The WS becomes like an addiction to the BS...especially us helper types...it's hard for us to just let it go...isn't there something we can do??? NO! Nothing we can do right now. Save your strength for recovery...

I like that mindless thing...solve a crossword or soduku puzzle, get together with friends and DO NOT talk about your WH. This will be hard for about 2 weeks until you ge thte addiction out of your system. You have been in marriage-crisis mode so long, it's hard to let go...but it's time to take a break, let the A die a natural death, and preserve your love and stregth...you WILL need it later!

Did the drop off. I'm gonna have to have another talk w/DD11. She was trying everyway she could think of to get WH and I in the same place at the same time. kind of like the "parent trap". I have told her flat out "I do not want to see or talk to Daddy."

Hi ChaCha -

Was reading you while I was at work today! I hoped too that your WS was different than all the others.......They do try every trick in the book to get you to break Plan B. Mine has obviously gotten me out of my Dark Plan B several times. When mine first talked to me about reconciling, he too threw out the "let's move somewhere else" thing......

He said everything to make it appear that he was ready, but couldn't come through with a No Contact letter.

Hope you had a great day!

Kim

Hi Kim, Thanks for stopping by! Funny how WS can show a little effort when they think the cake is gone. Too bad its not sincere and long lasting yet. I guess I just gotta take it day by day. So far today has been good. I slept in late, did some stuff around the house.

I am going to take a ride down to Trump's casino in Atlantic City tonight. Maybe I'll be lucky down there.
I'll play a quarter for y'all if I hit the big one I'll throw a big MB party and fly everybody in.

edited to add: not THAT kind of lucky...I'm going w/ my parents.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Well I didn't hit the big jackpot at the casino!

I donated my $20 to Donald Trump had a couple cosmo's and a nice dinner (all comps my parents had). I had some mindless fun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Cha Cha,

Glad ya had fun tonight but I was sure counting on ya hitting the big jackpot.... lol

You are sounding good girl. So ya slipped in planb but now yu know i tcan't happen again..... Listen to the voice of planb screw ups here, it will work against you..... lol

Take Care,

Hurting

CC, how do you feel in the early stages of Plan B? On my thread you mentioned how removing yourself form the daily torture helped reduce the need for the fantasy of an OP. Did you find this was the case with you?

What kind of timeframe have you laid your for Plan B?

I don't think I can give you to much help right now since I'm trying to deal with my own issues...sorry!

HTW

UUUUggggghhhhh just lost my post!@!!

When he is not around and its me and the kids...I feel good, relaxed most of the time. When something breaks or I have to do something that has been his domain at first I get a little anxious, but after I take care of it...there a boost of confidence.

Yes being away from the daily stress has reduced my need for fantasy OP. I don't need to escape from the stress because its not there or at least its not the torture of living w/ someone the ignores your existance. I feel human not like a piece of "furniture" or an servant.


I am going to re-evaluate in 3 months and take it from there. I have a feeling its going to take me awhile to settle into this.


Sometimes I think thats the best time to help. It helps bring things into perspective and avoid getting caught up in a spiral. I appreciate your support and I will continue to support you.

Ok I just lost a really long detailed post about plan B trouble I had Sunday.

The short version. Plan B was broken again. I was babysitting at my SIL's (for 5 kids, 1 of my own) WH comes back unexpectedly 2 hours early. DD dragged her feet leaving.

I ended up crying in the car w/ the kids driving home...explained to them to see or talk to WH hurts and causes me pain. I set boundaries w/ them about trying to get WH together.

I figure instead of trying to restate my boundaries to WH I have to show him by example. I can't control him but I can control myself.

Wow that was way shorter than my original post. It was catharetic to get it out the 1st time though! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just read my horoscope again! I think there must be a MB link somewhere. The heavens are on line! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

from yahoo.com

Every choice you've made in the past has helped create the wonderful person you are, so be proud of the lessons you've learned. Show that pride by sticking to your guns and living up to the reputation you've created. People always rely on you to do the right thing, and that's an incredibly valuable (and flattering) position to be in. Don't dilute your point of view to appease other, more powerful people. They'll respect you all the more for being true to yourself -- and that's the goal.

WH is in Indiana on business this week. He called the kids last night....I went outside to check the pool pump so I would be out of earshot. I've recovered from Sunday's siting. It strikes me strange how just 2 days ago I was crying because I just wanted him so badly...and today I'm feeling more detached and thinking about a life without that really doesn't seem bad at all.

I find myself wondering "Why do I even bother?" then I figure I have nothing to lose and everything to gain either way this goes. So "why not just sit tight? and follow through on plan B?" The only thing I'd be doing differently if I chose plan D would be paying a lawyer. My day to day life would be as it is now. I'm in NO rush to date.

And if it does come to D...now that he is out of the house...I think I'll let him do the paperwork.

Gotta go get ready for my golf lesson! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi ChaCha,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
.....then I figure I have nothing to lose and everything to gain either way this goes. So "why not just sit tight? and follow through on plan B?" The only thing I'd be doing differently if I chose plan D would be paying a lawyer. My day to day life would be as it is now. I'm in NO rush to date.

And if it does come to D...now that he is out of the house...I think I'll let him do the paperwork.

Gotta go get ready for my golf lesson!
-----------------------------------------------------------

Just wanted you to know that I think THIS is a good frame of mind to be in when in PLAN B...... I talked to a friend last week who was 'there' for me a year ago....to help pick up the pieces......

You know what I noticed? ....exactly one year later..... in a good lengthy conversation with him.... the subject of WS didn't even come up!

Yes..... trying to fill WS's shoes as far as 'doing' what WS used to do can at first be overwhelming.... my trick is to 'break it down' as much as I can..... getting advice... and then... just be proud of myself for getting it DONE, or be humble enough to ask for help, or 'hire' help!

A WS knows our weak spots.....PLAN B is to stop a WS from manipulating a BS for selfish ends! I see it as I protection tool ....until.....

While in PLAN B, at least for me, the trick is to ACT as if WS will not come back..... until CONCRETE evidence of his committment to family is clearly shown: the first obvious one, as you know by now, is the N/C with OW.... to even have you SIT at the table and be open for discussions!

My WS on a regular basis needs to 'test' me on how serious I am about not seeing or talking to him....until A is terminated... and, because I am not in any real contact with him (only info. re boys and finances) on the odd occasion I do wonder how things are between WS and OW..... if he is still in lalaland or if reality is starting to hit them yet or not..... but it doesn't really matter... WS knows where he can 'look me up' and what he needs to do... like yours.....

...so, the challenge...as you can see...is how not to succumb to WS's attempts to 'break' PLAN B without meeting the conditions of PBL...

....as you have heard it said here sometimes, PLAN B can be seem as a 'relief'.....when the other option is to be part of a 'triangle'...YEAK!

SIL #2 and 2 nieces will be visiting tonight.We'll go out to dinner and catch up on some things they live about 4 hours away. They are in the area visiting friends. Youngest BIL & SIL lived with us for about a year when they 1st got married. I'm very close to my BILs & SILs. If we get D that will be kind of weird. I am probably closer to them then WH but you know what they say about blood being thicker.

I forgot that tomorrow I will be going into the city (Phila) to see a show with some friends. That should be fun.

Golf lessons are going well (they're free 1x/week w/county park services). I can drive the ball straight and I get some nice air...now I'm working on distance...can't seem to hit past 100. I was trying to picture WH or OW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> as the golfball to hit it harder...didn't work. I seem to hit better when I'm not thinking about ANYTHING. That in itself is a nice break. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



Luna I agree with this whole heartedly! Its really not much to ask. I don't want to ever deal w/ OW again. There is no part in my life for her. To ask him to not have contact w/ the woman he had an affair with....duh!!! "oh, but we could be just friends.We made a mistake." Sure you could...I won't be around to see it though. Nope..I will not be second fiddle ever again. I am a soloist!

I had another job interview this morning. Its w/ a small school district they want to hire a RN for 1:1 coverage w/a 10yr old autisic student. Full time 10 month position full benefits...no summers...no holidays...no weekends. It maybe able to help me transition into the schoolnurse position (she is retiring after next year). It would be a pay cut, and not real secure since the immediate job is base on one student.....but the long term benefits...of schoolnurse...I love working w/ kids. I've done substitute schoolnurse and loved it. Thought of the changes I would make.

If my M were secure I would jump on it...but its not. But if I don't get the job I interviewed for last week its an option.

Its been a dark week so far this week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Great job staying dark ChaCha. Has your WH tried to contact you anymore that you are aware of?

Goodluck on the job prospects. I'll keep you in my prayers.

He has been out of state on business this week so its MUCH easier...he calls the kids every day sometimes a couple times a day but I see who it is on caller ID and don't pick up. The kids have been good about leaving the room when they talk to him.

He wants to take them out to dinner Sat. since he hasn't seen them this week. I will make sure I am gone when he gets there and I won't come back until after he leaves. The kids are 11 & 13...old enough to stay home alone for a few minutes.

That definately makes it easier. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just got home from seeing "Menapause" (musical comedy). I went with a group of 10 "girls". OMG we had such a good time.....laughed and laughed (especially since I'm the youngest of the crew). We even got pulled up on stage and we were the front row of "high"kicks.

WH called my cell during show...I didn't answer he didn't leave a message.

They say laughter is the best medicine...I got a good dose tonight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WH flies in tonight. Both of the kids have dances and are having friends sleepover. Should be fun.