Thanks for checking in guys. I'm still in shock...I keep reading it over and over to be sure its real. All his words, I didn't coach him at all. I haven't mailed it yet. I have an appt w/ SH tomorrow and wanted to talk about the best way to do it. I want to come up w/ a plan on how to proceed. I like the suggestion InaDaze got about making a list of expectations. I'll talk to Steve about it.

This time was different then any other time over the last 2 yrs that WH made any noises about reconcilliation. No demands. No excuses. His eyes were clear. Not the vacant look of an alien. I hope I never see that look again.

I am cautiously optimistic...I want to do this right.

Oops. Forgot you were talking to Steve. That's the thing to do. Get his direction. Let us know what he says.

Wow! I've been reading about your situation and I am so happy for you. Excellent news. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Cha Cha I am so happy for you. I am not surprised your WH wrote the NC letter. From everything you have said he does love his wife and kids and that is where he wants to be. The fog was just too thick for a while for him to see it! I am so happy you are talking with Steve tomorrow. He will guide you into doing the right thing. Keep us posted!

This is great news and he wrote the NC letter on his own even. Remember actions speak volumes and writing that letter own his own should tell you he is serious.

I would still be cautious and protect yourself against a false recovery. You are in good hands with Steve so follow his adivce.

I believe your Plan B is forcing your WH to respet you and that is an attractive quality. Please stay strong and show your WH that you are different now. At some point you will have to lower your wall to facilitate recovery with your WH.

I told you that I think the trend on MB is changing towards recoveries <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We had a bad streak for several months now dazed, Mywife and hopefully you will be next.

I'm pulling for your honey!

HTW

That is sooooo wonderful! I'm looking forward to hearing more good news in the future!

I'm praying that what HTW said is true! I would love to see more recoveries!! I've had to rely on actions and not words too!

{{{{Cha Cha}}}}

I had my sesssion w/ SH this morning so of course I've been super busy at work and unable to post.

The session went well. He said the NC letter WH wrote was fine, and was big points that he did it on his own. Although the NC is a symbol of hope the real points are earned when WH follows thru and does not have contact w/ OW.
He advised to discuss and then send NC letter to OW a few days later call OWH and make him aware of what was sent and reinforce to him that we are working on our M. Make the conversation very short. OW & OWH are part of the past and have no place in our future or recovery.


For the immediate future...the next couple of weeks I can see and communicate w/WH as I see fit and continue to keep my gaurd up a little. We can talk about present and future but not about the past or marital issues.
We are building a safe environment so when it is time to work on issues we will be more comfortable. He said initially discussions about M issues should be done w/ 3rd party facilitator. That if we tried to handle it on our own we couldn't help but get defensive and that would be counterproductive. WH would get angry, I would be hurt and that safety net would be snatched away.

I sent WH an email stating before he moved home I wanted him to speak w/ SH at least once.

So I am optimistically cautious...we can go to DS graduation together and we are allowed to spend time together. We have a movie date Friday night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...babysteps.

Remain STILL.....prepare for the worst....hope for the best...needs to be part of the BS's montra.

Good luck, my dear!
MWIL

ChaCha,

Sorry I have been out of touch for a few days. I updated my thread, had another d-day of sorts.

I am so happy for you!!!!! This is such great news.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

Thank you for the support guys. I know this is just the beginning. I believe OW will continue to try and contact WH my hope is he will tell me when she does. Seeing the situations here w/ some very respected FWS well into recovery get sucked into contact because they think its safe.

We had a good night tonight. DS had 8th grade promotion ceremony tonight. I was late getting out of work. WH was here early so he was able to get the kids there and save seats. When I arrived he was sitting right next to my mom & dad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />. I'm sure it must have been awkward for them.

WH and I took the kids to Friendly's (along w/everyother kid in my son's grade.) We had pleasant conversation. When it got to ordering ice cream my DD wanted a "Happy Endings" Sundae. As she was talking about it I was thinking to myself a "Happy Ending" sounds really good. AT THAT SAME TIME WH looks directly at me smiling and said "I like happy endings. Happy ending sounds really good...just what we need." We use to do that a lot...say what the other was thinking. So much so people use to hate playing games w/us. It was a cool moment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Could be me wishful thinking too, reading more into it.

We didn't get a chance to discuss my session w/ SH.

I have vacation scheduled 7/8-7/16, we have to request summer vacation months in advance. WH has a business trip scheduled for Puerto Rico 7/17-7/22. He asked me to go on the trip w/ him. I told I couldn't reschedule my approved time off. Tonight he told me he rescheduled the trip 7/10-7/12 and then a few days later in the month. So it looks like if all goes well I may fly off to Puerto Rico for a couple days. Thats cool.

I feel kind of weird posting "good" stuff. There is so much pain and confusion w/ so many of us. I figured I've been there too...the crisis...the chaos. No sleeping. No keeping food down. Crying myself to sleep and wishing I didn't have to wake up. The nights waiting and wondering. The panic attacks...the lies.

I post here to bare witness that we do get through it...survive and even thrive. Until a couple of days ago I didn't think WH would ever come around...he surprised me out of the blue. A pleasant surprise but still...I would be ok if he hadn't. The jury is still out. I think of us as hopeful...I don't think of us as being in recovery.

My question is....Does it make you guys uncomfortable? Should I post on a different board like the recovery board?

ChaCha- not at all baby! It's great to hear there's good times and bad times. It helps us all get through the worst times to hear that a family member if for only a day or two (hopefully more than that) is doing well! I know I rejoice with others when they've had good things happen, and it inspires me. However, I have had the same feeling, posting my own little pleasure and happiness, but that what it takes. We all learn from each other! Someone else may be in your shoes some day and from reading your posts will not have to question what they should do, forward progress may come a little quicker in some way for them.

I try to keep all my post in one location, even though I consider myself still new! Don't you remember our parents harping on us as kids, "I hope you can learn from my mistake!" LOL It's all part on the process!

Best wishes!

CC, Absolutely NOT!

Please continue to post hear since it gives many of us BS a glimpse of recovery with or without the WS. Your continued posting of your story gives many hope that MB principles do work, that we can get better with time and by looking deep within ourselves.

Knowing that your WH and Mywife's WW have been affected by Plan A and B is an incredible motivator for people like me. Yes I would like to be closer to where you are than in my current situation. But hearing that your WH wants to come back after all the sleepless nights and hopeless days is encouraging to us BS's.

Believe me there are times when I would like to committ the mother of all LB'ers and I always think of MB and how the principles here have worked for many.

Remember how you described your WH's "dead eyes" and how you never thought you would see his real eyes again. I know that feeling and hearing that it can happen gives me hope.

We need to hear more of the success stories in my opinion.

HTW

Thanks guys. You know it kind of feels like I grew up here. I could move to a new neighborhood and make new friends but then I'd have to start over from the beginning.

I get encouraged by success stories but I also have to admit when I was really down and in a bad place, I felt almost jealous of those who were doing well. I don't want to want to rub salt in anyone's wound.

Cha Cha- have no fear, you are not doing that and if someone feels that way, that is their problem not your's. They will need to OWN that feeling. It's that all a part of growing?

My .02!

Have a great day!

ChaCha,

I am so happy for you. see good things do happen to good people.

Also don't stop posting here we all need to see the good stuff happen to give us all hope .......


Hurting

Please keep posting, it does give others (such as myself) hope. I don't want to hear only the bad stuff! :-)

Personally I find the good stuff more helpful than the bad stuff. Meaning that it gives me hope that it can all work out for me since I've seen what others have gone and are going through. So please don't stop posting.

Ok I'll keep posting...thanks again.
When I talked to SH the other days I told him that if it wasn't for MB I'd be crazy and divorced by now. I also told him how you guys gave me he// for breaking plan B. He said"Good, they did the right thing! The folks on that board have a good grasp of the concepts." So kudos to all of you!!! From the man himself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

DD fell tonight while she was out playing and hurt her arm. She was complaining of an achy pain inside her arm. I called WH to let him know and that I didn't think it was broken if she continued to complain of the same pain I would take her for x-rays. (I think she's fine we wrapped in an ace and applied ice and she uses it when she doesn't think of it.)

When I was talking to him I told him we were going out to dinner w/ my mom & dad. He said "Too bad they didn't go w/ us last night." I explained that I had talked to my mom about it and w/ my dad being diabetic and my mom on weight watchers they would pass on the icecream place. His voice sounded odd, distant... kind of foggy. I don't know if its guilt or what...but my fog radar is up. He had always been close to my mom and dad...I know they miss him but are upset w/him at the same time. Its hard.

Hi ChaCha,

I am glad to hear your WS's fog may be lifting....keep us posted here, please.....I for one don't really read the other sections...so we would certainly be wondering how you were doing.... on the other hand....I can see how 'others' in recovery may be helpful to you.... well..... you will just have to post in two sections, then!

Maybe I missed it....but is your WS prepared to speak with SH?