The time has come after 19 months that my FWH is moving ahead with the D. He never came to the table to work on things, has never apologized or taken claim to any of the difficulties in our marriage. Has led me around like a puppy on a chain for the last 2 years throwing out tidbits of hope and then turning around and firmly stating how he doesn't love me and has been miserable for years.

I am not going to fight him on this anymore. I have pretty much prostituted myself to him just to try to prove to him how much I love him and that this marriage can be salvaged.
He is cold and detached and thinks he is going to find his answers with someone else. Ha...doubt that.

Anyhow...he stills throws out this terrible angry attitude like this is all my fault. He is mean and spiteful and trys to hurt me to my core. How do I deal with this especially in light of the fact that we have kids?

Another thing is that I still obsess over the thought of him being with someone else...like I am sure he will hook up with someone at his upcoming class reunion...he's never gone to one before now he is making every effort to be there. the thought of it makes me sick....so how do you stop. That is really the only thing that gets me sad and crying. He is very attractive and takes care of himself well. I keep feeling that I lucked out 17 years ago and I will not be able to find someone else that I am that physically attracted to.

Pray...cry...pray...cry....!!!

I alternated between being devistated, trying to be good enough, being angry, and begging WH for an explanation.

Slowly, I realized I could move on, I deserved better, he wasn't worth the energy it took to be angry, and even if I could get an honest answer I'm probably better off not knowing.

A little over a month ago I started feeling a little joy up under all that sadness. It wasn't a lightening bolt thing that happened. It just kind of creeped in. My D is still stalled but that joy has continued to grow and I feel real hope for my future w/o WH. I still have days when I feel down but those days are fewer. Hang in there, it gets better.

Check out DivorceCare. It helps as well.

I understand some of your sitch... my wh stbxh did the same thing the last few years of our marriage...threw me a few glimmers of hope just so I wouldn't make him leave only to have some pretty strong discussions about how he didn't love me, he never loved me, he wanted nothing to do with me, wanted to spend no time with me, etc.... I even remember him being nice and helping me redo some things in the house, we went to Lowes for the day, etc, picking out things to redo rooms with. Then we had a discussion and he said the above stuff and I was like, well then why are you helping me to make the house look nicer? And he said, if it looks better we will have an easier time to sell it! An alterior motive all along.

It does get easier, I am at acceptance now. I had a hard time with the pictures in my head of the women he was with. I had to take some sleeping meds for awhile when it all first went down because I could not get the images out of my head. It has been a year now and I am good for the most part with everything now. It takes lots of time. Take care of yourself. My relationship with my ex was built on nothing more than physical attraction. Not a good basis at all when there is nothing else. We were never friends. When you are ready and all is done, you will be attracted to someone else again. Just give yourself time. You have to go through the stages, we all had to.

Keep posting here, we are a pretty good group of people willing to help out! mlhb

Anger and blame are steps in the Grieving process. I always forget at least one step. Many of us lived in denial about the state of our marriages.
Many people never get out of the Anger/Blame stage and never fully recover. His feelings are his responsibility. You deal with your own.
Use the MB principles to become the best person you can be, and use these and other sources to help you recover. Do you really care what he thinks anymore? Can you really trust his words/feelings?



Denial
Anger/Blame
Bargaining

Acceptance