I am so confused. Our family survived an infidelity of my h. 10 years ago, but I could not forget that and I was reminding him about that all these 10 years almost every day. For last two years I been so crazy that I was checking personal emails and phone calls, calling work few times a day, was having a fight all the time when my h. would go and see friends. I start doing that because he revealed some email conversation with another woman, because he did not wanted for me to find out about it from different sources. After that he stopped emailing and we moved to a different place. He is a people person and you can say attractive, so he always has female friends. As soon as he mentions someone elses name I go nuts. So he stopped telling me about his friends at work., and He warned me to stop checking at him and reminding him about what he has done years ago, otherwise he would just do it again, because he tired of listening. I tried to stop, but I could not, because I felt something is coming up. I was right or not, but it did happen. For about a month he was misleading me and coming home drunk. He told me about A. when he stopped. He stopped himself. He told me that he does not want to ruin our relationhip and what we have together because of it.
I do not know what to do now. I saw a counselor one time and she introduced me to co-dependency, that is how I found out that I am a co-dependent.I read a book " Suriviving an Infidelity" by Dr. Harley, but still I am confused. Sometimes I want to run away from him as far as possible, but I can not. I tried to leave him, but he called and I really can not. He says all the time that he loves me and I suspect that I do to. We have sex every night now as we did befre, we talk, but I do not feel a connection between us.
So, as you can see total mess. Now on top of everythink I found a friend who I meet once an a while. I only kissed him a couple times, and we hugged. I know it is wrong, and probably it is cheating as well. I told my friend that we only friends from now on, but everytime I see him tries to hug me or kiss. I am going to see him one more time one on one, and I promised myself that is it. I am not in love with him or anything like that. It just I think I am mad and he was there. I am posting this because deep inside I love my h., but I need an adives on how to overcome this A., even thought he is saying that I has done nothing wrong, and he just could handle the stress at work and got into drinking and here ago it happen. He took the person with him to a different city just as a friend ( according to him), but they got drunk and had s. After that he was continuing on seeing the person for a month at the local bar (they worked together), and I do not know what ...
Is anybody has experienced this before? Is it possible to survive this? Is it my fault?
