LOL! Just read my horoscope for the day.(yahoo horoscope) NOT the day to be conflict avoider. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You know the ostrich that sticks its head in the sand? Don't let that be you today. Pull yourself out of your self-imposed fog and face the issues you've been avoiding. What you don't realize is that they are pretty darn tiny. These are not mountains -- they are molehills! To get rid of them, all you need to do is take a deep breath, look them in the eye and speak the truth. Like the Wicked Witch of the West, they'll dissolve instantly in a poof of smoke. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Ready or not...Plan B here I come!

edited to add:
OMG I just read WH horoscope:
When the world rattles you a little too much today, feel free to crawl into your shell for a little quiet time. No one will be bothered if you pull back from the action, and you're way overdue for some introspection. It can be incredibly energizing to be alone with your thoughts -- even if the idea initially makes you uncomfortable. There's no need to be a hermit, just turn your phone off and pick up that book you've been trying to finish.

..."overdue for some introspection." Ya think!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Great horoscope- I will have to check mine out (what sign
are you ??) Sounds like a great day to go to Plan B with all
that "power" behind you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like your simple explanation to your kids should be
fine- and not "too much information" or anything they can
pass on to WH.

Good luck !
Slammed

CC,

Make sure you have plenty of support for the first few weeks of Plan B. Ensure your schedule is full and keep yourself busy to keep the focus off your WH.

Do you have any cloes friends or famliy that can help you through this time?

Hi CC,

I ditto HTW.

...and keep telling yourself: 'I can do this!' and 'I will be OK'!

...and EXPECT your WS not to like it!

((((((((((((((((((((CC)))))))))))))))))))))

Slammed,
I know horoscopes are vague and you can read into them what you want...but I believe the stars are aligned in my favor.
I'm aquarious and WH is gemini (so is OW their birthdays are 3 days apart)

HTW & CC
Yes I have a great support system. My parents have been tremendous, as well as my sister, I have friends in town to do things with and friends at work, long distance old college roommates and HS girlfriends (I'm a very likable kind of girl and I am FUN), even WH's family have offered support, WH's SIL is my intermediary.And of course all you MB friends who really "get it".

Tons of projects around the house and weekend getaways planned (with the kids and when he will have the kids). The wierd thing is that when I'm having a good time I am still wishing he was there to share it with me...I guess that will fade in time.

I'm praying he will HATE it...I'll be disappointed if he doesn't...initially.... I am looking forward to some peace.

Good luck C42, be strong, and use this time to enjoy all that life has to offer...eventually, it comes naturally because we all live to be happy!!

MWIL

Hi ChaCha,
My WH is Gemini also, as is his OW. (I'm a Libra)
I don't put big faith in horoscopes either, just fun to
read. When I like what is says, I choose to believe it,
and when it doesn't, I say they are full of B.S. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Hopefully mine will also foretell a good day for Plan B !

Glad you have great support and plans to keep you busy.
I have lots of friends around here but my best two friends
have lately been so busy and had their own issues going on
that we've not been able to get together or even talk much.
I rely on them, work and music group friends, my parents
(local, and very helpful) and my sister (on the east coast
but helpful via email and a psychologist so she has good
insight on WH's bipolar and other issues).

I am trying to make some weekend plans so I will be busy
and not have time to get too bummed. (ordinarily WH and I
would have went on a weekend trip in a mountain resort or
had a BBQ for the holiday).
There's plenty of housework, yardwork, some laundry and errands to do, but I also plan to rent some movies and get out with friends and parents.
I understand what you mean about having a good time but
still wishing H was there- I do the same thing !
Slammed

Slammed

Cha Cha, thanks for stopping by my thread. I like your name - my 3-year-old calls my mom Cha Cha (well he could not say "OBAHCHAN" when he was smaller and started calling his grandma Cha Cha, which I really like).

Gosh, you sound so strong and confident! I admire your positiveness. From what I hear, the beginning of Plan B can be tough emotionally, but I have a complete faith in you that you will do well.

Milk

I just did it I gave him the plan B letter. I feel like I'm gonna be sick, I can't stop shaking and crying....I feel like I just cut my right arm off. He just left I don't think he read it. I gave it to him in an envelope w/ other stuff.

I'mm gonna go turn off the phones and take a hot shower. I'll be back. STUPID ALIEN!!!

Usually Plan A does not work. So you have done the best thing for your marriage. Hope you will stay very dark.

CC, That must of been a very difficult thing to do. Just try to remember that this is the beginning of the rest of your life. If you WH decides to join you it will be on your terms now. If he doesn't, you will know you did everything possible to salvage your M.

Remember that Plan B is ALL about YOU now. Do whatever you must to ensure you do things for YOU.

One of the memebers here has a signature that says:

"Living well is the best revenge"

In my opinion, that saying sums up Plan B perfectly. Not that we want revenge on our WS, but living well shows the WS that we will be fine, that we will make it, that we don't need them in our life to make us happy.

So do EVERYTHING for you and your kids now.

And please, please, please STAY DARK!

keep us posted!

ChaCha - cannot offer you anything other than sympathy. Wishing you strength.

(((((ChaCha)))))

You always sound so strong. I know you will get through this. Keep us updated and stay strong!

I feel better. I talked to my Mom, took a hot shower exfoliated, shaved and lotioned up, I got my comfy PJ's on, I even took some nyquil just in case I can't sleep.

Whew...all that pent up anxiety and anticipation...I'm looonng overdue for plan B. I turned the ringers off on house phone and turned my cell off.

I'll post details tomorrow. Thanks to all of you for comfort and support. May this blessing be returned upon you.

Plan B is extremely difficult at first. You will find a thousand reasons to talk to him. The best thing is to stay very dark. My WH tried to contact me constantly for the first week. Then I didn't hear from him for 4 months, when he wanted to move back in (still with contact with OW).

{{c42}}

No attempts of contact so far. I don't even know if he read it yet...or maybe he did and is respecting my wishes.

Believer...you were right about resisting reasons to contact him. Got phone call DS13 has an unscheduled baseball game tonight...it may be the last of the season (I thought they were done!) or they may enter tournament. WH does not know about the game. Do I notify him about the game? The kids will tell him and he might show up.

I'm in new territory in plan B...I don't want to see him. I was thinking of calling my SIL (intermediary) having her tell him about the game and find out if he plans on going. If so I will stay away and he can drop DS off after the game. If they are in tournament then we can take turns going.

I guess when SIL calls him she can ask if he read my letter...if he has not he will be confused.

Right answer?? Please advise...I've waited so long for plan B I don't want to mess it up.

Or do I not even tell him about the game?

bump to page 1

Looking for plan B advice

Hi {{{ChaCha}}}

I want to comfort you and cheer you on (YOU GO GIRL!! AND THEN GO SOME MORE!!!) ...I feel like I'm getting close to implementing a plan B myself. Your situation sounds similar to mine.

I imagine when, and if I probably have to go to a plan B (and I too kinda can't wait)... I will also feel like I just cut off a limb, however a gangrenous one.

I'm proud of you. Stay strong.

I don't know what to say about the game...I'm wondering about how I will handle stuff like that too...I don't want to have contact with him once it starts, if it starts. Personally, I wouldn't tell him anything in anyway through anyone. NC means NC in my book. If he misses a game or something in his children's life...well then tough. It looks like if he doesn't want to miss anything in the future, he'll have to set up some better communication with his children and be more responsible and proactive with them!

I for one find myself filling in all the gaps and holes whenever I find one...let them feel like swiss cheese for a change!! Isn't that what we want? Why show him common courtesy when he is a WS?

I've read that you'll think of 1,000 reasons to contact your WS in plan B, especially in the beginning. All I can say is resist. I hope someone tells me this when I'm where you are though...I know it is hard.

Perhaps I shouldn't give advice...but sometimes I repeat a mantra to help me get through a trying moment or moments in my day...like; Now it is my time, I know I can, If it is to be it is up to me, I'm a positive role model for child's name, God is my shepard, I'm good enough and I deserve(d) better, God grant me peace.

Call a friend, take a shower, go to the library or grocery store, take a walk. I have so many girlfriends now...I'm so lucky...I used to be shy...I've learned you get back what you put in, and so much more. My point is you could nurture a new/old friendship. Plan things. I wouldn't keep thinking about it. Just decide NC and then drop it.

I'm not into bashing my WS and feeding feelings of anger and hurt...I (like you) love my WS...I know he is lost...but we must do what is healthy, and this actually could be healthy for them too!

"This hurts me more than it hurts you" applys here I think. In a way I think by having NC you really are giving a gift of sorts...it isn't easy they should know that and I bet they do.

Take Care and Pamper Yourself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Strongest

NOPE!

Let him miss this game to really make the point of the PLAN B LETTER...

Also, I would not have SIL to ask him if he has read the letter.

He certainly has read it and who's to say that he would tell your SIL the truth about this.

REMEMBER DARK, DARK, DARK....