Hi Everyone -
Struggling today as I know so many of you are and my heart and prayers goes out to all on those board who just want to call or be reassured by their WS that there is some hope, that they are coming around but it seems there is just know comfort in site at least from the WS.
My WH and I have been separated about six weeks now, (whole story at this <a href="linkhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=3002369&an=0&page=0#3002369" target="_blank">linkhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=3002369&an=0&page=0#3002369</a> ). Because of his affair and his alcoholism everything in his life is crumbling. In the last couple of weeks he told me he still had strong feelings for the OW, however she has let him know that she does not reciprocate and has been seeing other people. She was the one that called the 2 year affair off this year (I came to find out from her we had a confrontation). My husband told me it ended in early December, but not the case. Anyway he seemed devastated by her rejection (yey) and he told his mom that he felt like such a fool, because his mom pegged her for the predator/user she was. She's a beautiful 10 year older (then my husband) divorcee with two kids. In her words to me he just made her feel better about herself when she was going through the divorce, but now she doesn't have romantic feelings for him. My husband also told her I was a bed-ridden raving b*%$# and that we hardly ever talked. She looked at me and said clearly you are a healthy attractive woman and very nice...... the kind of person I would want to be friends with (yea right I don't think so lady). There was no hair pulling or cussing going on, but it was very weird.
Anyway bottom line my husband has been deteriorating rapidly because of his severe alcoholism (which other woman wasn't even aware of) and the fact that he is so embarrassed and ashamed at work of what he has done and the fact that people know what he and OW had affair. He called me to tell me he was taking a 2 month leave of absense and running off to a 5 star resort in Utah (staying in fancy suite for five nights) to get his head straight. We aren't rich but he gets deals because he has connections in the resort business, still it's costing us a pretty penny and we are already so in debt, but I can't say anything because he doesn't listen.
This is my pain, not only have I been betrayed, but he has told so many lies about me not only to OW, but he had to portray me in an untruthful light to the other executives in order to do all the outside work activities with them but without me. Also before he left for this trip on Sunday...... he told me he knew his affair was based on lies, betrayal even more then he was aware of because OW was seeing other people. He also told me that sometimes he just wants me to leave him and file for divorce and he was egging me on to do that. He said it something like this...... why don't you go ahead and file the papers knowing the state of mind I'm in. Then he said what if it's already over between us and kept repeating maybe it's already over.
Sunday night he called to check in and tell my he loves me, (huh?????) which he hasn't been saying at all, but hasn't called since and I have not called him. His family and I have planned an intervention that will be on May 24th (prayers that this will go well appreciated). He actually wants to go to rehab and has stated that, so it shouldn't be to difficult. Sometimes I just feel lost, this is a man who once had such love for me and integrity in his work, Christian guy good morals etc, but he is loosing everything because of his choices.
Since we moved into a home we purchased two years ago (when affair started) I have taken very good care of it, and it takes a lot of care big house, big yard. I began to feel so unappreciated and unloved especially yesterday; while he is trying to figure out his problems at a five star resort, I labored in the yard all day yesterday getting the house ready for sale (I have to make these decisions now because it's a huge liability and he's not in a mindset to do it). The point is for the last two years, I took care of so much....... the finances, the house, my own work. I was flashing back to things that would go wrong and he was never there, like one night at 1:00 in the morning our window got egged, I called my husband who was up at a hotel in San Francisco (with her) in bed. I told him what had happened he said don't worry about it, but of course I had to or the egg would dry. So at 1 in the morning on a freezing cold winter night I'm spraying egg of our window while my husband lies in the arms of another without a care in the world.......... this is how it has been for two years, he would travel to the best of the best fancy places with her having this love affair while I dealt with all the realities of life and he would never take me of course (all kinds of excuses).
I'm just so wounded and I don't know where things are going now and of course I know I won't till after his rehab...... some days I really miss the guy I married like today and I feel so sad and so alone. He doesn't call and I don't know what that means..... has he just written me off? I don't want to call him because I want to be the challenge mystery not so predictable (I read Love must be Tough) but it's so dang hard. I've been alone for so long and I just want to feel his arms wrapped around me again and know that things will be okay but I know it's not going to happen for a very long time........ so sad. Thanks for taking the time to read
