Hello I emotionally cheated 3 times over 11 years each for a few months, but the last one was for a year and she was a stalker, I did not know how to get rid of her, I am now in proceedings for a retraining order, My wife at the middle of last month took out an order of protection against me so I can not talk or see her or my kids and now has filed for divorce on grounds of adultery, I have never physically cheated on my wife, I have also never looked for another woman, but I am weak and when approached it made me feel wanted, something I missed, I have since had no contact with the other woman, I will do anything to get my wife back I have suggested counseling, etc.. I am in therapy once a week to fix me, and in turn be better for her. I love my wife dearly I know she loves me but she is just so hurt about this, to the point where she has had me arrested for violation of the order of protection 2 times. I will do anything any to get her back does anyone have any suggestions?

I also wanted to add we have two children and I have started a blog for her to know my feelings about all this and I have apologized over and over again, I have stopped lieing and stoped seeing the other woman, the other woman made up emails and lies to break up our marriage, I have emails to me that say she is sorry for lieing to my wife, I am so heart broken over all this, its difficult to do anything, all I do is think of ways to get her back in my life.

Well, you're going to have to PROVE to her...not tell her...PROVE to her that you're not going to do this again. Bluntly, right now you can't prove to YOURSELF that you're not going to do it again.

Time...demonstrate changes over a period of time to show her that it's safe for her to trust you again. Get to counseling, find out why you're doing what you're doing, figure out how to treat it and to prevent any recurrences of this again...and then show your wife that it's safe to come back to you by demonstrating to her over a period of time that you're trustworthy.

You may have lost her...repeatedly doing the same thing, and creating a circumstance where there are NO quick fixes may lead her to finding someone else while you're working on yourself...this is a risk you're going to have to accept.

I don't have any other real thoughts for you.

Owl is right, all you can do is demonstrate trustworthy behavior and hope for the best. She may not want the marriage anymore. I sure wouldn't. If I were her, I would move on. Three affairs is a lifestyle, not an aberration. I wouldn't be interested.

I am getting therapy, and we have come to the root of why I have done this, rember these are not phyical at all, I am deeply sorry for what I have done, I know time is what she needs, but she is moving very fast. I will except what ever she needs, to demistrate to her I do want this to work, for the past three weeks up to satruday I was living out of my car, so her and the kids could contiune and still do this day live in the house worry free. I have broken off all contact with the other party and they have since moved away. I am emotionally ready if she does want a divorce I just want to make sure I have done everything in my power to stop it. I do love my wife with all my heart I know she is hurt, and I have applogized over this over and over agian, and remeber the teaching of this site, there is a emotionall need that is missing in our relationship, we just need to find it and work it out. This is not a life style as you state, I do feel empathy twards my wife, I am one of those people that feel for people and are sometimes misconsrude as affection and then leads to them falling for me and the feeling of being wanted is so strong I end up giving in. I know that now, I am not going to let it happen again.