ChaCha,

Definately sounds like your WH does not care for plan B. Good!!! Keep up the good work and keep it dark.

I think the Harley's have a radio show on Thursdays, maybe you could call in!!!?

The radio show...I guess I could try...it might be tricky at work...I'll have to check the time.

Early this morning WH called the house wanted to know when commencement was for DS 8th grade graduation. He told me a month ago he took off that day...whatever. DS spoke with him and told him time and date.

On my way home DS called and said WH just called from work he was going to come down tonight. DS offered to call him back and tell him it was not a good night. I thanked DS for the offer but told him I didn't want to put him in the middle of it. I called my SIL (intermediary) and had her call WH and tell him that the kids and I had plans tonight and the kids would not be available. She said he sounded mad and said "Fine! I won't go down."

The kids and I went out and rented movies, stopped and got Father's Day cards and gifts. I only bought for MY Dad. The kids got for WH and 2 Grandpa's. They got WH his favorite nuts and a gift card for McDonald's (seems he eats there a lot these days). On the way home we stopped at the free concert in the park. No sign of WH.

My parents are taking my kids to the dentist tomorrow about 3 hours away (My BIL is the dentist...my sister's H) so they won't be back until tomorrow night. I'll be going to a jewlry demo at a neighbors house after work.

My last golf lesson is next week. A friend from work and I are thinking of finding a belly dancing class...sounds like fun!

Hi Cha Cha!

Just seeing how you are doing. You are doing a great job!! Keep it up..........

The belly dancing sounds fun! Check in with SadMommy - she belly dances!

Kim

bump

Its been quite on the homefront. WH picked up the kids without incident yesterday. I went out to dinner last night and shopping after and then went over a friend's house for a fire, wine and good company. I had planned to work outside today but it is too dang hot....so I ended up shopping again (didn't find anything last night)I hit paydirt today. I've talked to the kids a couple times.

I'm trying to plan ahead for plan B breech. I'm thinking of telling WH I have an appt w/ SH Tuesday morning and if he is serious about getting his family back he should be available to participate in that meeting. Whatta ya think?

edited to clarify:I'm not planning to breech plan B...I won't mention the appt if plan B remains intact.

Don't break Plan B even for an appointment with SH. You need to stay dark. Later, when he comes around, you can mention counseling.

Thanks Believer I have no intention of breaking plan B. I was trying to think what I would do if he showed up w/ a NC letter tomorrow.... very little chance of that happening.

Haha. I doubt that he will right now. You are much too early in Plan B. Think of it like this - everytime you let him break Plan B and get his Cha-cha fix, you are helping the OW.

I know we are way early...especially every time he got a ChaCha...we had to start over. Kind of like Candyland you think you are making progress and you end up back in the mudpit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Sometimes I question why I want this marriage to work. Sometimes I think about just calling my lawyer and telling her to file the paperwork and get it over with.

I thought about that alot. But our kids are grown. You have young ones to consider. So hang in there. The chances are very good for your marriage if you just ENDURE.

Thanks Believer for being here to talk to tonight.
I've been trying not to have hopeful thoughts about my M. Its easier for me to stay dark, when I believe he doesn't love me and that I should just move on a make a life without him. There are actually times when I don't think of him at all.

That is the beauty of Plan B. Have you seen the article about ENDURING?

No

Well, you might want to read the whole thing on American Values.org. But here is a piece of it.

The Future of Unhappy Marriages
With the important exception of helping spouses escape violent marriages, divorce typically failed to deliver the promised psychological benefits for adults. Five years later, unhappily married adults who divorced or separated were, on average, no happier, no less depressed, had no higher self-esteem, no greater sense of personal mastery, and showed increased alcohol use compared to unhappily married adults who stayed married. Almost two-thirds of unhappy spouses who stuck with the marriage forged happy marriages down the road. Of course, these averages likely conceal important individual variation and further research is needed to determine under what circumstances divorce boosts or depresses adult well-being.

Americans have many goals for their own marriages and those of others: We want marriage to last, we want children to enjoy living with their own two married parents, we want these marriages to be happy, and we don’t want unhappily married people trapped in miserable lives. Over the past 40 years, Americans have increasingly viewed these goals as in conflict: We fear discouraging divorce lest we create lasting marriages at the high cost of individual misery — almost certainly for adults and often for the children.

This, the first full-scale study of the relationship between divorce and personal happiness for unhappily married adults, casts deep doubt, from an empirical standpoint, on this conventional wisdom. Does divorce typically make unhappily married people happier than staying married? No. Does a firm commitment to staying married, even though unhappy, typically condemn adults to lifelong misery? No.

What are the implications of this finding? Is divorce always wrong and staying married always right? We cannot draw so simplistic a conclusion. What we do know is this: Both divorce and marriage initiate complex chains of events whose outcomes cannot be predicted with certainty at the outset. Marriages are not happy or unhappy — spouses are. And with the passage of time, the feelings of spouses about their marriages can and do change. The bad marriage and the good marriage are not always fixed opposites, but the same marriage at two different points in time (or in the eyes of two different spouses). Divorce may make an unhappy spouse happier, but there is no guarantee (and much doubt) that it will. If marriage is no panacea, neither is divorce.

Marital stability and marital quality are not the opposites we have assumed. On the contrary, they serve to reinforce one another. Both people and marriages are likely to be happier in communities with a strong commitment to marital permanence. While some marriages are so destructive that divorce or separation is the best outcome, marriages are more likely to be both happy and stable when marriage is highly valued — a key relation in whose success family, friends, faith communities, counselors, family-law attorneys, and the wider society have an important stake.

When they asked people how they made it through, the successful ones said that they endured.

....a NC letter!!!!!

WH brought the kids home unexpectedly today. He walked into the kitchen I had just gotten out of the pool, he commented that he liked my new bathingsuit (no bikini..I am no where near a skinny-mini). He said "Please don't leave... stay here." I told him I couldn't stay, I didn't want to see him or talk to him. Again he asked me to please stay. I asked him what he had done to get rid of OW. (This is where he usually side tracks me and won't answer) He said "I called her a told her not to call me or email me or anything that we couldn't be friends with her it wouldn't work and I want to rebuild my family." I stood there and looked at him...in shock. Then he said I'll do whatever you want I'll put it in writing if you want. I said "yes that would mean a lot to me." I went out to the pool to supervise the kids. 15 minutes later he came out and handed me the following.

OW,
I am writing this letter to let you know that I will be attempting to rebuild my family. In order for me to accomplish this please do not try to contact me. I will also not contact you.
Please respect my wishes in this matter.

WH
(with is signature)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

so did you send it????

Wow, great news Cha-cha!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ask him to specifically include a reference YOU..not just his family.

Otherwise, GREAT NEWS!!!