.
Do you see a counselor? If so, please work with the counselor to "explain" the divorce to your child without blaming. If not, as a victim of abuse, why not? And see one to help you through the results of the D/M/ and abuse.
I know our local crisis center offers free counseling, particularly for victims of abuse, including verbal and emotional.

He's accusing you of verbal abuse. There's no way to counter this. There are things you can say that won't blame or hurt your daughter. Like "we see things differently".
Is your DD seeing a counselor? If not, she may need one. And there are kids support groups too. www.rainbows.org is a great one, and some Divorcecare groups have a kids session concurrently.

And it won't stop. He will always see things his way and you will always see things your way. How you deal with it with your daughter will be what is different.

There are many great books on coparenting post divorce, including Mom's House/Dad's house. I dont' know if there are any that specifically deal with Physical abuse, but check your local library.

Good luck.

We have done the counseling thing, plus two sessions of divorce care and kid care........

What makes me angry is I did not emotionally abuse him. He physically and emotionally abused me for years. I have never told the kids, never shared the extent of what occurred, my son remembers more because he was older, but I know my daughter doesn't remember.

It just seem so ironic that this is told to my daughter after his wife put bruises on her, they go to counseling, and then suddenly he wants to tell her I AM THE ABUSER????


I have taken the high road everytime, but maybe it's time for me to take a stand. I do not trash him to those kids never have, not at all........You made it sound like I do.

Why should I allow him to trash me to the kids and then always have to take the high road? I am SICK of him and his lies. Time they face facts.

I knew my post could have been interpreted differently. It was meant to help if you hadn't sought that help - I didn't know your story. I thought it was a vent - as it was.

I hate taking the high road. I hate picking up the kids when they have emotional outbursts about the divorce. The X's will never face the/our facts. Their facts/views are different from ours.

It is our job as parents to do the best we can do for our children, and protecting them by taking the high road is one of the best things we can do for them. (I'm not advocating lying, but merely not attacking or blaming).

Keep doing the right things for your and your kids. The payoff is internal, and in watching your children become the wonderful and amazing people that they are. And if we can raise them to be emotionally healthy, perhaps they will not make the same choices we made, and recognize abuse when they encounter it and run.

I think you absolutely should let her know that he physically abused you, and that he was arrested for it. (The pictures might give her nightmares). You should never lie to your kids; never hide the reason for divorce - doing so is a form of betrayal. In cases of physical abuse, it is all the more important, so that your daughter will be prepared to report to you any instance of physical abuse if he starts abusing her. Why doesn't he have supervised visitation? Why did the courts allow visitation after the stepmother beat her?

Your kids may love their father in spite of his faults, and that is fine - what they should not do is be deceived into thinking those faults do not exist, for then they are loving someone who is not real. When they find out, as they will, they will feel betrayed by both parents.