Hi AGG,

As a habitual lurker I've vicariously enjoyed your relationship with G along with everyone else. However one thing I've been wondering is how will go the conversation where you tell her about the running commentary here on the relationship? I mean...won't that be a huge privacy issue? Obviously you can't just 'not mention' it...but by the time you do, will it be a huge LB for her? I just know I'd feel a bit uncomfortable with a BF putting intimate details of our budding relationship out there without my knowledge.

LSNE

You didn't post to me, but I think in the beginning, AGG received some helpful tips from folks about several things: whether never-married 40 somethings can possibly be good dating material (yes they can). And, AGG was about to end things once and many of his cyberbuddies urged him to hang around. There is no reason to hurry to either break something off or to get married. Why would that bother his GF?

When my marriage was blowing up, I told my H about people on here who had recovered marriages despite As, pg OWs, STDs and other issues that seem insurmountable to most. What I didn't tell him was that I hadn't been able to find anyone w/all 3 (there were actually two pregnancies, one OC and a incurable STD, but who's counting now?). He knew I posted here and was free to read if he wanted.

I had started to reply also, but felt I shouldn't as post wasn't directed at me, but now since the door has been opened......

I wanted to say, *possibly*, AGG may be a private person [in life] and doesn't want to share his private thoughts with a friend/family [possibly out of respect for G and anyone the would come to know her] and can do so here anonymously.

Karona

Yeah, that too. Nice post Karona.

LSNE,

Thanks for addressing this to me, and I must say that this question has occurred to me in the past. I do describe some very private aspects of our relationship here, and I do not necessarily expect that G would be thrilled if she read all my postings here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

I guess that when we first post here about someone we met, it is not a problem, because this new person is just a "date", and there is no relationship with them. So, we post here with the usual questions and concerns (or even just with giddiness <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ), to get some other points of view from the fellow posters. I always am curious to see what others think, as I don't think I have all the answers, and I do enjoy looking at differing points of view.

At some point, though, things do cross into the "relationship" territory, and then the question comes up - should the new partner be advised of our postings here?

I guess this question applies to anyone who has shared their stories here, and I would be curious to get others' opinions as well - is it disrespectful or dishonest for us to post here about our dating, without showing the postings to the person we're dating?

I believe the answer would be "yes" if we were speaking about a spouse (the obvious rule of Honesty), but at which point of a relationship does it apply to someone we are merely dating? Good question <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

[color:"purple"]Well I've been posting about BF for two years now. Poor guy. I guess it may be better that I vent here and feel better rather than venting at him. Although my boss told me today that he would rather be direct - and almost in the same breath said that it was nearly impossible at work...

Anyway BF knows that I read a marriage site - heck I've even given him the Four Gifts book. I'm sure it would not occur to him that I posted about him here, but if it did, I might be embarrassed or shamed if it really upset him.

I really admire people that are able to keep all their private business private, but I did not come from a normal family background and don't always know how to assess some situations.

I don't know but I think the embarrassment would be more because I couldn't talk to him directly about a painful subject than that I've disclosed secrets. His secrets are mostly safe - at least the most embarrassing ones.

I've posted about his not kissing me much (still doesn't), friends coming over (they don't as much), thrifty nature (no he still doesn't spend money on me), and stuff like that. We eventually have talked about everything if not necessarily resolved the issues.

I haven't seen a couple that came here and together posted and worked on the marriage. A lot of times the posts seem to anger the other partner - probably because they ARE in fact one sided...

V.[/color]

Well, that's pretty much what I was thinking <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. While it's nice to be able to post anonymously, that's a little different to (possibly from her point of view) finding out your relationship details have been put online and the subject of intense interest and discussion, without your knowledge.


Yes, that's exactly it - I've been continually half expecting you to come on and say, "Sorry guys, I know you're interested, but I don't think it's appropriate I give so much detail now that things are so serious." KWIM?

I had visions of you saying to G, "Hey, there's this really cool website with excellent relationship stuff on it, but....um....well....our whole history is on there." Lol! Either that or her cruising the site and going, "EEEEEEKKKK! That's me/AGG!!!" and things getting very messy thereafter.

I hope I'm not coming across as critical - I'd just hate to see it become a problem for you and G. You do know you're kinda the poster couple here? Lol!

LSNE <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi SunnyVA,

I guess I'm feeling concerned for AGG because we've all been observing from the sidelines right from the start, and to me at least, I can see the time will come where he will probably want to share this site and MB principles with G. I can't see that he'd let her loose on the site without giving her a heads-up about his posts. I'm not as familiar with or invested in your situation (although I sure feel for you!), but I guess your situation appears different to me in that your bf doesn't *seem* the type to want to come on here and learn and maybe become involved. (No disrespect intended, just my perspective <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

I hear you on the non-normal background - same here. I often really have to think on things to work out what's going on, what's a reaction from my childhood stuff, and what's really the healthy way to deal with the matter. And like you say, sometimes you gotta canvass opinions on whether you're reading the sitch right in the first place. It's great to have MB everyone else here as a resource.

LSNE

hope you don't mind me being curious... why did you stop writing about your relationship?

Right, I understand <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Like I said in other post, I don't know where to draw that line between simply discussing a new relationship with a bunch of online friends and when it becomes "talking behind the back" of a partner.

I guess I expect that if things continue to progress, that eventually I will have to either stop posting about "us", or will have to clue her in on my postings - yikes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />. I just don't know when that will be.


Hehe, thank you - and no, I don't see this as criticism, it's a very valid question, which, like I said, applies to most everyone who posts about their relationships here.

AGG

Hey LSNE,

Ya gotta email me! I lost your email addy.

Symphonyol@yahoo.com